Numerous studies conducted in different countries of the world, say that at the age of from twenty to thirty years, life becomes easier. But most of the changes that occur during this period, related to the obligations which should start to take.
Publish an excerpt from the bestseller "the Important years" American psychologist Meg Jay, in which she describes what happens to a person at this time and confirms these changes life example.
For many years, scientists studying the development of personality, have lively discussions about the fact if people change after thirty.
Numerous studies have shown that actually we do not change. After thirty our thoughts, feelings and actions incredibly stable. An extrovert remains extroverted; conscientious person — the same in good faith.However, to what degree people do not change, there is disagreement.
Some researchers argue that "except in cases of external interference and tragic events, after thirty years personal qualities remain essentially unchanged."
Others are more optimistic, giving the person a chance to change, albeit slightly. But regardless of whether we can change after thirty, at least a little bit or not, all participants of the discussion came to the conclusion that clinical psychologists have known for a long time: at the age of from twenty to thirty years the identity of the person is changing to a much greater extent than in any period before or after.
In the media youth served as a chance become a new person
This is a very important conclusion, as conventional wisdom says that personality is formed in childhood and adolescence. The Jesuits have such aphorism: "Give me the child until seven and I'll make a man of him
". According to Freud's theory of personality development ends at puberty.
And the media youth is served as a chance to become a new person. Clinical psychologists know that of all of the stages of life from age twenty to thirty years — the best in order to change. I had to see how these young people move from social anxiety to social confidence or overcome the effects of unhappy childhood in a relatively short period of time.
And because such changes occur just at the time when a choice is made in terms of long-term career and relationships, the lives of these boys and girls may be very different. At the age of from twenty to thirty years of a person and his personality is most ready for transformation.
I once was the supervisor of students of the psychology Department, who said that she doesn't like to work with young people from twenty to thirty years. She explained that communicating with the older generation, feels like a doctor examining patients, as if its job is to detect a failure in life and to find a solution to the problem.
It is believed that studying a kind of fatal cases, identifying the problems that lead to divorce, failures in career and other personal tragedies. When this student worked with twenty to thirty years, she had more difficulty. She was worried about what could make them better or worse. She said she feels "at stake is something more." Maybe she didn't understand something in the treatment of older people, but was right about one thing: the ages of twenty and thirty is not the time to analyze the causes of the incident. Life goes on. It's not too late to change something.
Sam learned about the divorce of his parents Sunday morning, for a bowl of cereal.
At the time he was twelve, and after two weeks he was going to school in seventh grade. Mom explained to him that bought a house on the same street, and promised that he will live as before, but only in two houses. Trying to cheer up her son, she asked him to help with the move.
It seemed to her that a child his age should be interested in carrying things on the trolley from one house to another. Now Sam came to this bitter conclusion, "My mother too had involved me in the process and allowed me to get away from it too much fun." He felt cheated.
Each of the parents wanted to be part of Sam's life, so when the school year has begun, the boy through the day he lived in one, then in another house. In the morning he piled the backpack of those things and the books would want him this day and part of the next.
The next morning he woke up and did it all over again. For six years the only thing that remained in his life constant is the anxiety that he forgot something, and anger due to the fact that he has to rush here and there. According to Sam, "stupid principle "through the day" in the interests of the parents, not him." For parents it was a way to deny the fact that their life has really changed, and the rest they didn't think too much, especially about Sam.Sam started going to therapy because since the divorce of his parents, he suffered from anxiety and anger.
He hoped that with time he gets better, and I knew that talking about the past will not get far. I decided that it was necessary to send our Sam's attention on his present, with which, as it turned out, he had problems too. Every session Sam came over with a backpack.
There were a few clothes and maybe even a toothbrush, because Sam never knew where to sleep and where the hell his house. He said he lives in five different places. Formally, he lived in the house his mother and stepfather, but often stayed at friends, especially if after the party was easier to stay in that area of the city. Summary Sam was as disordered as his life with overnight stays in different places.
After College he changed jobs almost every year. In the period when Sam walked up to me on the sessions, he was "carefree unemployed". It was assumed that he needs to enjoy life, living on the Dole.
However, its existence became less carefree. Sam complained about life "without some work." He no longer liked to go to parties like I used to. It is with such excitement waiting for the question "What do you do?" that drank a few SIPS of liqueur, before leaving home on Friday or Saturday evening. At parties when I start talking about work, Sam was embarrassed and went to drink something stronger.
Sam and I talked about the study the Pew Research Center, the results of which conclusions were drawn, the opposite of what we are trying to convince the films and blogs: those young people from twenty to thirty years who have a job are happier than those who do not.
