1. Glamorous Kiso.
If you think that blondes ride solely on deumatizah, kiapikantah shevrolesparkah and, you guessed it FIG. Glamorous Kiso could drive up to "nine" jeep "wide" or twenty BMW powers exclusively on the German mandatory. However, despite the variety of brands, all of these cars suffer the same failure: "Oh, she is there something bumknulo ...»
On the mechanics glamorous Kiso looks with suspicious disgust - some are, you know, not that ... not a ladies' magazine covers, in short. Blondes expect to see in the service station certainly nice macho, who, playing muscles priobnimet her waist and entertain simple emotional conversation (Oh! I! I! Will of fantastish!), While the machine itself is somehow fixed. In general, the work of the mechanics they judge seems to be on the German pornography. Disappointment from such unshaven mug with traces of oil on the face and dressed in a greasy kombez is very large. Special bummer comes from the fact that the attention of the faces draws not its make-up, and the suspension of her car. And so the question: "What exactly bumknulo? Where? When? At what speed? "- Blonde only inflates lips, giving engineers to understand yourself.
Machinery glamor puss pure fragrance, full of kawaii nyashechek and desecrate their dirty paws mechanics akin to blasphemy. However, under the hood is usually fear of the Lord - the oil left on the tip of the probe (oh, and it should be changed?), Hinges klatsat, gum cracked hoses, flow, wires sparked pads scrape iron on iron ... If even the Kitties realize that the machine that -That is not so, then it is usually already martyred death throes mechanism. Therefore, when the mechanics, bending his fingers on all available hands - their own and neighbors ', - make up blonde estimate for replacement of all, she, squeaking in terror, runs writing in the ladies' forum on the creepy dirty greedy hamah who dared to demand from it some vulgar money.
As a rule, the situation is allowed to visit the service kisoderzhatelya - the husband or boyfriend of another - which mechanics, facilitated sigh demonstrate to what drove the car it blond. If kisoderzhatel sane, it is resolved to everyone's satisfaction. If not - the process is repeated in the other services.
Expert visible at once - he is resolute and wise. He opens the door with a kick, disapproving looks around, curve, looking at the stamp tool, is skeptical about the depth of the well ... Then his gaze falls on the mechanics and lips are going to chicken tail - again Krivorukov drunks, no doubt! Expert once a child handed the keys, when his dad changed the ball joint in his pennies, and therefore considers himself an expert on auto repair. He certainly would have done it all himself - three times faster and better than the downs - but he's too busy for that. Money for brand dealership service he was sorry, so you have to condescend to these freaks. For some inexplicable reason, these characters are very fond of appeal "Commander».
- So, Commander! I've got the support tapping (knocking all the suspension he refers to as "pillars" - not knowing the names of other components) that will cost change? Only at a pace I have little time!
What would any mechanic said to him, Expert sure - try to dissolve it. His reason everyone always trying to breed, but he does not think about the causes of - and so everything is clear. After around clubhand incompetent monsters, and only he Dartanyan.
- How not to support? And then the reception? What-what? And a set of counters? And the evening? Hey, Captain, you've got no divorce - I know what's what and how much it!
If this is the first service, which addressed Expert, he proudly slams the door and left. Perhaps then he will come back - when the other services to be told the same thing, but more expensive. If this service is not the first, then it will begin to bargain, and perhaps condescendingly agree.
From automotive forums he firmly grasped that stand plaza - oak shit god - soft shit Bilstein - pathetic shit expensive, Delphi - Polish shit, and these guys put only Japanese kayabi language (any resemblance to real trademarks of accident). And he certainly knows the city's only spot where the racks are not fake, and at the right price. Expert leaving and returned an hour later with leftist Turkish dampers from another model. To convince him that this is the case, it costs a lot of nerves.
Expert loves to be present during the repair, peering into the hole and letting stupid advice. This allows him to speak with a clear conscience on the forum Krivorukov freak, that without his guidance and the wheel would not be removed.
Our service was a poster as follows:
Repairs in the presence of the client: 50% of the price list.
Repair tips client: + 100% of the price list.
Business does not understand a damn thing in the art and does not hide it. He would not waste time when - he had no time. He will throw a threshold of keys and a business card with the number of mobile phone: "So, guys! (He has all the "boys", even people half his age) Odd car began to accelerate sucks! Find out - call what to buy, I'll bring ".and disappears on his business affairs. For Business worst of all - to be suddenly Loh. Therefore, it should have all the cool, in their original packaging with the logo of the brand, even if the same logo are half the price. Business requires a detailed description of the problem, but had never listens, interrupting the question: "Che is? - Making! "If the problem is serious, time-consuming and a large amount of work, business usually says:" Podshamante, that was traveling, I selling it tomorrow ... »
In general, business - good client, not least because it does not write in the forums and reads them. However, if it seems that his "cultivated as Lohan" - wait for trouble. Any damage that occurred during the month after the repair - no matter whether it is connected with your work, - will be charged to your account, and business will come, "understand", and not one.
