556
Inside out
Some women like a scarecrow. We also stuffed dick knows what the head stuffed. Here Vasilisa, Prince Ivan's wife, like wise and a fool a fool. I wound up over nothing.
- Nájera - shouts - you burned my skin ?! I prevented it to you, whether that?
But man does not much alter, the end is still one.
- And fuck you anywhere your skin spreads? - Ivan shouted in response. - Not a house, and some cesspool! Wherever you spit, stockings scattered everywhere, some bras, and even leather!
It seems, and he was right, and his wife, too, can understand. Sitting, poor, without cover, red muscles, tendons is white, blood-stained stool. Vidocq, frankly sinister.
- This is my house the same as yours! - She yells again. - And if you do not like a mess, remember, until the skin will not return, everything will be through the stump deck, upside down and backwards!
Foot stomped, clapped his hands and into the bedroom sebala.
And he sees Ivan, at once changed everything! Where Paul was, there came the ceiling where the ceiling hung there dirty floor. On the table in order srach turned and cat've stole the sausage from the buffet, was the rat.
- Chur me, mind you! - Prince reached into his pocket, and there dick! No pocket!
Ivan got cold feet. Wife loved it, but then the witch cursed. From sleeveless throws bones so that they become ducks. With such talent, she and a knife in the throat can throw. Around the left, that the skin had to get blood from his nose. While the frog horseradish dobudesh. Lyaguh something, his friends, Vasilisa all exhausted. Invited to a wedding in the restaurant for a hen party, and there they ate. A correct and who now need a rival? Even and toads?
Ivan began in the mind of all the friends to touch, with whom you can tear skin. To hell with him, with the size, in extreme cases, and the figure can be fit. Or stretch.
Bear did not immediately went too hairy for some epilators you can splurge. In Kashchei skin substandard, all ribs beat. Baba Yaga is too old, rip off her skin, is like wife to fuck - uninteresting and tedious. On reflection it turns out that in the competition for the supply of leather defeated Dragon.
"So his hour!" - Decided to Ivan and went on their way, in the long edge, to dangerous adventures.
***
Popizdil prince of the forest, chews a blade of grass, birds chorister sings. But the birds, birds of a bitch, he heard his roulades, mother and shut up. Do not taste them youthful tenor, you see. And some had the audacity Finch vindictive and cruel kaknul Tsarevich right on the head. Ivan could not stand, of course, such an outrage, climbed a tree, and shit in the finch nest. And protein hollow shit, just in case. In general, everything breathed peace and quiet.
But then, out of nowhere, his head rolls. Strange this, without neck, without a body and without a nose, somehow.
- Hello, Ivan Tsarevich! - He says.
- And you do not fall ill, talking head! Who are you?
- I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel, in barns Metheny and name - Koloboks. Me, Vanya, Vasilisa sent, to help you, enemies to the shame.
- Well, now the fucking enemies miserable! Himself breadcrumbs with mouse poop instead of eyes they went to war! You know? Wali-ka you here to his mother-parasite!
- No, Ivan! Word Vasilisa - law! So, as the armless soldiers grenade, I'll never leave.
And the bun rolled along the path, raking calloused ears road dust.
- Hey! - I called him Ivan. - And the nose, then you where?
- Erased - briefly replied.
- Gingerbread Man, damn - Prince grumbled, catching his companion's unexpected. - Well, at least not Kopromezhnost.
***
Long or short they were, how they came to the castle, impregnable to the horror.
- Maybe ask for a night? - Invited the prince.
- Fuck! In the words of a monument to the Manneken Pis, cho-ta I STU - he shivered Gingerbread. - It is well known in the castles haunted nest. They, and even murderous butler.
Only together they go further as suddenly jumped out of the gate some girl, but how vtopit the woods! Look - mad in their hands - a crystal shoe, size, so about forty-two. And after her prince rushes, clad only in boots and a second crown.
- Stop, you bitch! - He yelled with all his valiant and fired after her arquebus from the slaughterhouse. - Give me my shoe!
Bullet wench othrenachilo leg on the knee, but she did not give up, jumped into a pumpkin standing in the wings and rolled away down the hill.
- That bastard! - Prince limped walked over to the leg lying in blood and called a servant:
- Hey, how you got there!
- Yes, Your Highness! - Stood at attention Chaldean.
- You take it, a servant girl's leg, and union with her kingdom all. Try on the go, everyone who meet. And who is it suitable, he means, and boots've stole!
- Listen! - I grabbed the limb and the servant mounted his horse hot.
- Yes, and more! Try on only one-legged, you can save time! - With these words, the prince returned to the castle.
