Brené brown: Have the nerve to be HIMSELF and stop pretending!

Be yourself, being sincere is not easy.

E. E. Cummings wrote:"to Be yourself and no one else — the hardest task in the world, whose goal is day and night to make you somebody else. This is the most difficult human battle with the world, it never ends".

The sea requires the courage to be yourself.

Because as soon as we decide to be yourself, others begin to suspect what happens to us that something is not right. Spouses and children are afraid of change and I doubt that we make the right choice. Friends and family are worried about how this will affect them and relations with them. Some will understand why we start this way, and also decides to become itself; others will be frightened that we change too much we will forget or refuse to maintain their illusions.


The call to others are not throwing our process of becoming themselves, but rather the insolence, with which we cease to pretend. Ashamed to take care of their needs and desires. Ashamed to be selfish. When I dared to "be yourself", I went against the whole field, the air of the mills. They threw me with questions:

  • But if others do not agree that I have valuable and good?

  • What if I reveal their imperfections, but no one likes it?

  • And suddenly friends, colleagues and relatives love me the other one... the one who cares about others and never talks about his needs?

When we give the world a new you, something changes. The surrounding rolling their eyes and whispering, in relations with other people start a nasty conversation, sometimes we stand alone. Sincere words coming harsh and cruel responses.

To study the sincerity and shame, I noticed that in the female group, the shame haunts willing to stand up for themselves, to speak out, to disagree with the popular opinion.

Participants gave examples of difficult compromises:

  • Not to offend anyone, but to be honest.

  • Not to talk about sad things, but to speak honestly.

  • To speak competently, but not as uppity and annoying.

  • Not less popular support or a strange point of view, but to find the strength to disagree with the majority.

Gender-expectations faced by men and women who decided to stand on my own. Research shows that "be nice" means the following: thinness, courtesy and modesty. Woman while avoiding collisions with the surrounding world, try to be delicate, quiet and as attractive as possible.

Men got control of his emotions, the importance of the work, dominance over women, and the race for status. To avoid unnecessary issues that men should pretend that they don't feel anything, earn more and do not start a serious relationship.

Be yourself — not the easiest way.Select "be yourself" instead of "being attractive" means to go beyond the comfort zone. Believe my experience, it is easy to get in the face in an unfamiliar area!

Easy to attack and criticize when the source is in a vulnerable position: voiced an unpopular view, starts a new business, try yourself in the unusual role. Cruelty is cheap, especially if you do it anonymously, which allows high technology.

While we're trying to be yourself and not lose on the road courage, it is important to remember that violence hurts, even if criticized is not the case. When we go against the wind, people feel the danger. We say what we think! So they are trying to wind us up for the gentle prick about appearance, a close relationship or our ability to raise children.


If we close on the criticism and cease to react to it, we also shut down from a deep emotional relationship. Courage — the willingness to speak, and not indifference to criticism. To be vulnerable means to be open for hitting and for warm words.

If you like, be yourself for us a difficult choice. Very much at risk, exposing himself in this world. But even more risk is to hide behind masks and never nothing serious to do. Our ideas, opinions, and ideas, unexpressed and hidden, not going away. They gnaw us from the inside. Perhaps at birth we should have been given proper instruction. "Note: when replacing the sincerity of the safety possible side effects: anxiety, depression, overeating, addictions, anger, guilt, resentment and a variety of depression".

To sacrifice yourself in order to earn the love and respect of others? Ovchinka not worth the candle. When we become ourselves, we deliver to others a little uncomfortable still, they are not used to it. But to be yourself — your best gift to those who are next to you.


Naomi wolf: Women are used to perceive themselves as a cheap imitation of a model's photo

Amanda Peet: My train left, and I continue to follow him


When I stop the build of a someone else, there is lots of time, attention, love and desire to be near important people. My attempts to be a difficult for my husband and children — they leave my time, attention and energy. But my husband and children understand what is happening. They also try to be yourself. As we all are.published

source: the book The gifts of imperfection


Author: brené brown, translated by Elena Truskova




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