I recommended Sam to in addition to attending therapy sessions, he found work and a place for permanent residence. After these words, the skepticism quickly returned, and Sam said that boring job will only aggravate the situation, and the responsibility for the apartment will add to him the headaches. And he said that a stable job and apartment, which he must take care is the last thing he needs. Sam was wrong.
The goals that you set for yourself now will determine what you will be the age from thirty to forty years of age and older
Numerous studies conducted in different countries of the world, say that at the age of from twenty to thirty years, life becomes easier.
We become emotionally more stable and not so sensitive moving the vicissitudes of fate. We become more responsible and socially competent. We are more willing to accept life for what it is, and is ready to cooperate with other people.
In General, we become people more satisfied with life and self-confident, and less experienced, as Sam said, anxiety and anger. However, such changes do not occur with each person. Sam couldn't just expect him to get better, and then wandering with a backpack on his back.
According to psychologists, ranging in age from twenty to thirty years of positive personality changes occur due to the ability "to continue to live and move on." Attempt to avoid adulthood will help you to feel better; this can happen only through investment in adult life. Twenty years is the period when we move from school to work, from casual sex to a real relationship or, as in the case of Sam, sleeping on others ' couches to her apartment.
Most of these changes requires that we undertook adult commitments (to managers, partners, landlords, roommates). These obligations are radically changing how our position in society and who we really are.
Investments in love and work start the process of maturation of the individual. The status of employee of the company to successfully partner contributes to its transformation and permanent residence in one place helps more sedentary lifestyle. On the contrary, boys and girls of twenty years, who do not strive to live life to the fullest and move on, experiencing such feelings as depression, anger and alienation.
There are many ways to assume such obligations to the outside world.
In twenty years, sometimes you have to put up with what it means to be settled or successful. Big love or the work that you will be proud — such a goal may seem elusive, but we are happier just moving in this direction.
Young people after twenty who achieve a minor success in work or more or less stable financial position, in a greater degree inherent qualities such as confidence, positive attitude and responsibility. The mere existence of goals to make us happier and more confident — both now and later.
During one of the studies, the object of which were young people since graduating College and thirty years, it was found that the active goal setting in age from twenty to thirty years promotes commitment, skill, ability to work and welfare in the age of from thirty to forty years.
Our goals are to show who we are and who we want to become. They talk about how we organize our life. Purposes referred to as structural elements of personality of an adult, so you should pay special attention to the following: the goals that you set for yourself now will determine what you will be the age from thirty to forty years of age and older.
Obligations to other people outside of work also contribute to the change and well-being. According to the results of studies conducted in the US and Europe, it was found that the formation of sustainable relationships helping young people twenty years to feel more confident and more responsible, regardless of whether these relationships to develop or not.
Steady relationships reduce the level of social anxiety and depression because they allow us to feel less alone and provide an opportunity to practice the skills of interpersonal communication. We are learning to manage emotions and resolve conflicts. Relationships with loved ones to help us find new ways to prepare for life in the adult world. And in those days, when it becomes really difficult to survive the events, they can be a source of confidence and more a safe haven than that which we can find his parents.
Those who lead a solitary life in twenty years, for thirty years, significantly decreases self-esteem
Although the media praised the single life is really not pleasant to be alone in twenty years. The study, which analyzed the lives of young people in the period from just over twenty to almost thirty years, revealed that 80 percent of singles (boys and girls who went to Dating and having casual relationships, but did not take on major responsibilities) are unhappy with this life and only 10 percent do not want to have partners.
Permanent no pair can have a detrimental effect on the lives of men, as those who lead a solitary life in twenty years to thirty years, significantly decreases self-esteem.
Sam knew the opposite.
He believed that he could not become a part of the world, until you are an adult, but in fact it is impossible to feel like an adult, not having adapted to their world. Sam felt that the real world will only exacerbate his problems, but in order to get rid of feelings of anxiety and anger in twenty or even thirty years, there is only one reliable way to set goals and to assume certain obligations.
Sam began searching the apartment. Prior to that, he filmed them for a short period. For several months he felt calmer, but then again began to collect a backpack. Sam saw no need of permanent residence, until I realized that more than anything wants to get a dog.
When Sam found an apartment and bought a dog, he came back to life. The need to care for her and walk of life has given Sam the rhythm that it was not enough. During the sessions, he told funny stories about my dog and showed pictures.
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I saw how his personality and life change right before your eyes.
Sam started to walk dogs for money. He worked as an assistant instructor at dog training. He soon saved up enough money to open a small business — service care for dogs, called Dog Days. According to Sam, this was his chance to do things differently. Soon after the Dog Days of beginning work,
Sam had dropped out of psychotherapy. Work took a lot of time, and it became difficult to meet with me regularly. A couple of years Sam wrote me an email stating that he feels much happier and more confident.
Author: Meg Jay
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©