The illusion of agreement Bashny.Net

When I was a young gestaltist, I learned that, it turns out, there is no point to expect from other people to guess my desires, and I'm never going to guess other people's desires, and there is no chance to meet someone else's expectations.

And then I started to practice to negotiate. Very useful practice. Thanks to her, I learned how to create complex life design — business and personal relations, long-term projects in life and in business.



Over time and with experience, it became clear that, first, to agree once and for all is impossible, because changing people and circumstances, and we need to peredogovarivatsya. Also very useful practice is to revise outdated design, update, update.

As time went on, experience was accumulated and at some point I realized that there are many things about which you cannot negotiate. For example, you cannot agree that someone never slips into negative emotions, do not forget about the important, not tired, not sick, doesn't change my point of view, do not stop loving in the end.

I began to learn to accept the fact that the agreement guarantees nothing.

It's difficult to accept that there are no formulas that guarantee. Then leave the ground from under his feet. And some time, three years, I lived in a state of "want to laugh Lord, tell him your plans." And all this time, colliding again and again that nothing and no one can match my expectations and arrangements, my plans and intentions, I repeated the mantra "thy will be done, Lord."

However, training in how to negotiate and peredogovarivatsya, suddenly brought side effect: practice from the outset to be clear in their needs and intentions in relationships with other people and the stream of this way of communicating others, have developed internal style, feeling, ethics of behavior that has made me free from the need to negotiate and enforce agreements, they were not needed.

You can discuss something with another person, your positions, intentions and needs, and then watch what happens. Readily that a lot can change, just because life is a process, not design, and is the same person, and it is the same with any relationship is a process.



In the end, I realized that life is the art of balancing personal intention, and Intention is the unfathomable universal force that destroys the plans and arrangements, going its mysterious way.

 

Author: Nina Rubstein

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

Source: rubstein.livejournal.com/1165917.html