398
Differently does not understand Why parents hit children
It is very important to understand why we beat their children. Because deep down, all parents feel that the beat is bad. Why is this still for us – perhaps?
Me too beat.
It's scary. A generation of broken children suffered, grew up and now their children's pain, considers a possible argument to justify your own cruelty to a child. Heart, but still asked: "You beat. And what is it like?". Really, even if this was the case, at least one broken child after a beating confidently declares mother or father: "You did the right thing! I deserve it. Got down to business. Now he understood. Not anymore!"?
Do we really believe no one wanted to avoid this punishment, this pain and humiliation? Remember how many tears in the pillow shed been, how much anger was raised in the children's heart from the injustice and its irreversibility. Of course, it is possible to survive. And many survived. But why give your child to experience what most feared when I? Went home with a deuce in the diary and ... afraid.
Today, when we grew up and consider ourselves to be decent and good, we look back and forgive his parents. And rightly so. But that is no reason to repeat the same mistakes with their children. It is obvious that not all who are beaten, forgave his parents and grew up kind and good.
Among those who were not beaten, these people a lot more. We, broken by their parents, saying that they are grateful and not offended by them, just justify them, afraid to admit to ourselves that our parents are unable to find an approach to us, to share with us his love in full, are unable to resist their emotions. Are unable to protect their children from themselves as themselves.
If otherwise not understand?
This is a very common question and very disturbing. In an attempt to explain something important to the child we, the parents seem to be ready for anything. Our despair at the failure of force to solve problems in communication with the child is willing to push us to madness. We say that the child will understand better in the electric chair, and we are in despair and tears put it there, and we believe that really better to understand.
Or not? Or is there something that will stop us? I have often asked myself this question. If I'm ready to admit that my child really doesn't understand me? If I'm ready to accept what he does not understand? To accept, do not push and leave it as it is without judging it? Do I understand that my child is still good, even if you can't hear me on the important (by the way, important to me) issue?
I began to remember myself as a child, as had my understanding there came moments in which I suddenly realized that long enough I explained to the parents or teachers. Any understanding comes not at once, but as soon as we are ready for it. It is often said in other words bring new meaning, which was lacking in order to fully understand it before. At the same time, the experience of others, which made to encourage children to learn, adults are perceived significantly worse than their own.
We worry that the child will hurt if I take the knife, will die if much will pop out of Windows, get into trouble if not careful on the road. We're afraid and we tell the child of the manual – a guide to action, not noticing that he was on the wave is not ready and does not want to hear that in this volume. We are in despair and fear take the belt.
And in fact, in his anxiety, we forget about yourself and your role – what we, the parents, are the people that should be there for your child all the time until he learns everything he needs to know about security, the world around him, while he's just learning, trying to learn, and completely defenseless.
Much more successfully it will develop, if she will see to it that the knife was out of reach for the child, and the acquaintance with a knife held under her mother's supervision and in an age when the child is ready to learn to use it and to understand that the knife can not be a toy. Same thing with honey, and with a window and with a whole list of situations in which we are trying to resolve the issue a suggestion, and then smashing.
In this case the whipping is not a guarantee of a more profound understanding of the child, what you can do, and what not. Lasher is just the physical act of punishment, a further reason for shame, fear, resentment, even hatred. But not understanding the essence of things.
If we are talking about older children, of course, they will understand why they were punished, though the reasons for this cruelty, they obviously will not understand. It will mean that the child will receive his negative experience which will tell him what is not, what is bad, what beat. A negative experience does not show the child what good that can and should positively where and how you can apply their imagination, knowledge, skills.
Such experience to the contrary restricts the child's personality development, inhibits its energy to the aspirations. It is often important to show the child the direction of its movement, and not to put prohibition sign – do not go here. It is important to transfer his attention, find words, joint classes, and a terrible strap to ban what not to do.
You may need to have patience, you have to feel something the child understand today is not able to notice his personality, to understand why he does not understand what would seem obvious. Perhaps we're wrong about the obviousness of these questions for him. We may not find those words that he was ready to understand. Perhaps the child requires a more detailed story, not just "do not touch, do not hit, do not tear".
Here we need our parent work – the work of a loving mentor, not the Inquisitor. And perhaps we are running out of their difficulties, failures, experiences. In any case, will help a detailed conversation with your child about our feelings to himself, to the situation, about our true desires. It is unlikely that we want to beat the child, rather we want to show him how much we are concerned about his behavior. Be honest to say directly about it. To say in detail, as honestly as possible. The child will understand us much better than any adult. The trust that we show him this conversation, he will highly appreciate and will remember.
I don't have enough patience.
