Like Friday already? Immediately warn you - a lot of letters.
Part One. Road.
Five cars clogged the students, male and female, slowly drove along a suburban highway, taking all three bands - board to board. Alternately, the machines have appeared on adjacent rows, windows that open, and from the salon to salon passed cognac sausage ingredients to maintain the morale of those present in the car natives.
Unhappy be behind the wheel, swallowed snot enviously watching the start of the holiday - they could not drink, why they were angry and no one was allowed to overtake them. Celebrate went to the bosom of nature - the dacha outside Moscow owned by the parents of one of the teenagers.
Located thirty kilometers from the capital and surrounded on three sides by forest, cottage had a total area of half a hectare, three houses, an outdoor swimming pool, two barns, garage, bath and crib. Dad, living in the country permanently, advance melted bathhouse, in one of the houses knocked a bunch of quilts for those who did not survive the difficulties of celebration and spent a lot of other preparations.
The only thing he was not able to do is to clear the snow drifts on the road from the highway to the garden. Throwing the car on the road can not - who knows what will happen to them in three or four days of the New Year festivities, so quickly had a plan: to get to the nearest collective farm, and there find the tractor. Post a host on the bottle and ask dragged dragged to testify.
Soon tractor standing next to us and we started with enthusiasm to tie knots from machine to machine by connecting them with ropes.
Q-o-ho-oh! Touched! Rudder twist useless to press on the brakes even more, the car crawling on the belly on snow dunes with unprecedented for the Japanese and German sedans grace and majesty.
Tractor like any normal Russian man, the new year began to prepare in advance, for up to a week of this. When the GOP-company students in Moscow, he was just finishing the first race to the happy oblivion and halved three-liter jar of moonshine fusel blue. Students that did not bother - on the legs is okay, even hiccups and squints his eyes strangely, pushed him into the tractor and rolled together to machines. Peasant ten times told where and when to make turns, how fast to go and that he will, if he is in any of the guidelines violated. Mysterious Russian soul ...
Tractor driver, while riding with the provisions of his speed and we taschivshiesya him with exactly the same, suddenly added gas and the car started to roll over on the snowdrifts with redoubled zeal - underneath something crackling, sometimes sounded terrible every motorist thud - well, think - snag caught in snowdrifts.
And the beauty of some kind around! Tall pines shake spiny legs clad in snow-white gloves and snow cause the heart to contract spasmodically in the expectation that such a "mitten", weighing a hundred kilograms may fall off the roof; yellow as a Chinaman, the sun of the exhaust powerful diesel tractor, forcing screw up his eyes and frantically breathe this, so enjoyable to everyone living in the metropolis, burning.
Increasing the speed of the caravan did not go unnoticed: very nervous especially those who were in front - directly behind the tractor. They battered the biggest bumps, they smoothed the following bottoms of their cars.
That's the twist! We have the right - in front of the collective field. I said right! Where Popper bitch !?
Waddle on the field. In the second or third car, on the move opens the door and someone jumps in untouched snow, rises and creepy-toed, like a panda with a hangover, trying to catch up with a tractor. Where there. Tractor going well, twenty kilometers per hour. Only skiing and catch up. Dude quickly realizes the futility of their hopes and tries to sit in one of the past stretching machines. Fuck u! It is better to Batey of my run, but with him here at a trot. And let the gun do not forget!
Just beyond the field, five hundred meters ravine, and there the river. In her local pig farm, pig shit resets. That river does not freeze, and at any time of the year. Unpleasant course, but where we did not disappear - we force grain you - to see a locomotive? He is that and more if the river is not terrible. Another hundred meters through the Moscow Canal - it ships go by. This is the ice. What to do something?
ABOUT! We are here already passed? Tochnyak! Won our vodka lying - we are on the last lap it threw. Tractor us in a circle rolls. Collective farmer slept probably so tired poor.
So, you and you - stand on the right side, he and I - on the left. Once past the go - a breakthrough for the bandwagon and grab onto the roof to climb. And there we have cleared his brain!
