499
Male manifesto Jeremy Clarkson
Throughout history, man was first a child and then an adult. It grew from the "lived with granny ... 'to Brahms in an instant. But then - at the dawn of the sixties - in dictionaries flashed the word "teenager", saw the light and a whole new look. Kind, who had money, but who do not have to worry about credit, feed the children or pay the bills.
Making the word "teenager" opened, perhaps the greatest market niche from the time of Christ's resurrection.
For now - between lullabies and Brahms - opened up a gaping seven-year void that can be filled by every boogie-woogie, and along with the burger Cola da pair of Levi's.
The problem is that today, explored all possible ways to exploit teenage naivete. So some clever dandy in thin designer glasses and turtleneck decided it was time to create a new kind of client: a new breed that needs to feed a whole new line of products, the existence of which its representatives never knew. So he came up with a concept called "men».
Until recently, it was to be a man is very simple. Eat. Sleep. Multiply. The only real snag was the need to remember which of the days you have to cook sweet cake with cream, and some - to come home in a fur coat from a bearskin and do the rough work at home. And certainly I never had to worry about the inscriptions on the elastic band of cowards.
But not now. Moreover, waiting for you from rubbing dirt in the hair, nail polish, buying things that make teeth shiny and white, as well as trips to the gym to keep in shape. And long gone are the glory days when watches were purchased in order to know the time.
Open any glossy magazine - and stare at you guys with stone jaws, advertising watch during some heroic outdoor activities. Put Breitling - and you're no longer Garrett Syrnikov of accounting. You - Clint Maul, and on weekends you rassekash on his Confederate Hellcat between the pylons in the Nevada desert. Put IWC, and you - deep-sea divers. Put Omega, and you - George Clooney.
Come to the film premieres today - and what a stupid sheep with a microphone be sure to ask: "Who are you wearing?". I do not wear one, you fool. For me things that were lying on the floor near the bed.
Now, however, this is not enough. A man has to be refined, I must know how many buttons should be on the cuffs of his jacket - and God forbid him to wear a shirt with a breast pocket.
Worse. Recently, on the British Airways flight, I looked in the magazine of goods duty free, the pages of which the editor in his column has informed me that in connection with the coming of spring, I have to treat yourself to a new fragrance. And the choice was very wide.
As it turned out, at work I have to wear «Acqua di Parma», which allows me to smell the "cleanliness, freshness and professionalism." What?! How can you smell the professionalism? This concept is not one of those that possess any known odor. It's like the smell of modesty, indifference or sadness.
Then there «Eternity for Men», which is "ideal" for tough guys, because the smell of the sea. What sea? Mediterranean? Caspian? Or a tiny swamp not far from my home country? There is also sea hvataet- at least seasick covers per kilometer.
Perhaps we no longer fit "212 VIP Men» - with warm, sweet and sexy notes of vanilla, sandalwood and tonka bean. What kind of tonka bean? Well, I'm not too lazy to dig up information - and all very sad. They are forbidden by the American administration of food and medicines, they cause liver damage in rodents, they are used in occult rituals, their components interfere with blood clotting, and still they are used to flavor tobacco.
Still want to use scent to, to impress the girls at the club? Flag of your hands.
Only without me. And in general - spare me from all this nonsense. According to the magazine, British Airways, I have to apply layers of flavors - first shower gel, then a deodorant, aftershave balm and eau de toilette. I do not have time for this. And I do not need the reminder instruction on the differences between cologne and toilet water, because I do not want to smell like a German or a bog. I want to smell what I ate and what I did. I - man and spirits - for women.
Shopping - also for women, and this seems to be our friend in thin glasses forgotten. Of course, I understand that some men enjoy in your free time to roam around the city, making a ridiculous haircut and buying clothes. These people are called players and restaurant critic. They have a scrotum, but they - not men.
This guy a long time and seriously wonder if he will be offered to choose between selling their children for organs and going to the booth fitting pants. To measure pants, no doubt - this is the worst thing that can happen in the life of man. This water torture, hike to the dentist and cancer in one bottle.
Take a look at the man in the supermarket. He looks like a blurred spot on the high-speed rewind activity: buy what you need at the moment, and then flushed out to the devil. Stock up at the supermarket for a man - is how to remove the patch: the sooner, the better.
How many men have you seen in the market town "Bicester" in Oxfordshire? No one. This place - a paradise on earth for women, but for me - is one of the circles of hell: a whole street of things that do not fit.
Therefore, advertisers can arbitrarily try to force men to spend time and money on sandalwood, mousses, cloth and bags. In truth, the better they will do, brainwashing dogs. Peasants in the stores need only noise-canceling headphones. And they have been there. So fuck off.
