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Apples from the Apple tree: 5 great books about relationships with children
Our children are whole small worlds that are being formed before our eyes and not without our direct participation.
Someone, perhaps, it seems that being a parent is not so difficult: fed, dressed-up, took to the kindergarten, checked the lessons, made sure that the child was “in business” and did not get involved with bad companies – life will teach the rest.
It's not really that simple. And this collection of five books shows how thin the line between love and hatred for their relatives is. How important it is to monitor what to tell your child, what example to set and how much time to devote. Why is it that sometimes ideal for an outside observer, mothers and fathers are the cause of endless suffering for their children, and careless parents sometimes know how to make their children’s childhood truly happy?
Donna Tartt, "The Tench"
Natalia:“Donna Tartt has written three books. I read two, waited for the third, and waited for a long time. 13-year-old Theo Decker miraculously survived the explosion that killed his mother. Abandoned by his father, without a single soulmate in the whole world, he wanders around foster homes and strangers’ families – from New York to Las Vegas – and his only consolation, which, however, almost leads to his death, becomes a masterpiece of the Dutch old master stolen from the museum, and again she postponed. I still read it. It's heavy and beautiful. I read like the mother of a 14-year-old son, realizing that, as corny as it sounds,Who but us needs our children?
The main character is Theo, a deceiver and a thief who makes mistakes, in 9 cases out of 10 doing the wrong thing. I read and understood that his life would have been very different if his mother had been around.
The book fascinates with descriptions of people, objects, events, read and as if compressing something sharp, stronger and stronger. If it didn’t matter, if someone took care of it, if someone grabbed it in a hunch and shook it well...
The book is amazing, funny, sad, piercing, beautiful... I fell in love with Theo, Pippa, Boris, Hobie...
This book is about art, about life, about love, about friendship, but for me it is a book about parents and children, about how lonely and helpless a child becomes when she loses her mother. How could everything have happened if... I would very much like my daughter to read The Shchelka, and a couple of years later my son, who almost does not read books.
Quotes:
How did I get carried away in this strange new life where drunk foreigners yell at night and I walk around in dirty clothes and nobody likes me?
“The source of a great sadness that I am just beginning to realize is that we are not allowed to choose our hearts. We cannot force ourselves to want what is good for us or what is good for others. We do not choose who we are.”
“What if this badness of ours, our mistakes, is what determines our fate, what leads us to the good? What if one of us just can’t get there the other way? ?
Anna Gavalda's "35 kilos of hope"
Oksana:“This is a book for teenage writer Anna Gavalda. And I think such a kind and touching story is worth reading not only children, but also parents, reading and talking to each other.
Children are often left alone with their problems. Society rejects people other than everyone else. For example, it is believed that children should learn well. What if it doesn't work? If “everything they teach in school is Chinese literacy”, if “it flies into one ear, flies into the other”, if “the head is like a sieve”? Will the golden hands and the big heart notice?
The main character of the story, thirteen-year-old Gregoire Dubosk (who just weighs those 35 kilos), does not know how to learn. He stays in his second year twice, his classmates laugh at him, and his parents, knowing about Gregoire’s talent (he likes to invent and make various unusual things), constantly scold him for poor performance at school.
Only the grandfather believes in the boy. It is he who becomes a true friend, supports, and when necessary, pushes. I'll tell you what, buddy, it's much easier to be unhappy than to be happy, and I don't like, you know, people looking for easy ways. I can't stand whining! Be happy, damn it! Do something to be happy!
Are we turning a blind eye to our children’s problems by trying to make them “same”? Not everyone is given language or mathematics. Or maybe your two-year-old son writes poetry or is best at football? Accept it as it is, without comparing it to anyone. Give him hope."
Quotes:
When I was 5, my mother always told me that the most important thing in life is to be happy. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote "happy." They said, "You didn't understand the task," and I said, "You didn't understand life."
I want to tell you that your parents are not fighting because of you, no. It's about them and only about them. It's not your fault, it's not your fault, okay? Nothing to do with it. I'll tell you more: even if you were an A.D. student and the first student in class, they'd still scratch. They'd just have to find another reason, that's all.
“One of two. You can lie down on your bed and cry. There's a reason: your life is shitty, and you're shit, and if you die now, everyone's gonna get better. You can get up and make something!
