Behavior = habit, habit = character, character builds destiny already

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Like any habit, good habits in children are developed through repetition with positive reinforcement, and usually a period of 20 to 40 days — time enough. However, there are situations when parents remind children daily about the need to brush your teeth and do morning exercises, children are reluctantly every time, but good habits and not produced for years!

What is the reason?

The reason is that every time children do reluctantly.

Decipher: kids aren't just going to brush my teeth, and do it with a sour face and internal (and sometimes external) grumbling. Do exercises lazily stressed and unhappy... What a skill, in fact, they reproduce and reinforce every day? They strengthen the skill of dissatisfaction with the brushing and morning exercises, they reinforce the reluctance to do it, day after day, form the habit of not wanting to do it.

What conclusion? Follow the format: HOW the kids go to brush their teeth and how they do exercises. How? Cheerfully and with pleasure! You need to follow that!

In any case, it turns out, is not only the content but also the form. You sat child to do homework – in fact, the content he makes them. But how? Sad and unhappy? It is not necessary, in this design the lessons as it should not be done. Every hour of this prep child will learn not only knowledge of Russian language or history, but the fact that class is longing and sucks…

If month in a row in the morning to do exercises, there is a habit in the morning to do exercises. But if a month in a row in the morning to do exercises, accompanied by the sad commentary and unfortunate facial expression, arises the habit of morning longing and hatred to the charge. That is why the army recruits begins with format: to accustom to how to stand, walk and talk: stand no antics, walk-assembled, to get to the point.

So, once again:

The main habit that we need to instill in our children, it is –

Nothing to do reluctantly, to do things only cheerfully and gladly.And to achieve this is simple: I saw the sour face of a child and his poor drooping shoulders tell him that it is corrected. Elementarily? Make?

In this regard, I want to tell you a story: a very important story. Perhaps with this story, I have begun to change views on what should be similar upbringing and that it is the most important thing.

So, it was in the village, my son Alex has graduated from 2nd grade and the school said he was too weak with math. I decided to do with it. Say: "Shura, no fishing and partying, bring out the portfolio, we do". Shura was poviargol, but to no avail, then went with the briefcase, drags him. I stopped: "No, Shura, so the portfolio are not. Take it back and get it. At least a dozen times go down. Until you bring the portfolio normally will not sit down to do it, and you're walking will not go." Shura after some nagging, but soon realized – no options, and some account of time and brought the portfolio would be: calm, cheerful and fun, as a young pioneer. The next step is the portfolio, not to throw on the table, and neatly put. To wrestle – and it worked. He thought that all who took the book and carelessly threw it on the table, but here met with resistance: "No, Alex, not throw, and put. And right area above the left". Well corrected the notebook, then sat, leaning on elbows, type tired. I corrected it: "No, Shur, so we're not doing lessons. Sit down, hold right back, shoulders, hands."

Thus began the struggle for format: Shura defended their right to do the lessons the way I wanted it, but I calmly insisted that is not the way he wants it, and as it should.

It is clear that Shura, like a normal child, sought for an opportunity to portray how heavy it was bad when it brings so nasty parent. But I was adamant: "Alex, any lessons you will not be if you stay in this format. First, you can have a normal back and normal face."

Shura straightened his face and back, sat down normally, but when I began to ask him puzzles, whined again: "Dad, I don't understand this math!". My answer sounded confident: "Shura, you're mistaken. Teach the text: "I'm smart. I'm stronger in mathematics, with math I can handle it. Next to me dad, he will help me." Several occasions, and soon, Shura-I've repeated this text: "I'm smart, I can handle the math, I'm stronger than mathematics!»

It was a struggle of wills. He sought every opportunity to Express their protest and their feelings, but I forbade him his protests and all his feelings when he showed that all this studying him I am sick and tired. The next item was his handwriting. Yes, the beautiful his handwriting was not up to this, but there Shura began to write quite unhappy with crooked letters. What to do with handwriting? I objected and said "Alex, you write like a jaded life. You probably forgot how to write letters. Let's leave the math and will learn to write elements of letters. Write a line of circles and the line sticks. You write ugly will return quite first class". Shura wrote several linecheck, then said, "Dad, I remembered how to write properly".

You realize the first day was difficult. It was the day of the establishment of the format and we found it. It was a victory! After this hard day, everything went easily. Now Shura was always in a good mood, which was created by the fact that I reminded him about it, and seen that everything he did was fun and the mood does not spoil. It was a new era!

Curious: we are trained so perfectly that the Shura in one month successfully repeated all last year and part of next. This, incidentally, created a problem: next year, in third grade, his math teacher Shura complained, because he's in her class all the problems are solved perfectly, but was frankly bored…

Today, as I write these lines, the Shura for 28 years. I wanted to clarify the details of this story, but it turned out that he remembers almost nothing and generally doubt that it was... Well, mom remembered more, and together the highlights we recovered. Interestingly, a couple of years ago I asked Alex what he thinks about his childhood and how we were brought up. Shura thought, and said a very unexpected thing for me. He said, "You could be stricter!»

Yes, he's right. Ivan and Alex were my first children, I just mastered the science of parenthood and at that time was rather a supporter of free education. As graduates of facultatea of psychology of Moscow state University, I was in awe of the views of Carl Rogers, believed in unconditionally positive in every person and was convinced that my main job as a parent to create a child environment of understanding and support, which he will freely develop and exercise their own choices.

Today I don't think so. Raising five children – beautiful children! I changed his views on education. And it was that summer when I spent summer days for lessons with Shura, laid the foundations of my new views.

Yes, ever since I realized the power of format. I realized how important it is not to allow children to do all of these crooked faces they show you, you torturers. Parents, fear not "suppressed emotions" that scare you pseudo-psychologists, and ensure that your child does not act as a poor creature. Patterns of behavior repeat, becomes a habit, habit becomes character, and character builds destiny already.

What fate do we give our children?

 

Author: N. And.Goats

Source: www.psychologos.ru/articles/view/kakuyu_sudbu_my_podarim_nashim_detyam_vop_zn_