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3 reliable ways to ruin a marriage
Conflicts in the family, or three reliable ways to ruin a marriage happened to witness a phone conversation. The woman proudly told me she's not talking with her husband for a week. She punishes him over the weekend, which he spent with friends, because friends are more important than family. She probably expects that he himself will realize his mistake. I doubt it.
I wish she told how she loved him and how she likes to spend time with him, to do household chores together. Would explain what she expects from him and ask for his help. I repeat. She is waiting, she wants, she wants.The main error that prevents the spouses to listen to each other is constant attempts to require "as should be" instead of asking about what you personally would like.
Believe me, couples come together in the hope to be heard, seen, understood.
And when you meet the "You should", "Male", "Female needs" and the like are included protective reaction of anger, resentment, frustration, silence.
To defend easier than again to take the risk to ask for what you want to say about his love, his hopes, and in response to "nice try" or "If you loved, you wouldn't do that."
The first way is protection.Therefore, a protective response is strengthened, expanded, as a result, each immersed in its own bubble.
Initially protected only one of the partners. Protected, from his point of view, just, reasonable, seeing that the only way to avoid the pain, frustration and fear. But the fact that one protection for another punishment. First, he will try to negotiate, to lure the first of the protective bubble. And then, increasingly, reject, fall in a circle of frustration, hopelessness and helplessness. And to defend against them, he will begin to create around himself a protective bubble.
And live with this for years. Protected from possible future disappointments, resentments and wounds.They do not live just like other people, they live in a constant state of guerrilla warfare.
Protection, and, accordingly, the penalty of silence is only one way to protect yourself, "break contact."
It is quite satisfying brand of punishment for your partner he doesn't know what you think, what you feel.
And he begins to think of various scenarios about what's going on with you, what do you think, how you feel. And you make no effort to refute his "hallucinations".
The second method is to accuse and shame. This, of course, to reduce the pain, disappointment.
There is a hidden hope: suddenly your partner out of guilt will cease to do what he did.And then your pain and disappointment will pass by themselves.
The third way — an indignant consent. You pay any price for the apparent peace and harmony between you.Deep down you are against it, but apparently you do everything to avoid problems, conflicts, and clarifications. And after a while you yourself will not be able to understand that you do not like what you want, what kind of relationship you want. You just become an automaton or zombie, which makes the "all you need to do." But this method suffer either emotionally or in the end to destroy the relationship.
If you find yourself, your partner or have the two of you in such a protective bubble, I would venture to think about how this protection affects your partner as your silence, accusations or disturbed harmony affects your partner. Have the courage to see his pain too.
Otherwise three ways to protect yourself from pain and disappointment can turn into three ways to destroy your marriage. published
Author: Elvira Khmelnytsky
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Source: elv.by/konflikty-v-seme-ili-tri-nadezhnyx-sposoba-razrushit-brak/
I wish she told how she loved him and how she likes to spend time with him, to do household chores together. Would explain what she expects from him and ask for his help. I repeat. She is waiting, she wants, she wants.The main error that prevents the spouses to listen to each other is constant attempts to require "as should be" instead of asking about what you personally would like.
Believe me, couples come together in the hope to be heard, seen, understood.
And when you meet the "You should", "Male", "Female needs" and the like are included protective reaction of anger, resentment, frustration, silence.
To defend easier than again to take the risk to ask for what you want to say about his love, his hopes, and in response to "nice try" or "If you loved, you wouldn't do that."
The first way is protection.Therefore, a protective response is strengthened, expanded, as a result, each immersed in its own bubble.
Initially protected only one of the partners. Protected, from his point of view, just, reasonable, seeing that the only way to avoid the pain, frustration and fear. But the fact that one protection for another punishment. First, he will try to negotiate, to lure the first of the protective bubble. And then, increasingly, reject, fall in a circle of frustration, hopelessness and helplessness. And to defend against them, he will begin to create around himself a protective bubble.
And live with this for years. Protected from possible future disappointments, resentments and wounds.They do not live just like other people, they live in a constant state of guerrilla warfare.
Protection, and, accordingly, the penalty of silence is only one way to protect yourself, "break contact."
It is quite satisfying brand of punishment for your partner he doesn't know what you think, what you feel.
And he begins to think of various scenarios about what's going on with you, what do you think, how you feel. And you make no effort to refute his "hallucinations".
The second method is to accuse and shame. This, of course, to reduce the pain, disappointment.
There is a hidden hope: suddenly your partner out of guilt will cease to do what he did.And then your pain and disappointment will pass by themselves.
The third way — an indignant consent. You pay any price for the apparent peace and harmony between you.Deep down you are against it, but apparently you do everything to avoid problems, conflicts, and clarifications. And after a while you yourself will not be able to understand that you do not like what you want, what kind of relationship you want. You just become an automaton or zombie, which makes the "all you need to do." But this method suffer either emotionally or in the end to destroy the relationship.
If you find yourself, your partner or have the two of you in such a protective bubble, I would venture to think about how this protection affects your partner as your silence, accusations or disturbed harmony affects your partner. Have the courage to see his pain too.
Otherwise three ways to protect yourself from pain and disappointment can turn into three ways to destroy your marriage. published
Author: Elvira Khmelnytsky
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Source: elv.by/konflikty-v-seme-ili-tri-nadezhnyx-sposoba-razrushit-brak/
