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Passive-aggressive people: 10 signs
Passive-aggressive companion, a colleague or life partner is a difficult test. He will never tell you directly that something is wrong and will harass you long and slow, in the spirit of "my Dear, good, guess he". As you have not yet learned to read his thoughts?! Well, Yes, of course he knew that nobody cares about what he feels...
The main feature of the passive aggressor – anger. There are a lot of resentment, anger, aggression, but he does not know and is afraid to Express negative emotions. Such people never say directly what they want, what do not want, what they don't like and what they are not happy.
Instead, they subtly away from the conflict, you are plagued by omissions, waiting, when you yourself can guess that they were offended. From time to time a character may seem to be a good partner: no yelling, no screaming, everyone agrees with you – but the discovery at all!
But the secret always becomes clear, and the relationship turns into a nightmare. However, the passive-aggressive family member (especially a senior), a colleague or a friend – he's a gift. But why are we all about others – maybe some of these points about you?
1. They don't say "no"
Straight in the face, to say that he doesn't like something that he does not want and will not do, Oh no, this passive aggressor will never be solved. He'll nod his head to agree with everything, but they won't. "Forget" about the deadline, "no time" to reserve a table in the restaurant, which really just didn't want to, and then broke his leg on the road – it just would not go to the theatre with you.
2. They sabotage
If the passive aggressor was given a job that he doesn't like or in which he feels incompetent, he does not recognize this right, and stonewalling and stalling to the last. Instead of honestly say: "I Have problems with this project, I need help", they indulge in procrastination and struggling to demonstrate the maximum inefficiency – in the hope that somehow it will be solved itself and the task will pass to someone else.
3. They avoid direct confrontation
Even feeling wounded to the core, the passive aggressor does not say so directly, and will send out a confused message that should show you how heartless and cruel. If that person is your relative, you constantly hear from him something like: "of Course, of course, do as you please, why do you have to worry about what I'm feeling..."
4. They suppress the anger
Their picture of the world that any disagreement, dissatisfaction, anger or resentment better than sweeping it under the carpet, and not to make out. More than anything, these people are afraid of open conflict. As often happens with those who from childhood was blamed for any displays of affection, but also with those who grew up in a very emotionally unstable family, where the mother and father fought constantly and even attacked each other with fists.
Such a child grows up with the feeling that anger is a terrible uncontrollable force that is ugly and intolerable shame, so emotions must be controlled and suppressed. He feels that if he gives negative feelings at least a little freedom is going to break loose the beast – all the anger and hatred that he hoarded over the years, will evolve and will burn all life around.
5. They do not admit that they actually feel
It is clear that, believing in such a terrible power of negative emotions, passive-aggressor doesn't want to show them – better to hide them than to ruin a good relationship (or something to appear evil). Paired passive aggressor will never say first that something is wrong.
If you ask him what happened and what's he complaining about, he answers: "Nothing", "Everything is fine", "I'm fine." But his voice per kilometer shows that all is not fine and not great. You are trying to understand, talk heart to heart, – there it was: crickets and tumbleweeds.
6. They play in silence
Angry, a partner does not explode, and closes and goes into a defensive perimeter. The passive aggressor can remain silent for hours, days, weeks. Does not answer your questions, refuses dialogue. It's a way of punishment so that you will understand that you did something wrong, something hurt his feelings.
What? Where you made a fatal mistake? What was your incorrigible fault? That's how you want to – so everyone can! Oh no, this club sophisticated torture you will say nothing and not explain – guess yourself. Torment, think, think of every word. Punished? It would be better if you broke? No, do not wait!
7. They provoke you to anger
And care from open adult dialogue, and the game in silence, and my favorite "Do as I know you still care..." – all this sooner or later drives you crazy and you start to yell. Yeah, caught! Passive-aggressive conversationalist this is what you wanted (most likely unconsciously – something in his defense). He is afraid to Express anger, so he gives this singular feature you: now he legitimately can to consider you the bad and the ugly, unrestrained...
In fact, he thought so. Of course, nothing he from you did not expect. It is, of course, hoping that you are not like everyone else, but how could he, naive, to dream about such a miracle... In General, triggering you to fit a hell of a rage, he will pass on your self-assessment to complete the program, and will receive another confirmation: wrath – a terrible uncontrollable element, it is necessary to restrain all the forces, and build relationships with people openly and honestly – that's very dangerous.
8. They manipulate
Passive aggressors constantly put pressure on the two favorite buttons: pity and guilt. To say directly what they want, is for them something as unreal as to say "no". And if they want something, they go compound in a roundabout way. Instead just ask you to help carry a heavy box, a relative or neighbor will remember all their medical diagnoses, will make serious moaning and whining, last time, under these circumstances he had a pinched hernia, heart attack, hemorrhoids.
9. They are doing nasty things behind my back
They try hard to show himself as a nice, kind and want to please people. But not expressed as anger, anger and envy will not go away, and piling up inside. When they envy someone's success, or feel unfairly bypassed, instead of a direct confrontation choosing secret ways of revenge – to spread about someone nasty rumor, send an anonymous tip to the chief. Yes, these harmless dandelions can ruin your reputation.
Get away from toxic people, including toxic relativescancer life or psychosomatics Oncology
10. They shift the responsibility
It is easy to notice passive aggression is very infantile, newsrescue behavior. The passive aggressor does not feel master of his fate, he constantly blames life, the circumstances of other people. Suddenly you find yourself guilty of all the misfortunes of your loved one.
