Mouths of babes post

***
Showa 3 years. Check the hearing a doctor in the clinic. A doctor in a whisper:
- Sweet.
Seva, also in a whisper:
- I can not - allergic ...
***
Daughter of 5 years. It comes from the garden upset. The first lesson in reading. The child does not work.
- Fool, fool I am! - Almost crying, my child, standing in front of a mirror. Then suddenly subsides, I think ... and has already quietly say:
- But beautiful ...
***
The child is about 3 years, they go on the bus. Beside the grandfather starts a conversation with a child:
- And where are we going with my mother?
- To deduske.
- And what do you get there with my grandfather going to do?
- Vodka booze!
Dumb ... Loud laughter mother. I had to explain to everyone standing around, that they go only to the boat PAINTING grandfather.
***
Vovka in the garden is the militant girlfriend - Masha. Friendships with the nursery. This morning the wake of his son. Do not react. I pull together a blanket and gently tickle the heel. Vovk in his sleep with a smile:
- Well, Maaashaaa! ..
***
Son was 6 years old. Carefully look at nail polish educator.
- Olga, you have such long nails ...
- Yes. Like it?
- Like. Perhaps climb trees well.
***
Kostya (3 years and 10 months old) playing in the room, in the background is a TV. The film's protagonist confesses in love heroine. He says that, looking at her, he feels a strange feeling in the stomach ... Kostya, without turning around, commented:
- Yes, you have worms, my friend!
***
Ulyana 3 years. He sits with a toy stethoscope in the hands of:
- I catch fish!
- Ula, it's for the doctor!
- Okay, I'm a doctor. What's bothering you?
- Yes, that's a sore throat. You can help?
- I can not.
- Why ?!
- I catch fish ...
***
The kindergarten classes in drawing. The teacher comes to a girl who enthusiastically something malyuet:
- What are you drawing?
- God.
- But nobody knows what he looks like!
- Now find out!
***
We went to the village to stay with relatives. There's a cat's little kittens. My Alenka (4 years), of course, decided to take over the patronage of them, nursed them, carry with them everywhere. In the evening she runs into the house and shouts from the threshold concerned:
- Daddy, there's still a kitten face in jelly smeared himself! He is now a dirty walk? Husband, lazily:
- No, his mother lick. Alenka turns to me:
- Mom, vylizhesh ?!
***
The son of my friend sitting blindfolded. Parents give it into the hands of various items, and he guesses.
- Pencil.
- That's right.
- Ball.
- That's right.
- Machine.
- That's right.
Then dad shoved him into the hands of the sock, the son of a long thought, and then said:
- Sock.
A little reflection, sniffed and said:
- Papin.
***
Daughter, 2 years with a small saucer dropped. It broke. Girl upset, he is sitting and crying. Comes Dad:
- Daughter, why are you weeping?
- Byutse boom.
- Yes, how did it happen? - Pope asks sympathetically.
- Yes, that's it - docha takes another dish with all the dope and throws it on the floor. Saucer broken, of course.
***
Role playing. Masha somewhere around two years. Mama we - goat, Masha naturally - goat. The unsuspecting dad enters the room and hear the voice of the daughter of the team:
- Goat! Pour the juice!
You should have seen his eyes ...
*** Grandmother:
- Here, Genia, you have 3 years to pass. Ask mom and dad to buy you a brother or sister.
Eugene:
- Why spend the money? Mom, we still young, she can give birth.
***
It was in the Crimea, apparently, near some of the slope. On this slope and settled paragliders. Under the slope are two wonderful child, a girl and a boy, the same age (4-5 years). Craned his neck upward, looking like flying paragliders. And then a dialogue. Boy:
- Pilots !!!
Girl:
- And my mother said - morons ...
***
We had a one bedroom apartment adjacent rooms. One evening all went to sleep, the children in one room, we are different. I was almost asleep when suddenly I heard through my sleep docha (3 years) so loudly asked:
- Dad, Dad, have you ever slept with two women? Think my amazement. Nothing found the answer:
- No, - I say.
And she said, sighing deeply as:
- All right, go.
***
Come with a 9-year-old son, holding hands. Towards familiar:
- Such a big boy, and everything with her mother on the handle go.
Gregory, looking into my eyes, said loudly:
- Mom, her children are grown, so she is jealous, do not you worry, I'll still kiss and today.
***
Mom:
- Who's on the balcony broke the bank?
Lisa (4 years):
- It's probably your dad ... little hands, unclean.
***
At the matinee in the garden girls boast:
- See what my dress!
