Sometimes in a state of extreme irritation and dissatisfaction with the behavior of their children, we tell them words and phrases that say children can not. Kapriznaya children often hear from their parents phrases like: "are you Going to carry on like this, I'll go!". The threat of "being left alone" effect on the child-like sentence and literally means for him that now he is deprived of parental support and love, he hated, and now mother still what will happen to him. That's why you need to think twice before throwing ill-considered phrase.
"Don't drink cold water, and then your throat hurts".
Throat hurts not from the cold water, and from unexpressed emotions/thoughts. If the child is not to shut his mouth when he speaks, shouts, cries, and do not blame him for his words, emotions and their expression, the throat will not hurt.
"Do not play with food."
Children do not know how to behave. They learn about the world, and the physical properties of objects, including food.
"Don't look so close, and the eyes will break/vision go to jail."
What do you mean broken? Vision deteriorates (becoming nearsighted), when forming unpleasant associations with the future. For example, when an adult says roughly: "here grow up — you learn", "grow — understand how hard life is/earned, etc." And the vision becomes myopic, when a person refuses to see the details, also the result of restrictions on it. Children love to look at everything, touch it, including on the street, and the adults pulled their bump, need not to bother, not to be picked. Parents are strongly pull children out of the macrocosm in adult life is boring.
"Stop fooling around/messing/rage"
Yes, why would it? Even when fooling around, not in childhood? If a child is not to nadorcity as it should, then this desire to "be a clown" will constantly emerge in adulthood in the most weird forms and images on the background of the overall seriousness of a man. Also will be accompanied by internal dissatisfaction.
"What are you saying! Aren't you ashamed?!"
Very dangerous to hang on a child's shame and guilt. An adult sheds its responsibility for yourself, your status, your level of consciousness, his method of upbringing on the child. And then the child lives with this strange cargo, hurts, becomes unhappy, angry at the world, starts to pakostnichat and vrednichat.
"Stop crying! Calm down!"
It's like saying: "Enough to clear my soul, let this inner pain in me and live on with her, pretend that you're not hurt, deceive themselves." Don't you cry the pain will always accumulate and make the child angrier and harder.
"Fall, hit, hurt".
If you tell the child, then so be it. These words are not a warning to the child, and the facts which programmed his Mind to such an outcome. Instead of such phrases should help the child to try there where no one tried to give him a hand, to support, to give the child confidence in his abilities.
"I don't love you" is the worst phrase you can hear from you your child. It's always a trauma for the baby, because these words convince the kid that "he is bad" and "no longer needed". Never say, but always emphasize that you love your baby, even when he's misbehaving and naughty.
"Yeah, who needs you!" — a phrase often used by parents ostensibly in order to spare the child from having unfounded childish fears, in response to complaints request for protection: "Mom, I want to eat scary monster". Upon hearing this phrase, the child may think that, but you don't need it at all to anyone, and you are doing a big favor that you live with him. Such a conclusion can lead to low self-esteem, uncommunicative, complexes and fear of communication. Therefore, helping your child to get rid of children's fears, tell him he is too expensive for you, you let any monster even come close to him.
"Don't you listen to me, come bad uncle (a policeman/Baba Yaga/devil, etc.) and get you!"
A child with strong nerves and a good sense of humor, at best, will soon cease to respond to such statements. But more worrying, the baby can experience severe fear and phobia earn.
The only thing that will achieve the parents as a result of application of such phrases, it increased anxiety, nervous breakdowns, deterioration of discipline and behavior in children. Build your authority on fear is a dead end, to win the trust and respect you much more decent and pleasant for you and baby ways.
Child psychologists in one voice say that you can not condemn the child, we can only condemn his behavior and actions. You cannot tell the child that "it's bad", it is correct to say he "did something bad." Younger children don't question our words, they implicitly believe everything we tell them. If the child is constantly saying that he is lazy, greedy and messy, then do not be surprised that in the end he will behave accordingly.
"Nothing you can't do it – let me do it myself!"
The phrase pre-programming the child to fail. Gradually the baby confidence that he's clumsy, awkward, incapable and stupid loser who is not able to do anything on their own without the help of mom. Such a child is not very confident. Never take the initiative. And why, it still does not work. So if you hear from your child's statement, "I am!", support the child in his aspirations, be patient and compliment.
"The only hope, no one can help you, because the world is against you" — this phrase you can hear from their parents is weak, insecure and physically weak children, whose parents make such statements are trying to teach independence and ability to fend for themselves. But in the end, represent the already frightening the world for a child even more threatening and even dangerous. The child becomes wary, distrustful, withdrawn and avoids contact with children and adults, because you never know where to wait for catch. It is important to shape a child's positive view of the world, and the only error in education can turn him against others.
"Why can't you behave as well as your sister?", "Peter has long been able to read, and you even the characters do not know!" — such comparisons, especially with a brother and sister, very hurtful to children and evoke a sense of unhealthy competition. It is important for children to know that you love them just so, and not for the skills or special talents.
"Why are you still dancing so bad?", "Why didn't you ranked first?" — the phrase to show the children that they will never be good enough to meet all the requirements of their parents. To earn grudging approval, you will have to jump over your head and never fall below the top. Parents should remember that children would need their approval, especially in those moments when everything turns out not as we would like. "Third place? That's wonderful! [Overlapping voices even better! But I'm very proud of you!"
The support and love of parents is the best motivation in achieving success.published
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©