Mezhtemporalny Jackpot

Morning broke through the dirty window panes, tickled his nose, covered with slight nausea and dizziness. Barely tear from leaky blankets. I caught a glimpse of her legs, hairy, disgusting in their thinness. He opened the refrigerator door. Inside expected smelled shit. Grimaced, but continued contemplation of "Still Life": moldy crust of cheese, some cans and bottles (more medical than edible), wrapper, pieces of shells, opened three hundred years ago cans. All this rubbish mountain shot in the nose smelly lines: "It is time to gather food pt. Good luck vskl. ZN. »
Boil the kettle, the benefit of electricity is not cut off. Peel the boiled water, wincing at the faint smell of celluloid. Still wanted to eat. He rummaged through his pockets - predictably empty. Assembled from the floor with a dozen empty vessel, he turned them on the flank. Affectionately. Carefully, as infants in the hospital. Spolzshey merged with the wall drops into the glass. It turned out okay, to a small sip. Shelf. It does not feel better. Hersnim! Or with me? Winkle, was a charred corpse of the former ashtray cigarette stuck in chapped lips, he grimaced in anticipation of the first bitter-sour tightening. Suddenly, behind - the unexpected:
 - Ahem ...
Doors locked like. Or not locked? Yes exactly locked, bolted! Who could it be? Turn around? Maybe the cops? Location? From vents ...?! To give, goats! Swore, shook his brush: match almost burned his fingers. Shit-aah! That hurts!
 - Olive butter ought to anoint, sir, - the voice came from the glossy type in Thrace. Mr. "ahem" half sitting on the edge of the sill, lightly shaking his black and white lacquer shoe.
Face narrow, long. Eyes clear. Antennae. Oborzhatsya: mustache! And Haier, sleek some rubbish. And gloves. White! Af-figet!
 - Hello, asshole - New Year! - He forced a bad hiding a surprise: Heras, like this happen, and I'm here to visit the "squirrel", and in a perverted form. Well, there are devils, cockroaches ... - I understand - but it ... dude. Yeah, dude!
- What do you want, dude?
The stranger suddenly zablazhil nasal tenor:
 - Dear Sir, dear Peter Ye, let me congratulate you with the breakdown of the annual jackpot lottery mezhtemporalnoy "SUUU-duper uper - CHANCE TO THREE THOUSAND NINE"! Smile. Broadcast is on all time levels up to and including the thirty-eighth century! Here it is, ladies and gentlemen, here it is in front of you - O-ohh, Lucky! - Dude rolled his eyes and shook his finely-finely cucurbites head. Arms out to the sides, the owner of his coat, seemed to enjoy the invisible applause.
 - All?
 - Well, almost, Mr. Shchukin. Ofitsialnyya preamble, so to speak, met!
 - Well, if met, then blow otsedova! While I was kind ... Galyunik crappy! I did not buy any of your super-duper-lotteries!

And without that horse's face suddenly pulled a visitor even more, making the guest looked like a cross between a Fernandel Bucephalus. Gentleman in evening dress covered sleek fingers carnation on his lapel and a strangled hiss:
 - Excuse me, sir! We live broadcast! ... Please! Not frappiruyte audience! - Poor moaned softly wildly rotating eyeballs, thereby offering as if imbued with the significance of what is happening all over:
 - It's a lottery, sir! Intertemporal! This success, such luck! One - no joke thing - ten billion! Lord of the relative ages of the future, we can say, to dream of such luck! And you ... Oh, you ... ashamed, Mr. Shchukin. Soak! Soak, I beg! Rock! The fate is on your side. Consider that the entire world is now in your pocket!
 - Where? In the pocket? I did not buy any lottery! Wali - on out of my apartment! We got ... a bitch ...
Guest theatrically clutched his head in his hands and yelled right in the lapel carnation:
 - Stop! Not working yet .... Let ad! Advertising, I said!