- See what my tights!
- And I, look, Boucicaut!
And later in the same spirit ... Sasha rushes boy (yet 5 years old) and enthusiastically says:
- Dresses, tights, Boucicaut ... Oo-oo-oo, woman! How I love you!
***
We run in the morning with his son in a school that is in a different district. Minor amuses me, sleepy, stories about local attractions:
- And here we have seen a rat Lyudochka. We threw a pebble in her direction, and the rat on us narugalas ...
- It's like?
- Well, that's it, "wee-wee"!
- What makes you think that she swore? Maybe she got acquainted with you?
Pause.
- Mom, you're always familiar with those who are throwing stones at you?
***
Girlfriend carries a 3-hletny my daughter in the morning in the garden. The child, of course, sleepy and fills up the road. Taxi driver:
- And who do we have here is a small, cute, and how we are called?
Sasha, without opening his eyes:
- Fuck off!
***
The question that threw the Pope into a stupor:
- Dad, you can chew on the table as a beaver?
***
Son (3, 5 years) crawl on the floor on a pillow.
- Why did you get dirty pillow?
- This is my seat, I ride a horse.
Angry, lift the pillow with a view to set up on the bed and out of it creeps tortured cat. It turns out, it was "horse."
***
One year ago ... Son sends SMSes, 3 row:
1 SMS-ka: Mom, you're the best mom in the world
2 SMS-ka: Mom, I love you
3 sms-ka: In the control received 2.
***
Son (3 years 9 months) considers candy gift:
- Candy flavored snake, bear tasteful, tasteful red hats ...
***
The eldest son of 6 years old, the youngest - 2 months. I am a small change clothes, and Slava looks at him and says:
- Oh, Mom, it's so full Belenky, like me! But imagine what would have happened if the Tema born with black skin and black hair?
- I do not know - I say.
- Kapets to you was my mother!
***
Early morning, completely tired of waiting for the awakening of parents Masha (3 years) loudly chanting:
- Ma-sha-ho odd ka-shu!
I must say that constantly are fighting for the absorption thereof. The remains of my mother's dream evaporate, and sees very nepedagogichno:
- Masha! Are you mad?
What rebyatёnok confidently retorts:
- Yes! Masha has gone mad! Ma-sha-ho odd ka-shu!
***
I have a friend, and we have a five year old son's friend. A friend learns Vecherka on MMP, children have nowhere to put too much regularly carries it with him - lad sitting there in the back row, draw, read, play quiet games. This was the preface. History: We're going here the other day, along with a friend, and Maltz in the bus. And at the Kirov drapery, in the window of which pieces of fabric laid out the letter «S». Malec, philosophically:
- Well, that's ... all naveshali integrals.
Some uncle 40 years:
- Where are the integrals? What are the integrals?
Malec shows:
- There's ... Well, the usual, uncertain.
- Why is uncertain?
The youngster is already tired of the stupidity Dyadechkin:
- Because the limits of integration are not indicated ...
***
I lay on the couch. Near daughter Oksana (4 years) with her mother are going to kindergarten. My daughter wants to say something:
- Dad ...
Mom thinking that refer to it:
- I'm not Dad, I - my mother.
Oksana, pointing at me:
- No, I'll call Dad ...
***
Roma (9 years) screaming out of the closet:
- Anyone who hears me, and be able to help! Toilet paper was over !!!
***
Daughter was three years - three and a half. Then I seriously thought that my child - a mistake of nature, because she played only cars. Comes as something for me to work. The little hands clamped another machine - collector models, much like the real one. My boss asked to see the machine, turning it in his hands, looking at all sides.
- What's your Bibika excellent! Wow, the door opened, and a reverse side. Castors, zhelezyachki ... Just like real!
The child, bulging glazёnki and almost contemptuous:
- No it's not Bibika! This Gas ... - calls some tsiferki - tires winter ... Hy, zhelezyachka ... it driveshaft!
Head otpaivali valerian.
***
Four-month Jr. unsuccessfully tries to crawl over the bed. Next on the belly flops three-year senior:
- Look, the worm is crawling true boas!
***
Young mother, a nurse by profession, often takes his little son (4-5 years) to work with him, and in order to comply with the internal rules of the hospital, sewed him a white robe and cap. The child, permeated rules regulations thereof, procured somewhere shoe covers and gloves. He put on them, tied a gauze bandage and went straight to the operating room. On a strict question: - And what is more? He responded with a sense of great pride and enduring advantages:
- I - microsurgery.

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