(Article taken from here: Speakers Jeremy Clarkson)
Source:
Making the word "teenager" opened, perhaps the greatest market niche from the time of Christ's resurrection.
For now - between lullabies and Brahms - opened up a gaping seven-year void that can be filled by every boogie-woogie, and along with the burger Cola da pair of Levi's.
The problem is that today, explored all possible ways to exploit teenage naivete. So some clever dandy in thin designer glasses and turtleneck decided it was time to create a new kind of client: a new breed that needs to feed a whole new line of products, the existence of which its representatives never knew. So he came up with a concept called "men».
Until recently, it was to be a man is very simple. Eat. Sleep. Multiply. The only real snag was the need to remember which of the days you have to cook sweet cake with cream, and some - to come home in a fur coat from a bearskin and do the rough work at home. And certainly I never had to worry about the inscriptions on the elastic band of cowards.
But not now. Moreover, waiting for you from rubbing dirt in the hair, nail polish, buying things that make teeth shiny and white, as well as trips to the gym to keep in shape. And long gone are the glory days when watches were purchased in order to know the time.
Open any glossy magazine - and stare at you guys with stone jaws, advertising watch during some heroic outdoor activities. Put Breitling - and you're no longer Garrett Syrnikov of accounting. You - Clint Maul, and on weekends you rassekash on his Confederate Hellcat between the pylons in the Nevada desert. Put IWC, and you - deep-sea divers. Put Omega, and you - George Clooney.
Come to the film premieres today - and what a stupid sheep with a microphone be sure to ask: "Who are you wearing?". I do not wear one, you fool. For me things that were lying on the floor near the bed.
Now, however, this is not enough. A man has to be refined, I must know how many buttons should be on the cuffs of his jacket - and God forbid him to wear a shirt with a breast pocket.
Worse. Recently, on the British Airways flight, I looked in the magazine of goods duty free, the pages of which the editor in his column has informed me that in connection with the coming of spring, I have to treat yourself to a new fragrance. And the choice was very wide.
As it turned out, at work I have to wear «Acqua di Parma», which allows me to smell the "cleanliness, freshness and professionalism." What?! How can you smell the professionalism? This concept is not one of those that possess any known odor. It's like the smell of modesty, indifference or sadness.
Then there «Eternity for Men», which is "ideal" for tough guys, because the smell of the sea. What sea? Mediterranean? Caspian? Or a tiny swamp not far from my home country? There is also sea hvataet- at least seasick covers per kilometer.
Perhaps we no longer fit "212 VIP Men» - with warm, sweet and sexy notes of vanilla, sandalwood and tonka bean. What kind of tonka bean? Well, I'm not too lazy to dig up information - and all very sad. They are forbidden by the American administration of food and medicines, they cause liver damage in rodents, they are used in occult rituals, their components interfere with blood clotting, and still they are used to flavor tobacco.
Still want to use scent to, to impress the girls at the club? Flag of your hands.
Only without me. And in general - spare me from all this nonsense. According to the magazine, British Airways, I have to apply layers of flavors - first shower gel, then a deodorant, aftershave balm and eau de toilette. I do not have time for this. And I do not need the reminder instruction on the differences between cologne and toilet water, because I do not want to smell like a German or a bog. I want to smell what I ate and what I did. I - man and spirits - for women.
Shopping - also for women, and this seems to be our friend in thin glasses forgotten. Of course, I understand that some men enjoy in your free time to roam around the city, making a ridiculous haircut and buying clothes. These people are called players and restaurant critic. They have a scrotum, but they - not men.
This guy a long time and seriously wonder if he will be offered to choose between selling their children for organs and going to the booth fitting pants. To measure pants, no doubt - this is the worst thing that can happen in the life of man. This water torture, hike to the dentist and cancer in one bottle.
Take a look at the man in the supermarket. He looks like a blurred spot on the high-speed rewind activity: buy what you need at the moment, and then flushed out to the devil. Stock up at the supermarket for a man - is how to remove the patch: the sooner, the better.
How many men have you seen in the market town "Bicester" in Oxfordshire? No one. This place - a paradise on earth for women, but for me - is one of the circles of hell: a whole street of things that do not fit.
Therefore, advertisers can arbitrarily try to force men to spend time and money on sandalwood, mousses, cloth and bags. In truth, the better they will do, brainwashing dogs. Peasants in the stores need only noise-canceling headphones. And they have been there. So fuck off.
(Article taken from here: Speakers Jeremy Clarkson)
Source:
