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Happiness after the Registrar
Why the statistics of divorces is growing steadily and how to save your marriage for years to come.
From books, movies, lessons of history we know that several centuries ago, to create a family, required parental permission even for adults. Moreover, couples are often "govarivali" almost from birth, and consent to the marriage of the young did not ask.
Today we tend to think that it's a ridiculous relic of the dark ages, to create a family should be "love". But is love the only necessary Foundation for a long and happy relationship? Alas, the harsh statistics shows that is not always because such a high divorce rate has never happened before in the history of our country, and it is growing rapidly.
Today, 70% of young people who married for the first time, dissolve the relationship, without living together and 5 years. Re-marriages end, too, quite often. While married couples "love", but what went wrong? First of all, "love" for man and for woman, as they say, two big differences:
— Man believesthat the "loving wife" needs to respond to his sexual desire to be an understanding friend and an attribute of success – an indication of its position in society.
— A woman wantsto "loving husband" used to spoil her, trying to anticipate needs, admired and was totally focused on family.
They agree, perhaps, only one – the "second half" should arouse the envy of others that is a true balm for the ego. And yet, this is not sufficient for a happy life. Oddly enough, but psychologists often claim that a strong couple is the one where the couple is equally relevant to the question of spending the family budget and know how to clash!
Attitude to Finance
During courtship, everyone wants to make partner the best experience, but when it's the same "way of life", can change everything. And plays an important role and became a joint budget. Emotions that are engulfing the spouses during a discussion of the costs of purchasing are sometimes brighter than from sex.
In America, where all have been paying the cards and not cash, the researchers analyzed the accounts of couples and came to the conclusion that couples who spend equally, file for divorce.
That is, no matter miser or spender you are – if a partner adheres to the same way you handle money, you will be happy, as you will have an understanding on one of the most important issues in the family.
The usual way to interfere
Whatever we thought about the perfect couple — conflict everything. Just each of us puts his understanding of this term – for some it's striking scandal smashing crockery, and someone is always rumbling and complaining. As with finances, it is very important to interfere in the same manner – then you will understand each other.
It is possible to allocate two ways of doing the "right argument":
— If both partners are temperamental, often the disputes are reminiscent of the explosion, when everyone wants to throw out the sweeping emotions. Here, of course, you can say the wrong thing, but if the emotions on each side are the same, each understands that the partner feels the same that he will feel remorse for excessive fervor. Very often after an argument should be as bright reconciliation. Exactly, hence the saying "lovely curse – just gratifying.
If temperaments don't match, then either "explosive" partner will have to hold back, or "calm" try to loosen up and try a new way of expressing emotion. Generally there can not do without the help of a psychologist.
The second way to swear without compromising family also all know, it is called "cut each other". That is, each realizes that beloved is not altered and spend the emotions, as in the first embodiment, it is useless, and the constant grumbling-the reminder helps the partner not to forget about family responsibilities, so to speak, "keeps in shape".
Of course, there are extremes that do not follow the grumbling. Eternal dissatisfaction can destroy the family, although the two ill – natured finding each other as Mr. and Mrs. Vinegar from the famous Soviet cartoon.
Also, you should learn a few rules:
— When fighting, keep in mind the positive qualities of a partner – after all, you have it for choose something and are afraid of losing? This will help not to cross the line, not turn the dispute in mutual insults.
— No need to get personal. Talk about yourself. Even if you are not satisfied with something in your intimate life, do not blame the partner. Outline the problem and find the solution. And we definitely should not put the blame on others and put them in the example.
— Resentfully silent in the style of "guess yourself" is also not an option. We are all different and the same situation can see at a different angle. If something does not suit, I must say immediately, but without accusations, especially if they do not have concrete evidence and are merely speculation, "you did so because I thought that's it." No one can read minds, they have to Express.
It's interesting:
The effect of "soul mates" or be equal to itself
Resentment — the scourge of all women
— Refrain from contempt for the partner. If you don't respect him – just go. Contempt is the end of any relationship, especially family.
Of course, love is a wonderful feeling. But family is something much more complex. Without love can not do, but often am the love that evaporates with the first difficulties. So don't hurry – give the mind the ability to cope with the overwhelm feelings before making such an important decision and to start a family.published
Author: Maria Kudryavtseva
Source: maria-kudryavtseva.ru/
From books, movies, lessons of history we know that several centuries ago, to create a family, required parental permission even for adults. Moreover, couples are often "govarivali" almost from birth, and consent to the marriage of the young did not ask.