A terrible reason. Scary, because it allows you to justify almost any action of an adult. But, unfortunately, does not answer the main question: why? Why not have the patience for a child?
The child is the meaning of my life. This is the largest and the most important thing that I have. Why do I not have the patience for him, his upbringing? Why is the stupid mistakes other people have enough patience? It turns out that the child, his life, his interests are not my priority. I lie to myself and others when they talk about how they are dear to me and dearly loved? So there is something more important in my life, that patience will last always?
It was difficult to admit. Find the double standards, the deceit is hard and painful. But these findings allow us to move forward in understanding and change. They honestly show the reality, make it impossible to err.
As for patience, I found many ways to help yourself: global understanding of the meaning of his life, analyzing the true state of Affairs in the family, in his own soul, until at times the very household recipe. Once I reallocated the time and found time for their personal recreation. I realized that 15 minutes in the bathroom in the evening is also a vacation – time to gather my thoughts, to remember the day that happened, and what is not, to revise a difficult situation, try to change them, time to plan for tomorrow.
I also became attentive to the time that I devote to children.
I'm with the kids all day, working with us and grandparents, we live separately, the husband comes home from work after eight in the evening, and of course, I was really tired with three kids alone. At some point I caught myself on the fact that I pay little attention to them. I drive with them on different lessons, we do have a very diverse and interesting leisure.
I walk with them for a long time on the Playground. Cook, feed, read. Sculpt and paint. How can it be that I pay little attention to the children? I some time looking for an answer to this question. And I realized that everything I do, this is a great app to the main. And most importantly – is a personal communication, without any particular purpose, just because I want to be together.
This is when the mother sat on the sofa, the kids swarmed her, and she caresses them, kisses, romping with them, talking to them about what they are now interested. In these moments you can tell your mom that you really want the doll. And expensive to trust her that you understand that you have a lot of toys and you often receive gifts, but the doll in the pink tub, you still want.
A complex of bad mother
Mom was also mom
In these moments it is possible to tell about the boy in the pool, which is high and which has black hair. You can about the girl in the painting and about the fact that the teacher today was in a funny skirt and all the boys laughed. It's time for silly baby talk, when I suddenly realize that found themselves in the whimsical children's world, I've adopted as their own, evenly splitting their children's secrets, experiences and rags for dolls.
A higher happiness than to stroke the hair of her child when he crawls on me, trying to get by and to push brother! This is the life... a real, beautiful, bright... Only our and our children.
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Source: www.nebej.ru/archives/8
Me too beat.
It's scary. A generation of broken children suffered, grew up and now their children's pain, considers a possible argument to justify your own cruelty to a child. Heart, but still asked: "You beat. And what is it like?". Really, even if this was the case, at least one broken child after a beating confidently declares mother or father: "You did the right thing! I deserve it. Got down to business. Now he understood. Not anymore!"?
Do we really believe no one wanted to avoid this punishment, this pain and humiliation? Remember how many tears in the pillow shed been, how much anger was raised in the children's heart from the injustice and its irreversibility. Of course, it is possible to survive. And many survived. But why give your child to experience what most feared when I? Went home with a deuce in the diary and ... afraid.
Today, when we grew up and consider ourselves to be decent and good, we look back and forgive his parents. And rightly so. But that is no reason to repeat the same mistakes with their children. It is obvious that not all who are beaten, forgave his parents and grew up kind and good.
Among those who were not beaten, these people a lot more. We, broken by their parents, saying that they are grateful and not offended by them, just justify them, afraid to admit to ourselves that our parents are unable to find an approach to us, to share with us his love in full, are unable to resist their emotions. Are unable to protect their children from themselves as themselves.
If otherwise not understand?
This is a very common question and very disturbing. In an attempt to explain something important to the child we, the parents seem to be ready for anything. Our despair at the failure of force to solve problems in communication with the child is willing to push us to madness. We say that the child will understand better in the electric chair, and we are in despair and tears put it there, and we believe that really better to understand.
Or not? Or is there something that will stop us? I have often asked myself this question. If I'm ready to admit that my child really doesn't understand me? If I'm ready to accept what he does not understand? To accept, do not push and leave it as it is without judging it? Do I understand that my child is still good, even if you can't hear me on the important (by the way, important to me) issue?
I began to remember myself as a child, as had my understanding there came moments in which I suddenly realized that long enough I explained to the parents or teachers. Any understanding comes not at once, but as soon as we are ready for it. It is often said in other words bring new meaning, which was lacking in order to fully understand it before. At the same time, the experience of others, which made to encourage children to learn, adults are perceived significantly worse than their own.
We worry that the child will hurt if I take the knife, will die if much will pop out of Windows, get into trouble if not careful on the road. We're afraid and we tell the child of the manual – a guide to action, not noticing that he was on the wave is not ready and does not want to hear that in this volume. We are in despair and fear take the belt.