Hrenak! It pulled so that the arm from the shoulder seemed rushed. Feet are dragged through the snow, and his hands let go to hell, just under the wheel get. Another jerk!
Here he is a native.
- Come on, get up rustic schmuck!
- A! Cho? Who are you?
- Member of the coat! Wheels come, and now in the river topple in!
- To steer something?
- Fac. Come to the right, then straight. Yes neater ...
Part two. Preparatory.
- Listen to the PA, and you have another ax? Cho then broken.
- So I'll give for two!
- So for broken na ... They are probably due to poor wood was rotten ... Because.
- It's out of your hands rotten wood ...
- Pa you see how much we pinned firewood!
- At night, you probably will be enough, and then will have to freeze.
- Pa chainsaw you give us - we are all sawed quickly!
- Yeah, you give. You or broken chainsaw or saw off what is not.
- Yes, no steps. We won Sasha knows how to cut.
- Make let - Dad was standing next to Shurik. Between them lay a saw.
- Mmm, that ... What?
- During the youth gone !? You know how to type?
- Well, yes I can, - Alexander uncertainly - only here in the country Japan, there is a button Zhmak and all.
- All of you understand ... So. This damn - starter called here insert, then abruptly pull, simultaneously press the lever. This throttle. Once I Saw zatarahtit, gas pilish released and that those should be. Got it?
- I Got it - not a fool - mutters to himself, "damn the press here, the pull ...»
- Uh, do you imagine so the first thing to saw off his leg. You otodvinu her away and the new.
- Pa, this, but ... not working cho saw something. You still do not have one?
- Yeah. Saw too broken?
- Yes, not only broke the chain ... You have a chain?
- I wonder - and ones you freaks?
- Pa - with you ... and perhaps we are on the circular saw firewood drank? She works for you?
- While it is working, but you will not let her. Welding machines drank do not want? I recommend - very convenient.
- Pa are okay ... I saw those new buy - Japanese, battery.
- Hold the chain. Change itself?
- And then! Well I'm a programmer! You just give instructions.
- Pa, let the rope.
- Yes Andryukha fell into the well.
- Well ... You have a bucket in the well was not ...
- It was ... in the morning the water was gaining.
- Pa, what type, it was at first, and then was gone.
- Tear off the what-if?
- Do not pas - it itself fell. Well Andryukha reached ...
- Ibid fifteen meters!
- Yeah, a high. We tied a rope him, he climbed.
- And what? Let the same Makarov rises.
- Pa, the cable broke, too ... we have it, and a couple of bottles of vodka to have thrown for sugrevu. Worry ... that it was quiet there.
- Pa, where Sasha fell into the hole ...
- In what pro ... in a pond or something?
- Nope ... at the pool.
- And where there is the hole?
- So he did.
- What !? There are twenty centimeters of ice.
- First, an ax. After drowned - a chainsaw.
- Chainsaws also drowned?
- Not yet ... holding in his hands. I do not know how to drown. We therefore can not pull out.
- With and holds? Freddy Krueger fucking. Let keeps gasoline is not finished.
- Pa, he slowly moves to the side. How would he do not sawed off the board.
- That has managed to contact you ...
- Pa, you have a clogged stove, it is necessary to clean the tube
- Where did you get?
- Yes, we're trying to fire a second time in her breed, already doused her with gasoline - does not burn infection - a pipe clogged. Pa, and than the pipe clean?
- EPT! A stick of dynamite, you tried to shove? And I can give. Will definitely.
- Pa, well, you're this, you tell us how to rekindle, and we too with all our efforts.
- Come on already, the pioneers.
- Pa, you're there something about bomb dynamite say? Do you have? Give a couple as well?
- You what?
- The fish will go tomorrow morning to catch. On the channel.
- On January !?
- Well yes. They say helps a hangover to sit with a fishing rod.
- So then with a fishing rod. Dynamite will not give! Fishing rods are in the barn.
- Pa ... well, at least a couple of drafts. We also need to make a hole.
- Make a chainsaw. Vaughn Shura already experienced a little pool I do not sawed. Dynamite will not give. I'm afraid I then have to restore the dam.