Jannette Walls, "Castle of Glass"
Elena:This book, which was recommended to me by a friend in love with her, I will probably read myself more than once. It blasts the parental brain from the very first pages. And when you also realize that all this is not fiction, but someone’s real life, a real childhood, you begin to empathize with all your heart with the heroes on every page, be surprised, amazed and shake on the neck of your head.
The author of the book, Jannett Walls, grew up in a large family, which by all measures was dysfunctional. Unemployed parents, a heavily drinking father and an artist mother who has never sold a single painting. Constant moving, living in abandoned houses, car vans and even in the desert. Children left largely to themselves, often hungry or foraging for food in the trash - all this was as a child Jannett. But!
From the very first pages of the book, it is surprising that in the eyes of a child this childhood was ... happy! And parents – albeit strange, but... the best! At first glance, mother and father spent all their free time with their children, taught them everything they knew, invented wonderful activities and adventures, instilled independence and the most important human qualities.
The children felt what a close-knit, friendly family they had, how fun and great it was to overcome any obstacles together, and they did not doubt for a moment that their parents really loved them.
Of course, due to the fact that due to oversight, children sometimes received terrible injuries or were forced to eat rotten food, or even spend the night in the open air, ordinary average parents have hair on end. But there is something in this strange family that many families with children lack today. And what could be learned from this alcoholic and infantile artist.
Quotes:
“Mom always said that people care too much about their children. Some of the suffering in childhood is beneficial, she argued. Suffering activates the body’s and soul’s immune systems, which is why Mom ignored us when we cried. She believed that jumping around a child too much when he was upset would make him even more moody, as such increased attention would serve as a positive reinforcement of negative behavior.”
“Mom always chose dented cans, even if they were sold at full price, because she said that these cripples should also be loved.”
“Sometimes, instead of retelling amazing stories from his past life, he would devote them to his grand plans for the future. For example, he planned to build the Crystal Palace. It was a special project of a house in the desert, in which he embodied his engineering and mathematical abilities. The castle will have thick crystal walls, a crystal ceiling and a crystal staircase. Solar panels will be installed on the roof, providing electricity for heating and other needs. There will be a water purification system.
The pope had already drawn up a plan for the Crystal Palace and made the bulk of the necessary calculations. He did not part with these drawings and sometimes allowed us to refine the design of our rooms. The only thing left to do was to find gold. And we have to get it as soon as we finish our Seeker. Immediately after that, we will swim in gold and begin the construction of the Crystal Castle.
Sergey Sedov “Tales about mothers”
Tatiana:“Tales about moms” by Sergey Sedov are not quite fairy tales and not only about moms. There is no old-fashioned image of a housewife, as, in general, there is no lady pecked with all her business. But there are many others! An alien mother who looks exactly like her daughter. A mother who gave her son, a toe boy, to a rich man for a lot of money, and then demanded him back. And there is one that did not allow the son-man-eater to eat people found in the forest (so they had the so-called large family).
Stories are short, incredible, fantastic, and at the same time “about life” – you can safely translate to yourself and sometimes even make far-reaching conclusions. Each begins with the words "Once upon a time, there was a mother", and on the first page the author lovingly highlighted a window with the caption "My beloved mother." What is great, bought last year for reading my son, the book fell to my liking and I – the texts are small and entertaining, the illustrations are fun. No, no, no, and imbued with the touch of the story, and somewhere you will be a little better.
Quotes:
“Once upon a time, my mother.
She loved walking in the woods. Walked all day. And her son was an avid hunter. Hunted a big beast.
See in the bushes someone moves (like a boar), aim, but before shooting, be sure to shout (just in case):
- Mom, isn't that you?
The boar naturally escapes... Every time you do it!
Katherine Spiller, “Mom, don’t read it!” Confession of an ungrateful daughter
Anastasia:“This book is very honest. That makes it scary. It was written about her mother by the daughter of the famous writer Galina Shcherbakova (well, still remember her story “You did not dream...” and filmed on her film?). And a woman who wrote about touching teenage love suddenly appears in the confession of her own child a real domestic tyrant, masterfully mastering the skills of psychological pressure.
