All love can't stop loving

Sometimes parents get divorced. In our society it's not a tragedy, but just part of the reality that it would be foolish to condemn or ignore. Moreover, sometimes the parents are then divorced again and again.

And in the child's life appear not only mom and dad, but also a guard different Len, Marin, Igor and Serge. What? All to love?

My personal life is quite in the spirit of the time. That is, frankly, convoluted. And dad and my eldest daughter, I have a longstanding friendly relationship, not a marriage, as a dad my younger children. At three my daughter Sonia told me: "Why can't we all live in the same house — you, me, dad, and grandparents?" Five continued: "I think everyone should live together and love each other." And today, when she's 15, she's faithful to her idea: "I like to be friends with everyone, and I want to celebrate the New year the Pope".

I can't even say that opposed. Her dad I are sincerely nice, despite the fact that for 15 years did for his daughter nothing, not counting what gave her life. He's just a creative person, very clever and no less stupid. OK, to the Pope — so the Pope.

No less than the Pope, Sonya loves the grandfather, grandmother, my mother's second husband, his parents and the current boyfriend. And loves sincerely and mutually. For this reason, her birthday in my house is something terrible. On this day in the same area meet all current former former current. This is the day when the flag of love to the gregarious and charming baby I'm baking a cake for 50 people and with a sinking heart, waiting, as again it will face in the doorway, two of my three husbands and what will happen then.

On the other hand, the girl in all this promocijas the boiler seems to be quite happy. She's really fun to interact with a large karassa of friends and buddies, girlfriends and female friends, sometimes at their house and happily calling them to us. Mom, they were her friends. The ones which can and on the hill, and cafes, and about boys and about Borges, and on contemporary cinema (much, much more interesting than classmates!).

But my friend has a great back story. She raised the boy. As usual, not with his own father, and who came to replace him, boyfriend Sergei. They lived together for eight years and left. By this time the boy-the son does boyfriend called him dad, he gladly took him to the skating rink and the tennis, made plans and saved money to study in Europe. But the marriage fell apart. And Sergei realized that his "son" he is a nobody. And my friend is not eager to hold an open house where all are friends with all, and sees no sense in continuing the fellowship of the son with "dad".

On the one hand, the friend can understand that and if after Seryozha is Victor, Peter, or, horror of horrors, Mary? And that, to all friends and to all walk-in guests? And to live when?

On the other hand, now her son is obviously in pain: the man who raised him and whom he used to consider as an integral part of my life as the mother suddenly goes nowhere. Scary.

And actually I don't know whether there is a right answer and the right solution for this situation: my "mishpahat ha gdola", she Karass on Vonnegut, it is also the ancestral home — is only one possible approach to the issue, and the other is my friend: family is me and the son, and the rest come and go.

About a year ago I was faced with the fact that if a ten-year child care is an important family member from the daily circle of friends is still possible to explain, to find arguments for five children it is really hard.

And life, meanwhile, is gaining momentum. Someone moves from country to country or from city to city, changing schools, kindergartens, nannies, comes age, and go to the grandparents, one family leaving to relocate far away, others married, divorced, put in the family new people or deprive us of fellowship with the old.

It is unclear how to explain it small. Who are all these people, in what respects they are and how long they are in our lives? Whom to love and whom to come with a cold heart?

In addition, if the relationship after the divorce, remain friendly, friendly, I, for one, will not, out of spite or for the sake of "beauty pictures" to prohibit the communication with children. But what if the relationship with the person for some reason did not part ways amicably failed? To give the ability to communicate still, guided by good child? Or to require that the relationship was over, and to keep their nerves?

My kids this year go to three or four different trees. Not because they are so fond of crowded holidays, and not because "the snow Queen" in the Theater of operetta as something particularly beautiful. They just have a few important adults, which this year want to go out with small snowmen and snowflakes.


Also interesting: How to talk with children about divorce

Divorce: before, during and after


And I... and I understand that when you love someone, it is very difficult to think about what had changed between him and your family. You just want to run his hands under the falling snow, to roll with him from the hill, to drink with him hot cocoa in the Park or the fair and about what or what not to think.

No matter, you five, fifteen or thirty five.published


Author: Maya Bogdanova


P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©



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