And in fact, in his anxiety, we forget about yourself and your role – what we, the parents, are the people that should be there for your child all the time until he learns everything he needs to know about security, the world around him, while he's just learning, trying to learn, and completely defenseless.
Much more successfully it will develop, if she will see to it that the knife was out of reach for the child, and the acquaintance with a knife held under her mother's supervision and in an age when the child is ready to learn to use it and to understand that the knife can not be a toy. Same thing with honey, and with a window and with a whole list of situations in which we are trying to resolve the issue a suggestion, and then smashing.
In this case the whipping is not a guarantee of a more profound understanding of the child, what you can do, and what not. Lasher is just the physical act of punishment, a further reason for shame, fear, resentment, even hatred. But not understanding the essence of things.
If we are talking about older children, of course, they will understand why they were punished, though the reasons for this cruelty, they obviously will not understand. It will mean that the child will receive his negative experience which will tell him what is not, what is bad, what beat. A negative experience does not show the child what good that can and should positively where and how you can apply their imagination, knowledge, skills.
Such experience to the contrary restricts the child's personality development, inhibits its energy to the aspirations. It is often important to show the child the direction of its movement, and not to put prohibition sign – do not go here. It is important to transfer his attention, find words, joint classes, and a terrible strap to ban what not to do.
You may need to have patience, you have to feel something the child understand today is not able to notice his personality, to understand why he does not understand what would seem obvious. Perhaps we're wrong about the obviousness of these questions for him. We may not find those words that he was ready to understand. Perhaps the child requires a more detailed story, not just "do not touch, do not hit, do not tear".
Here we need our parent work – the work of a loving mentor, not the Inquisitor. And perhaps we are running out of their difficulties, failures, experiences. In any case, will help a detailed conversation with your child about our feelings to himself, to the situation, about our true desires. It is unlikely that we want to beat the child, rather we want to show him how much we are concerned about his behavior. Be honest to say directly about it. To say in detail, as honestly as possible. The child will understand us much better than any adult. The trust that we show him this conversation, he will highly appreciate and will remember.
I don't have enough patience.
A terrible reason. Scary, because it allows you to justify almost any action of an adult. But, unfortunately, does not answer the main question: why? Why not have the patience for a child?
The child is the meaning of my life. This is the largest and the most important thing that I have. Why do I not have the patience for him, his upbringing? Why is the stupid mistakes other people have enough patience? It turns out that the child, his life, his interests are not my priority. I lie to myself and others when they talk about how they are dear to me and dearly loved? So there is something more important in my life, that patience will last always?
It was difficult to admit. Find the double standards, the deceit is hard and painful. But these findings allow us to move forward in understanding and change. They honestly show the reality, make it impossible to err.
As for patience, I found many ways to help yourself: global understanding of the meaning of his life, analyzing the true state of Affairs in the family, in his own soul, until at times the very household recipe. Once I reallocated the time and found time for their personal recreation. I realized that 15 minutes in the bathroom in the evening is also a vacation – time to gather my thoughts, to remember the day that happened, and what is not, to revise a difficult situation, try to change them, time to plan for tomorrow.
I also became attentive to the time that I devote to children.
I'm with the kids all day, working with us and grandparents, we live separately, the husband comes home from work after eight in the evening, and of course, I was really tired with three kids alone. At some point I caught myself on the fact that I pay little attention to them. I drive with them on different lessons, we do have a very diverse and interesting leisure.
I walk with them for a long time on the Playground. Cook, feed, read. Sculpt and paint. How can it be that I pay little attention to the children? I some time looking for an answer to this question. And I realized that everything I do, this is a great app to the main. And most importantly – is a personal communication, without any particular purpose, just because I want to be together.
This is when the mother sat on the sofa, the kids swarmed her, and she caresses them, kisses, romping with them, talking to them about what they are now interested. In these moments you can tell your mom that you really want the doll. And expensive to trust her that you understand that you have a lot of toys and you often receive gifts, but the doll in the pink tub, you still want.
A complex of bad mother
Mom was also mom
In these moments it is possible to tell about the boy in the pool, which is high and which has black hair. You can about the girl in the painting and about the fact that the teacher today was in a funny skirt and all the boys laughed. It's time for silly baby talk, when I suddenly realize that found themselves in the whimsical children's world, I've adopted as their own, evenly splitting their children's secrets, experiences and rags for dolls.
A higher happiness than to stroke the hair of her child when he crawls on me, trying to get by and to push brother! This is the life... a real, beautiful, bright... Only our and our children.
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Source: www.nebej.ru/archives/8