- Pa, there's some guy screaming, calling you.
- Yeah, where he is?
- Well, this one is out in the snow.
- What's in a snowdrift?
- Yes, much shouting, that is.
- What was yelling something?
- Yes, we are, when parked, fence pokorezhili him a little, and then a tractor on his plot unfolds. So he shouted to him ... So we leaned against the fence in place.
- I feel I am good this new year does not end.
- Yes lana those Bat. All the beam will be.
Part Three. Solemn.
The table was piled so that there was nowhere to put appliances. Salads and herring under a fur coat. Champagne and vodka. Cognac and whiskey. Tangerines and bananas. A complete set!
- On this memorable night ... the end of one era and the beginning of the new millennium ... I want to wish all of us to be forgiving of others. Being loved and endeared ...
The smallness of the swaying, Dad was in a sheepskin coat, fur hat and boots in the doorway of the house and pushed the toast. Already twenty minutes.
- Pa, what about the dynamite?
- No, I said!
- Pa, you're there about tolerance, something hovering ... then we will go on a sled ride.
- Yeah ... sleigh find in the attic.
- You just give the keys to the snowmobile ...
- Well you like sledging? You ride, and I'll go I'll go to a neighbor.
- Just do not drink a lot. Pa, we have advanced youth. Trailer sled to snowmobile, and we will ride.
- Management drunk tr ... Trace ... trnspr ... NDA ... really ... they take on the mantel. Do not Ditch.
A couple of hours later, the whole company was again complete. His father stood in the doorway of the house with a glass full of vodka, poured purple eye hefty check.
- Pa. Sorry. Snowmobile drowned. Dad !!! What happened to your face? Who hurt you? We are conductive to undermine the lads, all set!
- Nonsense ... never mind. Asphalt disease.
- Pa ... where you found the asphalt in the forest? Before him, a couple of kilometers to stomp. Quickly tell me who hurt you?
- Leave me alone! - He could barely stand on his feet, his eyes were closed and it was evident that the man was very tired - Well, squabbled a little ... what booze without a fight?
- Well lana na ... ... you probably did not hear. We snowmobile sank.
- How!? All alive?
- Katya had to swim ... but we quickly caught her and warmed. There she lies nikakuschaya. But snowmobile skiff. Maybe we'll get in the summer?
- That's because ... it is a pity. It was a good machine.
- Bach ... I'll buy new ones. Japanese.
- On the batteries?
- Go to sleep na. You want - will be on the battery.
Shura swaying in the gusts of breeze in unison pines. Eyes closed - complete alcoholic nirvana.
- And come out of him to sculpt a snowman? - Andryukha by twice the weight was in the best condition.
- It's like?
- Look and help.
Andrew began to roll the snowball. Five minutes later near the swaying Shurik stood a meter diameter snowball.
- Now, poking a hole under his feet and put him inside. Top skewer another. On his head still. I saw in the house the mask, drag.
Another fifteen minutes later Shura was packed in a gas mask, earflaps and plastered on all sides by snow. In place of a nose-carrot sticking trimmed corrugated mask, holding fixed a couple dozen firecrackers on his head was packing volley salute "Smerch" in the manner of a crown.
- What is your women have Bouguereau? Not beautiful - returned to life after the winter winter swimming Katya crept out of the house and instantly assessed the statue, tried to remove the unevenness of the middle of the snowman. - Oh! Dumps. Do not understand ... is that?
She pointed to the tuberosity packed in sweat pants and sticking right in the groin Shurika - snowman.
- Gee. Erotic dream dreams maybe. That's got.
- How!? In the women? You who have pushed back?
- Do not worry ... everything is theirs. But the dream it is necessary to break off. And that woman turns wrong. Invented! Come dance to drive, perhaps shall fade! Call all here!
Round dance led by the only all familiar "The Forest Raised a Christmas Tree" long and hard. Zapletal feet and hands, dance and fall turned into a snake, but the lumpiness in the groin snowman not fall off, and only grew stronger under the heart-rending cries about the rabbit.
Pasha with Zippy ready, set fire to the fuse on the "Twister" and the ears of firecrackers in the hands of women.
