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Emotional deafness environment
The child jumps up next to her mother, which stands to the cashier for ice cream. Here is the long awaited sweetness will be in his hands! He begins to open it, the ice cream falls out of his hands, the baby cries.
Mom tries to calm and said: "Well, don't cry, let's buy you another." The child begins to cry even louder and shouts: "I do Not want more! I hochuuuuu, eeeeeooooooo!!!"
"Mom, I turn on the light in the toilet, I'm afraid!" — asks the daughter.
"Oh, well, there's no one there. See – nobody!" — aggressively says.
"I am still afraid! Turn on the light..." — she started to sob.
"Dad, you don't play fair! You beat me!" — shouted the child, throwing the dice.
"How unfair? All the rules were" — calmly explains to dad.
The child runs away, with the force of slamming the door behind him.
Why, when we are so clear, logical and comprehensible, explain to the child the situation he was even more angry and offended? How is it that with so much effort, to appease him, we get a completely opposite effect?
The logic is simple, accessible and understandable to an adult, who lived already some part of life. That's the way of the world – crashed the thing, so fix it or leave it. Something does not work – just try again. Don't want to be friends with you – forget it, there are others.
And in this logical chain the parents completely lose such an important part of a relationship, like emotional warmth.
"You don't understand me!" — screams in the hearts of the wife to her husband. "How many times have I told you this!?".
And because at this point she did not want her beloved man understood. Because, really, he understands everything – tired, sit down and rest, drink some tea, it'll pass. He even offered her one too many times. And for some reason she kept on crying.
And, most interestingly, she understands, Yes, tired. And even more she understands that to sit and drink a Cup of tea will help. You need to hugged, kissed, just silently sat for a while. And then there will be strength. Will appear not on the correct words, but the feeling that you see, hear and feel.
Just when I was a child when she was a little girl, she made it clear that what she feels is not important. Essential logic – in a dark closet no one, broken favorite Cup, just throw in the trash, and a girlfriend, who doesn't want to play, just to forget.
Someone from adults, grown wise life experience had taught her that logic can solve everything. That feelings are not important, and they should not bother. Much more important to understand. And now, this grown woman yells at her husband not because she does not understand what tired. She screams it's because her emotional inner world requires help and support.
And, today, when we find no words to soothe a child who just dropped an ice cream, it is important for us to remember that he has feelings of pain, resentment, frustration. And he just asks that we saw them, and allowed him to live.
He wants our human warmth. Every minute of his life, the child appeals to an adult is not for the logic and experience of his past years.He speaks to us in human warmth. And when he gets it, he's inside appears even more peace of mind and joy – in this world everything is good. They have the confidence that parents love and understand him. And then you'll have a great desire to go to meet us and build with us a close and trusting relationship.
I wish for all of us! published
Author: Valeria Humus
Also interesting: Mom didn't understand anything...
Why children can't hear us
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Source: vk.com/roditeli_i?w=wall-5608057_1265337
Mom tries to calm and said: "Well, don't cry, let's buy you another." The child begins to cry even louder and shouts: "I do Not want more! I hochuuuuu, eeeeeooooooo!!!"
"Mom, I turn on the light in the toilet, I'm afraid!" — asks the daughter.
"Oh, well, there's no one there. See – nobody!" — aggressively says.
"I am still afraid! Turn on the light..." — she started to sob.
"Dad, you don't play fair! You beat me!" — shouted the child, throwing the dice.
"How unfair? All the rules were" — calmly explains to dad.
The child runs away, with the force of slamming the door behind him.
Why, when we are so clear, logical and comprehensible, explain to the child the situation he was even more angry and offended? How is it that with so much effort, to appease him, we get a completely opposite effect?
The logic is simple, accessible and understandable to an adult, who lived already some part of life. That's the way of the world – crashed the thing, so fix it or leave it. Something does not work – just try again. Don't want to be friends with you – forget it, there are others.
And in this logical chain the parents completely lose such an important part of a relationship, like emotional warmth.
"You don't understand me!" — screams in the hearts of the wife to her husband. "How many times have I told you this!?".
And because at this point she did not want her beloved man understood. Because, really, he understands everything – tired, sit down and rest, drink some tea, it'll pass. He even offered her one too many times. And for some reason she kept on crying.
And, most interestingly, she understands, Yes, tired. And even more she understands that to sit and drink a Cup of tea will help. You need to hugged, kissed, just silently sat for a while. And then there will be strength. Will appear not on the correct words, but the feeling that you see, hear and feel.
Just when I was a child when she was a little girl, she made it clear that what she feels is not important. Essential logic – in a dark closet no one, broken favorite Cup, just throw in the trash, and a girlfriend, who doesn't want to play, just to forget.
Someone from adults, grown wise life experience had taught her that logic can solve everything. That feelings are not important, and they should not bother. Much more important to understand. And now, this grown woman yells at her husband not because she does not understand what tired. She screams it's because her emotional inner world requires help and support.
And, today, when we find no words to soothe a child who just dropped an ice cream, it is important for us to remember that he has feelings of pain, resentment, frustration. And he just asks that we saw them, and allowed him to live.
He wants our human warmth. Every minute of his life, the child appeals to an adult is not for the logic and experience of his past years.He speaks to us in human warmth. And when he gets it, he's inside appears even more peace of mind and joy – in this world everything is good. They have the confidence that parents love and understand him. And then you'll have a great desire to go to meet us and build with us a close and trusting relationship.
I wish for all of us! published
Author: Valeria Humus
Also interesting: Mom didn't understand anything...
Why children can't hear us
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Source: vk.com/roditeli_i?w=wall-5608057_1265337