This woman, according to Katerina, lived under the motto “to appear”, not “to be”. She was very important to the opinion of others, and therefore she, not really loving her child, was forced to somehow raise him, “so that no one thought anything”, in public to portray a kind and caring mother, and then break down on her daughter, hiss at her and constantly reproach her for what she “does not correspond”. And also to lay on fragile children’s shoulders an unbearable burden of guilt for the fact that the mother because of her “could not, did not achieve, did not have time, did not win ...”.
The book should be read by parents who catch themselves making their own children hostage to their ego. Ambition and the culprits of failure in something. For whom raising children suddenly becomes a difficult test, and instead of unconditional love for your child “just like that”, a dangerous “love still needs to be earned” begins to manifest.
To break the life of a child at the very beginning is bitter. But it is even worse when the mother does it.”
Quotes:
“Relatives are the worst enemies. This is the real tragedy of my life. Those who know you best, who can hit the hardest, that's what they do.
“Then, many years later, when I began to be treated by rescue doctors, they explained to me that depression, with all the troubles that accompanied it, began in my childhood because of the stresses that my mother had caused me. At the same time, everything is terribly neglected due to long non-treatment.
Everyone is different, just like their fingerprints. Someone's skin is thick, like a hippopotamus, her parental sadism and school pressure can not break. And there are children impressionable, vulnerable, here they are easy to break, clip the wings, spoil the whole subsequent life, forever knocking out of psychological balance. I'm not lucky. I'm not a hippo. The funny thing is, even my mom used to say,
- You are a man without skin. You can't live like this, grow your skin.”
Recently, in a TV show, an intelligent lady psychologist expressed the following idea: No love is meant, especially love for children. Love must be shown in every way.
And once again I was amazed at the accuracy of such simple as a moo, thoughts! Yes, of course, you have to exercise, tree sticks! Just kiss, hug, take care of every minute, run to the rescue as soon as necessary. Especially the baby. Then, and only then, he grows calm, cheerful, confident that he is not alone, that on his side are always the closest people - his beloved mother and father. This gives him strength to live, to overcome all the difficulties of growing up, it guarantees him peace and even health.
I remember telling my daughter from her childhood: I am always your loyal soldier! God, I hope I did the right thing for her from day one to today!
Author: Elena Kolosova
P.S. And remember, just changing our consumption – together we change the world!
Join us on Facebook, VKontakte, Odnoklassniki
Picture: lady.tut.by/news/inspiration/481406.html
Someone, perhaps, it seems that being a parent is not so difficult: fed, dressed-up, took to the kindergarten, checked the lessons, made sure that the child was “in business” and did not get involved with bad companies – life will teach the rest.
It's not really that simple. And this collection of five books shows how thin the line between love and hatred for their relatives is. How important it is to monitor what to tell your child, what example to set and how much time to devote. Why is it that sometimes ideal for an outside observer, mothers and fathers are the cause of endless suffering for their children, and careless parents sometimes know how to make their children’s childhood truly happy?
Donna Tartt, "The Tench"
Natalia:“Donna Tartt has written three books. I read two, waited for the third, and waited for a long time. 13-year-old Theo Decker miraculously survived the explosion that killed his mother. Abandoned by his father, without a single soulmate in the whole world, he wanders around foster homes and strangers’ families – from New York to Las Vegas – and his only consolation, which, however, almost leads to his death, becomes a masterpiece of the Dutch old master stolen from the museum, and again she postponed. I still read it. It's heavy and beautiful. I read like the mother of a 14-year-old son, realizing that, as corny as it sounds,Who but us needs our children?
The main character is Theo, a deceiver and a thief who makes mistakes, in 9 cases out of 10 doing the wrong thing. I read and understood that his life would have been very different if his mother had been around.
The book fascinates with descriptions of people, objects, events, read and as if compressing something sharp, stronger and stronger. If it didn’t matter, if someone took care of it, if someone grabbed it in a hunch and shook it well...
The book is amazing, funny, sad, piercing, beautiful... I fell in love with Theo, Pippa, Boris, Hobie...
This book is about art, about life, about love, about friendship, but for me it is a book about parents and children, about how lonely and helpless a child becomes when she loses her mother. How could everything have happened if... I would very much like my daughter to read The Shchelka, and a couple of years later my son, who almost does not read books.
Quotes:
How did I get carried away in this strange new life where drunk foreigners yell at night and I walk around in dirty clothes and nobody likes me?
“The source of a great sadness that I am just beginning to realize is that we are not allowed to choose our hearts. We cannot force ourselves to want what is good for us or what is good for others. We do not choose who we are.”
