Kindergarten: the illusion of choice

Kindergarten... How much different for me in this phrase. Let's just say, when my son was six months, a year, two years, I thought I'd give it to kindergarten. That is not something that thought will not leave him there in principle, just like was not necessary, and everything went pretty smoothly. Plus he had health problems, began a series of obstructive bronchitis, and was not to the kindergarten. Then he turned three and then three and a half years. And I realized that so can not continue, I have an overdose of communion with him. 24/7 — a little too much, I do not.

Now I'm decorating a child in kindergarten. Yes, I worried about how he will be there alone without me. I worry how hard you're lucky or not with the kindergarten teachers and assistants kindergarten teachers. How will he socialize with other children. I have no illusions. I understand that there are many children per teacher and assistant.

Understand that an individual approach is a mythical luxury and in principle it is not particularly expect. I'm trying not to laugh out loud when I hear about the importance of “socialization”, which is available exclusively in the garden.

The only thing I really hope he may soon learn it is better to dress/undress, and become a more advanced user of pot. Plus he will be where to put your energy and activity, because I can not cope with this stream. And communication, Yes. Communication with peers and peers. The downside is that this is not going to work out dosing.



I'm trying to mentally prepare for adaptation and a series of diseases. One of the most amazing opinions on this matter was as follows: ”And why should we tune in to the negativity? Think good thoughts and all will be well! Children feel and broadcast!”

For me personally, is quite an obvious fact that children in daycare get sick. Someone disease take weeks, but usually it's months, and someone years. I really hope to meet in half a year, and I understand that it is the minimum. How would personally I think about “good”©, I'm not thinking about the facts. No matter how much I set myself personally, I am well aware of the condition of my son. And that somehow uh... And then it turns out that if my kid had any problems, I blame myself, because few were tuned to the positive. Now, if thoroughly set up, then no problem would not have happened. Long live the belief in a just world, yay!

When I used to read articles about kindergartens, it was written sometimes plain text, sometimes covertly that the gardens are evil. And many who remember this wonderful saying that the garden should take place only in case of starvation. We understand that for the survival of all good, and I can even sacrifice his child and give it up for a good cause aka survival. /sarcasm/

Or at least a great theses, the essence of which is that it is possible to be interrupted and not to fly on holiday to Spain several times a year. It sounds particularly disgusting, given that a considerable number of families barely have enough for Essentials and food. Seasonal clothing and shoes — it is a luxury, which is a big problem. And even if your income is above average or much above average, then you somehow have to justify why you need their personal time, or work, or something else. And why you dare to think not only about the child/children.

I'm not starving, but would like to live better than now. I want and need more time. If I could I would hire a babysitter and enjoy life. Or would looking for places format 1-3 children per teacher. But, alas, the nanny I can't afford. Gardens with low children. So he remains, a regular kindergarten.
When I was looking for information on this subject, point of view, mostly, met extremely polar:
— the garden of evil, need to do to have a remote job, before the birth to establish your business, and with children who are desperately trying to “help” or just shout in my ear to work.

the garden is a great blessing and a must-have, take care of their children and not deprive them of socialization!

There was a great variety of reasonable and not so scary as the arguments for and against kindergartens.

Among people who are not familiar with the ideas of alpha-parenting and attachment theory, most of which kindergarten is the norm. If the mother is able to give a child in kindergarten and has such a desire, it will at least not to understand, to Express her contempt, to blame, desperately trying to teach life and, of course, to spare the suffering of a child, optional trying to save the baby from such a grief-mothers. Will be given 100500 pretty convincing arguments for it, will be a lot of pressure. If the mother has the strength to resist all this, then it is with a giant probability of doubts and guilt. And doubt and guilt on any aspect of motherhood — the burden of the vast majority of mothers.

In not so many circles, which dominate the ideas of alpha parenting, kindergarten is definitely not comme Il faut. Mom need to educate their children at home itself. Theoretically allowed a babysitter or daycare after 4-5 years, with a minimum number of children according to Montessori or Waldorf. Of course, not every day and on a small number of hours. Oh, and with my mother beside him.

The first couple of years of my motherhood I also sort of impressed. Or not so much impressed by how much was consonant with my view of the world and my abilities. But gradually force out, the son demanded a lot of attention, and I tend to zero.

I remember and understand that the garden is not the most ideal place in the world that my son has certain needs that with huge probability will not be satisfied in the garden to the full, that he had health problems, with skin, and just ended psychological constipation. And DS is coercion, even humiliation, for pots and bowls. Sometimes the violence during the meal. And I definitely do not want your child. Not that I bore him, gave birth and raised that it broke or was asserting itself.

We, me and my husband, talked with the head of DS, where we plan to drive son. Discussed all the major burning issues. And, lo and behold, I met acceptance and understanding. Ahead of the conversation with the nurse regarding immunizations, educators and assistants educators of our group regarding the potty, constipation and psychological coercion during the meal. Will chat with my husband. Unfortunately, men are somehow more attentive listening than women.

I really don't know how we're going to be. Deep down I hope for a miracle and that there must at least something and somewhere to get lucky.

Mostly I hate that mothers have no choice, if not a few extra tens of thousands of rubles per month. This despite the fact that there are so many children who need individual approach. There are so many children who need individual menus such as gluten free or without cow milk protein — and it's only the most common, and the full list can be continued indefinitely. And then there are children who are in principle not suitable kindergarten, but there is no alternative.



In an ideal society, friendly to children and their mothers, I assume, could be about such options.

— Ability to work from home for those who are comfortable. Courses that could teach visitors they should be either free or their cost is deducted from the next few months.

— More co-working spaces, more places with playgrounds, workshops. Where they could safely delegate of the child, and the most easy to work with.

— Sane kindergartens, where the group significantly fewer children and more adults. Where there is a choice of food depending on health and needs of the individual child. Where an individual approach to each child, where children of different ages in one group. And there is video monitoring for parents.

Social nanny or partial reimbursement of the cost of a nanny from the state.

— In different organizations — children's rooms and knowledgeable staff, plus CCTV. First, the huge plus for the firm is that the employee children benefit and profit, without leaving indefinitely on sick leave. Secondly, it is not so expensive. Thirdly, it should be state subsidized.

A great many women would like to work but are unable to do so for several reasons. Sole to combine childcare and work at home at least half unreal. And a bunch of standard office job did not require eight-hour working day. It is possible to do two shifts of 4 hours for two different women.

There is quite a strong opinion that children's bedrooms in the workplace mothers are not able to workand will suffer as their flesh and blood under the proper supervision of and behind the wall, and generally will run up and down, the productivity of such workers will be negligible. Of overlooked the fact that the woman is very interested in the work and values its place. And overlooked that many of the staff every 15 minutes I go to smoke, every hour — tea/coffee drink. Playing different games. And it is not particularly objectionable. The same time could be spent on communicating with children, only profit would be higher.

The sad thing is, nobody gives a fuck about all of the above is not necessary. Except for women with children. And women with children are so economically dependent, so ignore that to talk about their needs, and sometimes even think about them, just don't see the point. Our voices are not heard.

It is women hostage to his mother. Search nurse, talks with her, fiddling with emergency situations — all women do. Search for reviews on the garden and staff — all women do. Attending meetings, solving different problems falls on the shoulders of women. And men are all great and the head a thousand different questions related to their fatherhood, absolutely does not hurt. They always have a choice how much to engage in parenting and included, if at all. And women — no. published

Author: Maria Drozdova

P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©

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