- 4. Tyuningator.
The average Tyuningator - pimply young man of 18, which the Pope gave the old "six". He really wants to love on the expansion of seats, but the girls for some reason not in a hurry to jump into his Rydvan. Tyuningator obsessed with the idea that the inherent imperfection of the vehicle can be masked so that the girls mix it up, "Shah" to "Bugatti" the latest model. Yellow mud flaps, brilliant Chinese mirror covers fur Cheburashka, ruldiametrom with muffler and muffler calibrated wheel it normally sets itself. However, the boys from stritreyserskogo now explain to him that it is not cool at all, and "farm." On the same forum, he learns the word "boost", "oxide" and "nulevik» ...
Tyuningator usually dumped on the service purely by chance - as a rule, he has a garage nearby. Broke in the midst of the work - so easily, in a neighbor - he starts to drill the brain.
- Hey, Ivanovitch. Is it possible to boost the Shah vkoryachit?
- Everything can be - honest answers mechanic, continuing to turn the nut - would be money.
- Hey, Ivanovich, I promised the boys here at deshmanu tur- from behi fit ... get up, do not you think?
- How to put ... - vaguely responds busy mechanic.
- Hey, Ivanovitch, and your children can do?
- My guys can all! - Proudly responsible mechanic.
- And that will cost?
Mechanical stops for a moment, makes a mental calculation and the amount of calls. Tyuningator, realizing that it is about twenty times more expensive than its Shah covers all blue lights and rolled the turmoil. He has no money, it was not and never will be.
Wait for a visit about a week later, with questions about the nitrous. But to change the grip and cross, killing them in amateur drag races, it will come to you exactly, but still lead a dozen of the same young "gonschegov».
Tyuningator harmless, lack of money, the basis for jokes and sometimes it can be to drive out for a beer.
The farmer - a patriot of the domestic auto industry, with honors even suspicious innovation "eight". Typical car Peasant - rusty, reeking of manure "deuce" with towbar and trunk during the entire roof. Advanced, or living far away from asphalt farmer drives a "Niva". Ball peasant himself changes, it changes the cross Vasya MTS bubble, and the oil it does not change ever, pouring tractor as intoxication. The service addresses farmer when the car finally got up. As a rule, it drags in tow another farmer. Presented to the diagnosis mechanism is a piece of caked black soil interspersed with rust and inspection requires a shovel. Suspension of hidden layers of clay, the motor - maslogryazevoy coat, interior - agricultural waste. Call the technical condition of the vehicle terrifying - much flatter him. The rational solution would be to specify the peasant way to the nearest landfill, but it does not suit. It is on this machine for thirty years in the area of potatoes drove, and I am sure that is able to do this for another thirty years: "You guys have it a little bit podshamante, and I do not stay in debt!". The machine is a peasant, as beloved horse - feeding poorly, makes work till you drop, but can not give up. Money peasant, oddly enough, enough and a new but natural stinginess makes saving even repair the old one. Replacement pads, hoses, rubber bands and other things, he honors the urban whim - as long as the machine is able to move without the involvement of a horse-drawn traction, it is considered intact. The farmer loves to elicit details of b / y (say, urban emissions, and we, probably, will go) and strives to pay bacon and moonshine.
- 6 Guest from the Caucasus.
Hot southern man repairing a car case, water - before the sale. Guest machine - the old "penny" or "six", but smart alloy wheels standing twice as much of everything else, tightly toned and killed to death. Starts Guest from the Caucasus to the fact that this car is trying to sell to you:
- Uh, daragoy, slyushay, good car, yes! Dead mandaryn drove father mandarynvozil I drove manadryn - buy you carry budesh! Inexpensive, slyushay, yes! - And the price of calls related to reality as the Caucasus mountains to the coast of Sochi.
Realizing that the mechanic did not lead, nimalone upset, and asks:
- Sell hachu, slyushay. Daraga, do so in order to look good, right? Matora smokes? And, you know - the oil-shmaslo, prisatka just is - pour that week is not smoked! What a hole in the body? Why welding why fender exchange? Close up-close, will Harashi!
Guest traded from the Caucasus brutally, and even the agreed amount of tries not to pay in full, finding fault, that: "The car really ne like new! How am I going to pradavat machine? ". But wine and chacha watered abundantly free, entertaining mechanics florid toasts.