“What if this badness of ours, our mistakes, is what determines our fate, what leads us to the good? What if one of us just can’t get there the other way? ?
Anna Gavalda's "35 kilos of hope"
Oksana:“This is a book for teenage writer Anna Gavalda. And I think such a kind and touching story is worth reading not only children, but also parents, reading and talking to each other.
Children are often left alone with their problems. Society rejects people other than everyone else. For example, it is believed that children should learn well. What if it doesn't work? If “everything they teach in school is Chinese literacy”, if “it flies into one ear, flies into the other”, if “the head is like a sieve”? Will the golden hands and the big heart notice?
The main character of the story, thirteen-year-old Gregoire Dubosk (who just weighs those 35 kilos), does not know how to learn. He stays in his second year twice, his classmates laugh at him, and his parents, knowing about Gregoire’s talent (he likes to invent and make various unusual things), constantly scold him for poor performance at school.
Only the grandfather believes in the boy. It is he who becomes a true friend, supports, and when necessary, pushes. I'll tell you what, buddy, it's much easier to be unhappy than to be happy, and I don't like, you know, people looking for easy ways. I can't stand whining! Be happy, damn it! Do something to be happy!
Are we turning a blind eye to our children’s problems by trying to make them “same”? Not everyone is given language or mathematics. Or maybe your two-year-old son writes poetry or is best at football? Accept it as it is, without comparing it to anyone. Give him hope."
Quotes:
When I was 5, my mother always told me that the most important thing in life is to be happy. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote "happy." They said, "You didn't understand the task," and I said, "You didn't understand life."
I want to tell you that your parents are not fighting because of you, no. It's about them and only about them. It's not your fault, it's not your fault, okay? Nothing to do with it. I'll tell you more: even if you were an A.D. student and the first student in class, they'd still scratch. They'd just have to find another reason, that's all.
“One of two. You can lie down on your bed and cry. There's a reason: your life is shitty, and you're shit, and if you die now, everyone's gonna get better. You can get up and make something!
Jannette Walls, "Castle of Glass"
Elena:This book, which was recommended to me by a friend in love with her, I will probably read myself more than once. It blasts the parental brain from the very first pages. And when you also realize that all this is not fiction, but someone’s real life, a real childhood, you begin to empathize with all your heart with the heroes on every page, be surprised, amazed and shake on the neck of your head.
The author of the book, Jannett Walls, grew up in a large family, which by all measures was dysfunctional. Unemployed parents, a heavily drinking father and an artist mother who has never sold a single painting. Constant moving, living in abandoned houses, car vans and even in the desert. Children left largely to themselves, often hungry or foraging for food in the trash - all this was as a child Jannett. But!
From the very first pages of the book, it is surprising that in the eyes of a child this childhood was ... happy! And parents – albeit strange, but... the best! At first glance, mother and father spent all their free time with their children, taught them everything they knew, invented wonderful activities and adventures, instilled independence and the most important human qualities.
The children felt what a close-knit, friendly family they had, how fun and great it was to overcome any obstacles together, and they did not doubt for a moment that their parents really loved them.
Of course, due to the fact that due to oversight, children sometimes received terrible injuries or were forced to eat rotten food, or even spend the night in the open air, ordinary average parents have hair on end. But there is something in this strange family that many families with children lack today. And what could be learned from this alcoholic and infantile artist.
Quotes:
“Mom always said that people care too much about their children. Some of the suffering in childhood is beneficial, she argued. Suffering activates the body’s and soul’s immune systems, which is why Mom ignored us when we cried. She believed that jumping around a child too much when he was upset would make him even more moody, as such increased attention would serve as a positive reinforcement of negative behavior.”
“Mom always chose dented cans, even if they were sold at full price, because she said that these cripples should also be loved.”
“Sometimes, instead of retelling amazing stories from his past life, he would devote them to his grand plans for the future. For example, he planned to build the Crystal Palace. It was a special project of a house in the desert, in which he embodied his engineering and mathematical abilities. The castle will have thick crystal walls, a crystal ceiling and a crystal staircase. Solar panels will be installed on the roof, providing electricity for heating and other needs. There will be a water purification system.
