If you wonder why a parent today to be so difficult and so hard, at first glance, there is confusion. And then suddenly, actually?
If we compare parenting in some classes is not very rich a hundred years ago with today, we can see that the position of the modern parent is a very beautiful
- We have diapers, a washing machine, we wash the diaper in the hole, we have ready made baby food, just open and feed.
- We have a huge number of ways to take a child – slot modules, some playing toys, something else, we don't have to wear it all the time on the hands, is stroller convenient.
All done to ensure that parenting was convenient.
There are classes for parents, books, all described in detail how and what to do. It would seem, educate — don't want to.
But absolutely typical situation, when some young mother, who was in the apartment with household appliances, gadgets, clothes, food, entertainment and razvivalki, to the moment when the husband returns home, feels like a hack who has nothing and absolutely exhausted, tired and there are no forces. It would seem, was at home doing nothing, Why in this state?
Let's try to understand why?
In fact one of the reasons, oddly enough, is urbanization
. That is, the transition of life in big cities. This process began massively so 200 years ago and continues and continues. Our country passed through it about half a century ago, when most of the population moved to the big city and moved to an urban lifestyle.
Urbanization is always accompanied by the phenomenon of demographic fracture. A change in family composition.
This is connected with the fact that raising a child is more exhausting than to raise him in the village. In the village
- Rural family is almost always a family with many children.
- While urbanization is in all countries, cultures, there is almost no exception, in addition to some specific religious situations — the family goes to the model, on average, two children.
the labor of man is not separated from its substantive life. And kids are working hands literally in 4-5 years, they can do something useful, feed the geese, to help with the cow, feed the chickens and so on. But most importantly: it is not necessary to specifically watch.
They can almost always be next to the parent, which in this case should not stop their activities, to sit with the child. He can continue to care for the cattle, to do with the garden, and children somewhere near here. Remember this picture – it shakes or does something, and the next child. For the youngest children watched the old men or older children. Children in a rural family is rather a plus, it's more manpower than the problem. And in order to raise them, you don't have to completely change your lifestyle.As soon as we move to a city that this situation is changing.
Raising a child means for them to watch, they do. It's such a catastrophic phenomenon, which leads to the fact that, if the person has a child in the city, then the family must be someone who will change the way of life, leave my job, my usual pastime, and will look after the baby
. Baby can't you somewhere near the swarm, when you work in an office, Bank, shop... it is Necessary to hire a special person, or to invite my grandmother, who had already retired.
Mom is completely lost as the breadwinner as a working man, stops her career, and hence automatically implies the decision not to have many children. The mother begins to experience a lot of stress just from the fact that with the baby, she changes dramatically the way of life. If we think of a woman in a rural culture
, archaic culture, there is a baby and especially not change anything. Communication, social circle and pastime is almost unchanged. The child all the time with her, just that she can apply it to your chest, it deals with the same people, with the same friends all discussing their social status, the situation is very little changed.If we take the modern urban woman
– a successful, educated, have a baby and her life completely changes dramatically. That is, if it was a job, some tasks, projects, some quite eventful and interesting life, socializing with friends, going to cultural events, then suddenly the woman turns from this isolated, trapped within four walls, is doomed due to all the bells and whistles of civilization to mild but is very tedious and uninteresting job of changing diapers and feeding with porridge... Thank God, the stress now begins to be softened, the environment begins to adapt. All the conditions have to to go somewhere with the baby and relax.
This abrupt change of lifestyle in itself is a stress factor, even if the woman loves the child, even if she gets pleasure from caring for him. We know that any change in life, even if it is positive, even if we long dreamed of, it's stress. This is on a scale of stress decent points, respectively — the risk of emotional exhaustion is increased.
The more active life was more interesting and exciting life was, the greater the stress. Maybe if we exchange the boring sitting in the office and pushing papers on the seat with the child, it is not so critical. But if you had a rich, creative, vivid communication with people, then stay in the four walls – it's probably a lot of stress, no matter what the love child and maternal feelings. In 4-5 months accumulated boredom, a desire to return to life and so on. A child at this time still not ready.The next point that stressed mom, is that modern women have little enough experience with children.
If in the countryside, in archaic areas of very close contact between people, a large family, close communication with neighbors, all while you hang out by urban standards, oddly enough, with a huge number of people.
- In the cities the circle of our everyday communication can be quite narrow. If we don't take colleagues, we can spend a week without telling anyone say Hello, and without exchanging a word. We closed in its shell.
- In the village is impossible. You went to the well or to the store with a bunch of people on the road talked, asked, how, learned, health, and so on.
Children playing together, children playing ages, moved down the street from yard to yard, all mixed up, kids from different families interact with each other. This means that any girl who at 17 or 18 in the archaic society, in the agrarian culture of nurtured child, had already had experiences with a huge number of children of different ages. She by this time had many hours of experience with children in different situations, in different States, with different characters, with different age. She knew how they cry, how capricious that like, dislike can, that I can't. This whole experience was accumulated and by the time she was there own child, was already in its possession.
In the urban culture, if the woman herself was the only child of my parents
, a typical situation, when she was 32 years old gives birth to first child, and it's the first baby in her life, which she picks up. Accordingly, her helplessness, confusion, stress and risk of burnout also increase.
That is, there are actually a lot of purely objective factors related to the environment in which we live, the social things, and that in itself is already hard enough stressed parents.published
Author: Lyudmila Petranovskaya
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©