Mr. dramatically jumped from the window sill. Evil spat on the floor, then went suddenly flustered and red spots. From former impressively stranger was gone.
 - Durilo! I told you that vaguely explain goat face ?! What is the difference in the ass, you bought a lottery or buy? Time is relative: if you want, so flow, wanna - commercials! It's like you for a beer, in the best years: back and forth, back and forth! The visitor bent elbow and demonstrated the passage of time. - We, the people of the future, sharoёbimsya on it wherever you want! Technologies! Usёk?
 - Available to expound. For beer flew?
 - Yes, if only for a beer and it does not matter! And it is important that you, Peter, was lucky. When you're out there in the future, this lucky ticket bought, and where I - to be honest - do not care! The fact that he had bought. And the fact that - won. You see, durian your noggin, you-ur-Ral! Now - you can be anything you want, any time! It got? Moreover, the jackpot - a hundred years of a full life, without colds and the like gonorrhea!
 - And what zavskladom on likerke can be ...?
 - Here you go! Take heed, Petro! Yes there zavskladom! Can Caesar, or not know, but at least to live ... Casanova. A? How do you perspektivka? Spirit does not capture? Hitler wanted to be? I can arrange ... Our holding all of the temporal powers! Well, how ?! Five hundred years of Hitler! Count as you entire planet cancer nagnesh!
 - Hitler be zapadlo. In general, the Germans did not want to. They are boring. And greedy. Every pfenezhku believe. Nah ... do not go.
 - A King? Louis XIV? Favorite, balls, Baroque! And?
 - King? Well, I do not know ... I'm just fine. Beer would be ...
 - Oh, come and beer and vodka, and nectar from amvroziey! I need to show to show! And you're here hymen of themselves build. I agree, or I transtemporiruyus!

 - Then I agree. I ... I want to be the mistress of the seas! All. Ambets. Do it!
-By whom? - Chin dude fell right on hlyschevatuyu butterfly.
 - Epta! You interpret native speech: I want to be the mistress of the seas! And to you personally, I was running errands! Goni win kazol!
-So ... So-so-so-so-so-soooo! Are you serious, Peter?
 - Really does not happen.
 - Well, well ... Paul, we, of course, you will be able to change. No question ... Peter. From here catch the mistress turns. Maybe Cleopatra? Angelina Jolie? Marquise de Pompadour, at worst? - Moaned pleadingly showman.

Dude bustle, to solve some aspects of their communication clove. Well, this is a real gallyutsinoten. I'm puzzled by it. And fuck indulge once caught delirium tremens in such extreme, it is necessary to lohmatit it in full! Pushkin - the curriculum - should help. It is appropriate to recall tale ... Hmmm. Now, now suffer, and you can get out for a beer.

Finally - after the horse in evening dress something decided.
 - So what? Dear tempozriteli! And again before your supportive views - winner of the jackpot lottery annual mezhtemporalnoy "SUUU-duper uper - CHANCE TO THREE THOUSAND NINE encore"! Peter Ye SchUuuu Kin !!! Who wished stat- WARNING - Mistress of the Sea !!! Applause! We remind you that mezhtemporalny holding "Super-duper lottery three thousand and nine bis" performs any, ANY, the desire to win the lucky plus Jack -Because - five hundred years of healthy and fulfilling life in the bargain !!!
At this point a man - a hallucination snatched from the entrails of his coat something like a pen and
... The light faded.


Three hundred years later.

Morning in the Galapagos pink, serene. The hiss of white sand under the rifts turquoise waves does not violate the universal harmony prevailing on the islands. Lean guide in shabby tailcoat usual route leads straight to the little group of tourists coastline:
 - And now, ladies and gentlemen, your attention! - Exhaust guide horse face turns toward the tide - now it will, ladies and gentlemen!
Another moment and tired crawls ashore huge carcass of a turtle. Watery eyes sea monster olives carefully look around the curious little group.
 - Well, blasphemy stand? Beer brought? - Suddenly heard from the womb of tortoise shell.
The crowd begins to whisper excitedly.
 - Peter, you've been repeating for three hundred years, not Hami visitors: beer in the twenty-fourth century - the drink is not cheap! - Theatrical laments the old man - a guide.
 - Excuse me ... - frowns turtle and repentance rowing flippers on sand.
Tourists pose reverently speaking monster chipped bought a bottle of ancient beverage. Turtle deftly plucks plug sharp beak and begins to gulp, squinting pleasure.
 - You see, ladies and gentlemen, first and only lucky winner of the jackpot mezhtemporalnoy superfood lottery three thousand and nine bis, mistress of the sea, the legendary Peter Ye SchU Kin !!! - Rattling falsetto old man.

Tourists clap listlessly. Turtle comes off the container with beer and pretends bows.

 - Oh, Peter, Peter ... - mutters guide - offered you - Hitler ... no, blah, we wanted to be original!

Turtle rather grunts, it turns to tour ass and floats away with truly the royal grandeur.

Kakaschenko ©



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