Is all: you were not attentive and did not show empathy, did not guess why he was offended, gave him bad advice, which all went wrong, and just the fact that he linked his life with you (or what you had if suddenly that one of your parents) ruined this life at all.published
Source: www.all-yoga.ru/blogs/archives/1531
The main feature of the passive aggressor – anger. There are a lot of resentment, anger, aggression, but he does not know and is afraid to Express negative emotions. Such people never say directly what they want, what do not want, what they don't like and what they are not happy.
Instead, they subtly away from the conflict, you are plagued by omissions, waiting, when you yourself can guess that they were offended. From time to time a character may seem to be a good partner: no yelling, no screaming, everyone agrees with you – but the discovery at all!
But the secret always becomes clear, and the relationship turns into a nightmare. However, the passive-aggressive family member (especially a senior), a colleague or a friend – he's a gift. But why are we all about others – maybe some of these points about you?
1. They don't say "no"
Straight in the face, to say that he doesn't like something that he does not want and will not do, Oh no, this passive aggressor will never be solved. He'll nod his head to agree with everything, but they won't. "Forget" about the deadline, "no time" to reserve a table in the restaurant, which really just didn't want to, and then broke his leg on the road – it just would not go to the theatre with you.
2. They sabotage
If the passive aggressor was given a job that he doesn't like or in which he feels incompetent, he does not recognize this right, and stonewalling and stalling to the last. Instead of honestly say: "I Have problems with this project, I need help", they indulge in procrastination and struggling to demonstrate the maximum inefficiency – in the hope that somehow it will be solved itself and the task will pass to someone else.
3. They avoid direct confrontation
Even feeling wounded to the core, the passive aggressor does not say so directly, and will send out a confused message that should show you how heartless and cruel. If that person is your relative, you constantly hear from him something like: "of Course, of course, do as you please, why do you have to worry about what I'm feeling..."
4. They suppress the anger
Their picture of the world that any disagreement, dissatisfaction, anger or resentment better than sweeping it under the carpet, and not to make out. More than anything, these people are afraid of open conflict. As often happens with those who from childhood was blamed for any displays of affection, but also with those who grew up in a very emotionally unstable family, where the mother and father fought constantly and even attacked each other with fists.
Such a child grows up with the feeling that anger is a terrible uncontrollable force that is ugly and intolerable shame, so emotions must be controlled and suppressed. He feels that if he gives negative feelings at least a little freedom is going to break loose the beast – all the anger and hatred that he hoarded over the years, will evolve and will burn all life around.
5. They do not admit that they actually feel
It is clear that, believing in such a terrible power of negative emotions, passive-aggressor doesn't want to show them – better to hide them than to ruin a good relationship (or something to appear evil). Paired passive aggressor will never say first that something is wrong.
If you ask him what happened and what's he complaining about, he answers: "Nothing", "Everything is fine", "I'm fine." But his voice per kilometer shows that all is not fine and not great. You are trying to understand, talk heart to heart, – there it was: crickets and tumbleweeds.
6. They play in silence
Angry, a partner does not explode, and closes and goes into a defensive perimeter. The passive aggressor can remain silent for hours, days, weeks. Does not answer your questions, refuses dialogue. It's a way of punishment so that you will understand that you did something wrong, something hurt his feelings.
What? Where you made a fatal mistake? What was your incorrigible fault? That's how you want to – so everyone can! Oh no, this club sophisticated torture you will say nothing and not explain – guess yourself. Torment, think, think of every word. Punished? It would be better if you broke? No, do not wait!
7. They provoke you to anger
And care from open adult dialogue, and the game in silence, and my favorite "Do as I know you still care..." – all this sooner or later drives you crazy and you start to yell. Yeah, caught! Passive-aggressive conversationalist this is what you wanted (most likely unconsciously – something in his defense). He is afraid to Express anger, so he gives this singular feature you: now he legitimately can to consider you the bad and the ugly, unrestrained...
In fact, he thought so. Of course, nothing he from you did not expect. It is, of course, hoping that you are not like everyone else, but how could he, naive, to dream about such a miracle... In General, triggering you to fit a hell of a rage, he will pass on your self-assessment to complete the program, and will receive another confirmation: wrath – a terrible uncontrollable element, it is necessary to restrain all the forces, and build relationships with people openly and honestly – that's very dangerous.
8. They manipulate
Passive aggressors constantly put pressure on the two favorite buttons: pity and guilt. To say directly what they want, is for them something as unreal as to say "no". And if they want something, they go compound in a roundabout way. Instead just ask you to help carry a heavy box, a relative or neighbor will remember all their medical diagnoses, will make serious moaning and whining, last time, under these circumstances he had a pinched hernia, heart attack, hemorrhoids.
9. They are doing nasty things behind my back
They try hard to show himself as a nice, kind and want to please people. But not expressed as anger, anger and envy will not go away, and piling up inside. When they envy someone's success, or feel unfairly bypassed, instead of a direct confrontation choosing secret ways of revenge – to spread about someone nasty rumor, send an anonymous tip to the chief. Yes, these harmless dandelions can ruin your reputation.
Get away from toxic people, including toxic relativescancer life or psychosomatics Oncology
10. They shift the responsibility
It is easy to notice passive aggression is very infantile, newsrescue behavior. The passive aggressor does not feel master of his fate, he constantly blames life, the circumstances of other people. Suddenly you find yourself guilty of all the misfortunes of your loved one.
Is all: you were not attentive and did not show empathy, did not guess why he was offended, gave him bad advice, which all went wrong, and just the fact that he linked his life with you (or what you had if suddenly that one of your parents) ruined this life at all.published
Source: www.all-yoga.ru/blogs/archives/1531
