One of the most harmful of formulas in parenting

One of the most harmful of formulas in parenting sounds like this: "If the child is (not) taught, it will always be so". No need to accustom to the hands. You need to immediately accustom to the accuracy. No need to accustom to sleep with mom. You need to immediately accustom to arrange written work correctly. Etc., etc.

Well, what nonsense, eh? This approach implies the view of the child as a jar lid, where it will stick, it will stay there. Despite the obvious absurdity like this look has a magnetic effect, literally mesmerizing the adults. "Well, how is it? And leave? But then he will ALWAYS (thumb-sucking, crying in a toy store, forget to do homework, play computer, love Dima Bilan – underline)! Need something to do!". Ah, we're all gonna die!

I usually say, "Look, this is actually an interesting train of thought. I suggest not to translate the child by the hand across the road. You must immediately teach! And what are and will be ALWAYS with us to walk?". Confusion. "No, that's not right, that's different." Than the other, huh? Here the child is afraid to sleep alone. Well, we certainly know that the skeleton under the bed, which he's afraid is unreal, unlike cars on the roads. But it is real! Much more than that because the skeleton is so terrible, he almost directly sees and hears almost directly, as he scratches his bones on the floor. And the car – why be afraid? Rides and rides. Bright, beautiful.

(How children explain the why of some of the dangers of adults willing to protect and even with excessive zeal, while others quietly gave to the wolves, and even ashamed that you're afraid? What they have on the subject the version in head? I would like to know.).

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Or this elementary school. Well, why in the first class pays as much attention to design? "To teach, and that...". OK, let's start from integrals to solve? Somehow, the idea that a seven year old child cannot solve the integrals is obvious. And the idea that he CAN'T simply because of age, remember all these algorithms: the four squares here, but if on the last line, not starting, and if doesn't fit, that's it. And all this should be done simultaneously with the actual letter and by thinking!

Such a wonderful age – from 7 to 10! Such a creative, rich, passionate interest in how the world works, this ability to unexpected generalizations, associations, such synthetical perception of any subject! To see the world not as a set of scientific disciplines, as a whole, as a living single organism, think about butterflies, about the stars, about the composition of the dirt under the nails, about hurricanes, about Vikings, about atoms, about why people laugh every five seconds, if not simultaneously.

Not just to think – FEEL about it, to pass through. These incredible tenacity and commitment in the class that is interested! For hours, with gusto, forgetting everything, football, designer, drawing, fantasy – one that! Invented games, born your sambrani and Terabithia, all these treasures, secrets, codes. The rapid development of all cognitive functions, like a flower in fast motion unfolds from the Bud. Grow (must grow at least) confidence, independence, ability to act in unexpected, challenging circumstances. Craving for adventure, for new experiences. The origin of the friendship, not the nursery, and this, which may be for life.

Ideal world a child of this age is shown in the cartoon "the Land before time". Own group of friends, the freedom, the adventure, but somewhere there are wise and strong adults who, if anything, will come to the rescue, and in the evening put to bed. And more them nothing.

Now think, but what to spend those years. Four squares down, two lines skipped. What do you think, Petrov? Again you daydreaming in class? The FOUR squares, what is there not to understand? Again, fixed. Repeat. Rewrite two times. Write three lines of the word. Not whispering. Don't talk. At recess don't run.

Why do you have such a mess in the portfolio? It is difficult to accurately fill in the diary? Stop playing, we have no time, it's time for English. We can't invite Vlad, you don't have time to workout music. You're not going to walk until you have taken lessons.
Across ALL tasks, age, ALL contrary to the nature of the child.

Books. Anguish. Who chooses the texts? Who puts those endless loops of nauseating repetitions passed, so the child creates a lasting impression that went a quarter and NOTHING new is learned? (With the exception of textbooks L. Peterson. Very properly made with respect to the age, but the schools don't like them – words-about-zhno... need to Think... Better repeat once more...)

Standards assessments: dictation without mistakes, but sloppy and bug fixes. Troyak. The moral child: the content is nothing, form is everything. The main thing to look, it's not so important. Another moral: error fatal. Noticed and fixed – it will not save you. Then wonder where the neuroses and a tendency to give up at the first failure...

Program: the division into subjects, topics, units. All fragmented, one lesson is finished, another started, one topic, then another, no connection. A child comes to the end of the first class with tears: "the Task is not impossible!" Check – that's right, on the same shelf 9 books, 15 on the other, the answer is 24. The child, in a voice crying: "the Answer cannot be 24, because – attention! we have yet to go beyond two dozen! I incorrectly have to decide even to think." Ubitsya the wall. An hour of desperate efforts to ensure that the child still came to the conclusion that it is necessary to believe yourself, your mind, and not some strange limits, which are themselves the originator of the textbook inadvertently violated. And if you weren't?

Look, I honestly don't understand why this is, huh? Why trample all that at this time, is growing rapidly, and diligently to cultivate something to grow should not and can not? As in the famous fairy tale about a fool-Princess, desired snowdrops in December and spoil all the holiday and without snowdrops promised to be fun.
Why not JUST WAIT?

That's 10-11 years. Synthetical thinking gives way to analyticity. Waking up the passion for collecting, systematization, classification, order, interest to detail, attention to relations, and to the distinctions and oppositions. So let's go! Now let us explain about the four squares, and neat about the journal will go like clockwork. One, two – and understood. And disgust has not yet received to the process itself, with pleasure, with passion – who better to defeat chaos and create order? Now Yes it's true, this asks the soul, it will be just right! Why spend hours and nerves when it's not in the suit, wrong time, inappropriate? Why burst in the door, which closed and which itself in time will open?

It's all like described in psychology and even in teacher training institutions studied. Well, or at least just seen when observing children at work with them. Of course, certain children may be with their special needs, but the General trend is still in the channel.

Why the peculiarities of the age are ignored? I think the reason is just this fear. "If you just (don't) teach, then...". Perception of the child as the inanimate, non-subject, not developing, not seeking better and bigger. The manic confidence of adults, children they educate and form, and it is necessary to foresee everything, to lay a good, in advance to prevent bad. As a result, the baby, which is treated as the object of educational efforts, to adolescence and often becomes an object, almost inanimate object that "wants nothing". Lying on the couch and clicks the remote.

It is the children who grew up in a government building, which all the time was pointing them what to do and when, and, oddly enough, children of parents who "dedicated their lives" and always "knew how". That's because all the kid ever wanted was "not even wrong", and everything, according to adults, he ought to want, and sometimes it even made the pitchfork, nothing gave his mind and heart, it's because they wanted, not him. Oh, and athotel all. And adults themselves it all makes deeply unhappy, they are killed because of twos and threes, because of inaccurate diary, and then – due to the fact that "nothing interesting," and "he does not want to go to school".

Inspired by two parallel impressions. Outside the window – everything is melting, although only yesterday it seemed that winter forever. The child suddenly in the diary and notebooks beauty and neatness, in the beginning of the year was horror. My contribution to this exactly the same as the coming of spring. I open the whole farm every three months, so it caught my eye. Just equinox, fracture. Just daughter will soon be ten. published

Author: Lyudmila Petranovskaya

 

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

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Source: ludmilapsyholog.livejournal.com/42665.html

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