7. Cunning Peasant.
Cunning Peasant - motorist old school. He repairs his car, mostly himself. And if it has brought to the service - it expects a trick. As a rule, the visit means that he tore the threads on the stud itself is not available, or stumbled upon a tightly rusted bolt or discovered during repair something as zamorochenno-consuming, with which he can not handle. And do you think he did tell the mechanic? Well, then it would not be cunning peasant, right? He is well aware that this garbage can not win without welding-grinders, drills, plus the complete dismantling of all around, and decides to dump hemorrhoids on someone else.
Cunning Peasant skillfully pretends kettle. He comes to the service with a unit, like, and it is the standard operation, such as replacing the silent blocks, and not in a hurry to be made aware that the cage nuts in the body is a cranked turns banal repair puzzling problem. It is this nut is also dirt pribrosaet to avoid traces of loosening. His main method - to negotiate the price to repair the car inspection.
- Well, guys, what you should rezinochki change?
If you do not recognize Sly peasant immediately and call the standard price - you get caught. What you spend on the job full-time, fighting with the damn nut, it does not bother - the price was named. A nut you are, I suppose, and turned themselves freaks Krivorukov! He also Bargain after the fact in this regard.
Very, very bad customer, this cunning Peasant. Fortunately, a one-time - the next time he goes to the bolt ripped off in another service.
Mate he did not glance under the hood - splayed fingers in the way. Explain what happened, for it is also a problem - limited vocabulary:
- Hey, bratello there I have something Tovo, well, Etowah ... Herne shorter some. I tudyt it and fuck it there. The type of look, as there is cho ...
Brother, oddly enough, respectful client - the word "differential", "injection controller" and "lambda probe" cause him respectful stupor. Talking with him should be polite and have patience, explain the failure in accessible terms:
- You see, brother, that this round iron garbage? It must be that way here this raskoryaku here cranking. And she - let's see - does not come here, and here bent. We need, in short, this change erundovinu figovinu to another, and, at the same time, once this Thing bribe to two times not to climb ...
In this case, mate fingers oppression, not cattle, but permeated asks just how much this is garbage and never traded. If the repair does not take much time, brother modestly squats and smokes, without looking into the pit, and without interfering with conversation. This amazing ability to squat for hours, silent and absolutely nothing to do with the complete lack of thought on his brow - Bratkovsky amazing talent, is not available to other categories of the population. After calculation, brother will certainly offer you cheap for a couple of stolen cars. Well, purely out of gratitude. Refuse must be very careful not to offend God forbid generosity.
9. Sovereign Man.
Sovereign man - a police officer, policeman, employee tax, employee procurators - in general, activist state. bodies in the low ranks. (High-ranking officials go on new foreign cars, and they do not need the service). It is imbued with a sense of self-worth and comes with the feeling that all of it should be.
Sovereign Man used to achieve all threats and blackmail, and change this behavior it is as difficult as a pig fly. Therefore, when it is torn by internal contradictions - on the one hand he really wants to command: "Stand up, facing the wall, turn pockets!" And on the other, he realizes that he will have time to go on a faulty machine on. The temptation to intimidate the very large - a little at a service in order everything paper and resolution - but the repair of a stick can get much sideways ... This cognitive dissonance is sometimes bizarre deviation of behavior - with unexpected transitions from overly affectionate, pleading intonation to authoritative roar with stamping feet. The result is unpredictable - sometimes it is possible to awaken in him the remnants of the human race, and Sovereign Man is grateful and loyal customer, excluding the service from your usual picture of the world, where everything it should. And sometimes ... In general, the most stubborn and stubborn risk of a pinch lapping corundum powder in the engine oil - believe me, the mechanic will find a way to subtly and humorously express their displeasure.
10. Steel Mme.
If Steel Madame was a man, then it would be the steel egg, though the bearing of their sticking. But, as she for some mistake of nature is not a man, that she only steel nerves and voice. When you look at it once you realize that the house her children recover command, the husband goes to systems with himself in the leg while at work have a special person to wipe the puddle of his subordinates in her office. No, that is, at heart, it can be white and fluffy, but with the mind - pure train was "fear and terror". The service Steel Madame behaves accordingly:
- Ta-a-ak, young people ... - her voice from the gate in front of the hangar covered with frost - do you take me for who? You write me here? (The tone is heard the clank of metal shears). For me, the blonde keep?
With surprise lurks through the replacement of oil, filters, candles, and other light prevention, not knowing what caused the hysteria.
- Why in the lead four liters of oil? Am I in your opinion, I do not know what my Spark displacement of one liter? Where are the other three liters?
Steel Madame unusual for a small customer service. She prefers the official offices, where you can call a manager to work with clients and had a good shout at him. At the same mechanics yelling useless - small contingent of specific services running.