Today we tend to think that it's a ridiculous relic of the dark ages, to create a family should be "love". But is love the only necessary Foundation for a long and happy relationship? Alas, the harsh statistics shows that is not always because such a high divorce rate has never happened before in the history of our country, and it is growing rapidly.
Today, 70% of young people who married for the first time, dissolve the relationship, without living together and 5 years. Re-marriages end, too, quite often. While married couples "love", but what went wrong? First of all, "love" for man and for woman, as they say, two big differences:
— Man believesthat the "loving wife" needs to respond to his sexual desire to be an understanding friend and an attribute of success – an indication of its position in society.
— A woman wantsto "loving husband" used to spoil her, trying to anticipate needs, admired and was totally focused on family.
They agree, perhaps, only one – the "second half" should arouse the envy of others that is a true balm for the ego. And yet, this is not sufficient for a happy life. Oddly enough, but psychologists often claim that a strong couple is the one where the couple is equally relevant to the question of spending the family budget and know how to clash!
Attitude to Finance
During courtship, everyone wants to make partner the best experience, but when it's the same "way of life", can change everything. And plays an important role and became a joint budget. Emotions that are engulfing the spouses during a discussion of the costs of purchasing are sometimes brighter than from sex.
In America, where all have been paying the cards and not cash, the researchers analyzed the accounts of couples and came to the conclusion that couples who spend equally, file for divorce.
That is, no matter miser or spender you are – if a partner adheres to the same way you handle money, you will be happy, as you will have an understanding on one of the most important issues in the family.
The usual way to interfere
Whatever we thought about the perfect couple — conflict everything. Just each of us puts his understanding of this term – for some it's striking scandal smashing crockery, and someone is always rumbling and complaining. As with finances, it is very important to interfere in the same manner – then you will understand each other.
It is possible to allocate two ways of doing the "right argument":
— If both partners are temperamental, often the disputes are reminiscent of the explosion, when everyone wants to throw out the sweeping emotions. Here, of course, you can say the wrong thing, but if the emotions on each side are the same, each understands that the partner feels the same that he will feel remorse for excessive fervor. Very often after an argument should be as bright reconciliation. Exactly, hence the saying "lovely curse – just gratifying.
If temperaments don't match, then either "explosive" partner will have to hold back, or "calm" try to loosen up and try a new way of expressing emotion. Generally there can not do without the help of a psychologist.
The second way to swear without compromising family also all know, it is called "cut each other". That is, each realizes that beloved is not altered and spend the emotions, as in the first embodiment, it is useless, and the constant grumbling-the reminder helps the partner not to forget about family responsibilities, so to speak, "keeps in shape".
Of course, there are extremes that do not follow the grumbling. Eternal dissatisfaction can destroy the family, although the two ill – natured finding each other as Mr. and Mrs. Vinegar from the famous Soviet cartoon.
Also, you should learn a few rules:
— When fighting, keep in mind the positive qualities of a partner – after all, you have it for choose something and are afraid of losing? This will help not to cross the line, not turn the dispute in mutual insults.
— No need to get personal. Talk about yourself. Even if you are not satisfied with something in your intimate life, do not blame the partner. Outline the problem and find the solution. And we definitely should not put the blame on others and put them in the example.
— Resentfully silent in the style of "guess yourself" is also not an option. We are all different and the same situation can see at a different angle. If something does not suit, I must say immediately, but without accusations, especially if they do not have concrete evidence and are merely speculation, "you did so because I thought that's it." No one can read minds, they have to Express.
It's interesting:
The effect of "soul mates" or be equal to itself
Resentment — the scourge of all women
— Refrain from contempt for the partner. If you don't respect him – just go. Contempt is the end of any relationship, especially family.
Of course, love is a wonderful feeling. But family is something much more complex. Without love can not do, but often am the love that evaporates with the first difficulties. So don't hurry – give the mind the ability to cope with the overwhelm feelings before making such an important decision and to start a family.published
Author: Maria Kudryavtseva
Source: maria-kudryavtseva.ru/