The pope had already drawn up a plan for the Crystal Palace and made the bulk of the necessary calculations. He did not part with these drawings and sometimes allowed us to refine the design of our rooms. The only thing left to do was to find gold. And we have to get it as soon as we finish our Seeker. Immediately after that, we will swim in gold and begin the construction of the Crystal Castle.
Sergey Sedov “Tales about mothers”
Tatiana:“Tales about moms” by Sergey Sedov are not quite fairy tales and not only about moms. There is no old-fashioned image of a housewife, as, in general, there is no lady pecked with all her business. But there are many others! An alien mother who looks exactly like her daughter. A mother who gave her son, a toe boy, to a rich man for a lot of money, and then demanded him back. And there is one that did not allow the son-man-eater to eat people found in the forest (so they had the so-called large family).
Stories are short, incredible, fantastic, and at the same time “about life” – you can safely translate to yourself and sometimes even make far-reaching conclusions. Each begins with the words "Once upon a time, there was a mother", and on the first page the author lovingly highlighted a window with the caption "My beloved mother." What is great, bought last year for reading my son, the book fell to my liking and I – the texts are small and entertaining, the illustrations are fun. No, no, no, and imbued with the touch of the story, and somewhere you will be a little better.
Quotes:
“Once upon a time, my mother.
She loved walking in the woods. Walked all day. And her son was an avid hunter. Hunted a big beast.
See in the bushes someone moves (like a boar), aim, but before shooting, be sure to shout (just in case):
- Mom, isn't that you?
The boar naturally escapes... Every time you do it!
Katherine Spiller, “Mom, don’t read it!” Confession of an ungrateful daughter
Anastasia:“This book is very honest. That makes it scary. It was written about her mother by the daughter of the famous writer Galina Shcherbakova (well, still remember her story “You did not dream...” and filmed on her film?). And a woman who wrote about touching teenage love suddenly appears in the confession of her own child a real domestic tyrant, masterfully mastering the skills of psychological pressure.
This woman, according to Katerina, lived under the motto “to appear”, not “to be”. She was very important to the opinion of others, and therefore she, not really loving her child, was forced to somehow raise him, “so that no one thought anything”, in public to portray a kind and caring mother, and then break down on her daughter, hiss at her and constantly reproach her for what she “does not correspond”. And also to lay on fragile children’s shoulders an unbearable burden of guilt for the fact that the mother because of her “could not, did not achieve, did not have time, did not win ...”.
The book should be read by parents who catch themselves making their own children hostage to their ego. Ambition and the culprits of failure in something. For whom raising children suddenly becomes a difficult test, and instead of unconditional love for your child “just like that”, a dangerous “love still needs to be earned” begins to manifest.
To break the life of a child at the very beginning is bitter. But it is even worse when the mother does it.”
Quotes:
“Relatives are the worst enemies. This is the real tragedy of my life. Those who know you best, who can hit the hardest, that's what they do.
“Then, many years later, when I began to be treated by rescue doctors, they explained to me that depression, with all the troubles that accompanied it, began in my childhood because of the stresses that my mother had caused me. At the same time, everything is terribly neglected due to long non-treatment.
Everyone is different, just like their fingerprints. Someone's skin is thick, like a hippopotamus, her parental sadism and school pressure can not break. And there are children impressionable, vulnerable, here they are easy to break, clip the wings, spoil the whole subsequent life, forever knocking out of psychological balance. I'm not lucky. I'm not a hippo. The funny thing is, even my mom used to say,
- You are a man without skin. You can't live like this, grow your skin.”
Recently, in a TV show, an intelligent lady psychologist expressed the following idea: No love is meant, especially love for children. Love must be shown in every way.
And once again I was amazed at the accuracy of such simple as a moo, thoughts! Yes, of course, you have to exercise, tree sticks! Just kiss, hug, take care of every minute, run to the rescue as soon as necessary. Especially the baby. Then, and only then, he grows calm, cheerful, confident that he is not alone, that on his side are always the closest people - his beloved mother and father. This gives him strength to live, to overcome all the difficulties of growing up, it guarantees him peace and even health.
I remember telling my daughter from her childhood: I am always your loyal soldier! God, I hope I did the right thing for her from day one to today!
Author: Elena Kolosova
P.S. And remember, just changing our consumption – together we change the world!
Join us on Facebook, VKontakte, Odnoklassniki
Picture: lady.tut.by/news/inspiration/481406.html
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