The first salvo showered snowy caps and pines woke crow. The second volley was significantly greater tuberosity and on Baba opal. From the third volley snowman trembled and began waving his arms. Fourth and fifth rocked simultaneously. Through the smoke and sparks dance on the monster jumped into scorched fur hat and wild eyes shine through the glass mask. Nobody except me and Andrew was not ready to face a running snow Baba.
Paul kept his head, jumped to ozhivshemu snow monster and struck the back of the newly chosen drin. Shura ass broken in the period of melting icicle. The girls finally stopped screaming and looked out of the pines.
- Shura wake up! - Andryukha bothered the plastered with snow friend. In response to the whole body twitching and fumbling hands trying to pull off the mask.
- Did you tell him to come corrugation ... shoot mask until suffocated.
- Shura ... sorry! - When Andryukha saw madly glass eyes, blue-white lips and bald spots on the site chic shag his eyes rolled tears. - Bratuha ... come with me ... drink.
They retired to the house. Shura at each step of strange bouncing in place and hiccupped in the whole district.
- Because who else will sculpt a snowman? - Broke the silence Paul playfully throwing drin from one hand to another.
- ... I walk over to the pool, and then the girls swimming, one more beautiful than the other. And all naked! And then I - the king! The trunks. My childhood dream is this - naked women around and I - in swimming trunks.
- A set you have to overcome bratuha ... - Andrew put his arm around the shoulder of Shurik.
He winced perceptibly hiccupped again and the whole organism. He stroked the cover of "Pidorka" bald spots left "tornado" and continued:
- They begin to smear themselves with aromatic oils in the most secret place fingers climb. I walk up closer ... and something strange happens: the sun beats down on the street, naked girls walking, swimming in the pool, and I was colder and colder it becomes. I lay down on a chaise longue, comes up to me alone. Hand starts stroking. Other next to squat on his chest, and pours oil bubble begins to smear. Third - neck and shoulder massages. Fourth - the melting of my shoots. And there is a riser, and they do not want to get off! I'm trying to help, trembling already, but my hands to let the girls do not want to laugh .... Suddenly, as the top bahnet! But the girls are holding tight. Top again! And further! And hot! I pull out the hand .... Top bang continues. And breathing hard. I do not remember what happened. I woke up in the snow. Such is the dream ...
Andryukha smeared snot mixed with tears on the face and gnashed his teeth.
- Eh ... a dream kayfovo broken off. But who knew! Nothing ... I Bratushka they bring such a herb, better catch glitches.
At the table creates a unimaginable bedlam. Bottles and plates littered with gnawed chicken mixed feet. Half-empty packs of juice and a flask plastic cola caked with salad and orange peel. Crowned defeat on all sides bitten cake. I wonder what this idiot had the idea to buy a cake to celebrate New Year?
All. Time to sleep. Tomorrow will continue.
Part Four. Hungover.
A thin trickle of sweat finished in the navel, and there is going to a small lake. Poor when seasickness starts from looking at its own navel. In order not to provoke a shock dose of alcohol affected the mind umbilical waves, I poured a sharp movement of the body in the lake floor. In my head just to give all that drank in the last day.
The best way to cure a hangover in the Russian bath. The temperature of a hundred - is for extreme, but I have another goal: to catch his breath smelling of pine and cherry, to expel all the undigested alcohol and become human again. Generously poured on the stones a couple of buckets of water, reduce the temperature to a comfortable sixty, in a tub of hot water steams real birch broom and philosophical thoughts flowed, the young about the dangers of alcohol and the use of afternoon sex.
ABOUT! Interlocutor! On the shelves climbed bask mouse-vole. You and me is not enough for a full spiritual harmony. I grabbed it by the tail, pulled off the stove aluminum bowl, placed side by side and threw him mouse. To avoid seblas while I broadcast.
- I mean, gray ... the whole thing in a couple - a mouse run fast enough on the container and squeal. I stared at the starry sky in a small window, and the pair went on to say - the humidity of steam and its rich aroma depends benefit or harm that people get in the bath. Fu!