- It's been Cinderella? - Gingerbread Man rubbed his mouse poop. - Sur some!
"Everything will be through the stump deck, upside down and backwards!" - Ivan remembered the words of his wife and shivered. Something was waiting for them on?
- All right, roll, stirring loaves. We still have to look for lodging.
***
Friends spent the night at a roadside inn and came out with the first rays of the sun. The weather was beautiful, just do not have the birds chirping local seen the rumor about Ivan reached these places.
Suddenly appeared in front of them some princess, startling them with its suddenness.
- Help me, good people!
- Ivan, it seems to be you, - said the gingerbread man. - I have something no man.
- Damn, this pace we Gorynycha long before we reach - Ivan spat. - All right, my beauty, tell me how to help.
Then the princess without further ado took them some stupid gardens through fucking river some tihostruynuyu to obscure high mountain, where a gigantic someone proburovil much deeper hole.
Ivan stared into the darkness sad. It rocked the coffin on chains, again made of crystal, which, like herring in the bank, placed compact seven unshaven heroes. Snoring and perdeli them so that the walls shook and crumbled hole.
- That, sleep like the dead, - the stranger nodded.
- The dead do not fart, - said the prince.
- Good title for a novel! - Gingerbread Man said.
- In short, sleep and sleep. Maybe tired. From us something that you want? - I asked Ivan Woman.
- Kiss them.
- Kiss my ass. To person crowned some dogs smerdyachih kiss ?! Yes in zhist!
- Oh please! What are you worth?
- Yeah, you go into a deep hole with such ideas!
- You have a fifth who refuse! What should I do?
- As a proctologist finger - go to hell! You, young lady, the king's son Elisha needed - prompted Gingerbread. - It is the plot needs. And we're all to do with the affairs.
Then, out of nowhere, he appeared Elisha. He previously managed to chat with the sun, moon, wind every so slightly so tired. King's son learned what was wanted of him, and was not happy.
- Another dead princess kissing I agree. Watching, of course, at what stage of decomposition. And on the heroes, I did not sign!
- For the sake of your whims, we are not going to kill the princess. And they won, are ready - said Ivan. - Best not to bristle, and do what they say. My wife over trifles all fairy tales wrenched inside out, and you, if necessary, will turn.
And there was a great fun here. Elisha, twisting his ebalo kissed mohnoryluyu mug. Awakened to see what was subjected to desecration, ebashil with all the dope in the scoreboard deliverer. By the fifth athlete prince he has looked like a steak with blood.
- Come here, - said Ivan Koloboks - and in the heat it until I get. And I'm going to kill him if at all.
- In the words of the Negro skinheads, you are not a tolerant man! - Gingerbread Man sighed.
And continue his friends a long way.
***
Later in the afternoon the travelers came to a small town, and saw a picture impossibly sad.
Near Pinocchio lying dilapidated garret, dead is not folded on the chest resinous gnarled hands. Around him he gathered his sidekick: Malvina, Pierrot, Artemon, well, Harlequin, where without it. They draw a smile rather shitty harmony with the general mood. Next, looking at nothing unseeing eyes, she rocked on his heels gray-haired old man. Timidly approached him the travelers.
- Hello! I - Prince - introduced Ivan. - What happened to you? What can help?
The old man emerged from the morass dense and stared at the travelers.
- Yeah! You're just what I need! - Ivan considered it and took out his boot chisel. - I smekaesh, Pinocchio - a man from a tree, then it will do the coffin of the man. In my opinion, everything is logical.
With these words he rushed to the Tsarevich, but Ivan destroyed his logical constructions Pinocchio between the eyes. The old man collapsed, burying entire doll pristyazh.
- Ah, it's dad Carlo! - Gingerbread recognized him.
- Dad? Something too early to him from the Vatican released!
- Do not think about the Ivan! Take a minute of his chisel!
- What for? I have a sword, - surprised Prince.
- Take, take. This chisel is not easy! She is from inanimate matter has made a living person, so that the reverse process a piece of cake for her.
Ivan shrugged his shoulders, raised his instrument, and they went further.
***
Many more wonderful they saw along the way. Palchikov a boy chicken on the foundation of the Cock-Rogue, Snow King with icicles instead of the penis ... Finally we reached.
Chalupa Snake freely stretched on the edge of the cliff, allowing Dragon to make sudden raids, raids and naprygi the village, lying down. Friends quietly crept closer (after creeping up significantly at all makes no sense), merged with the surrounding environment, and began to study it.
And the atmosphere was nothing like that. The yard geese peacefully walked on the rope laundry dried in the nettles rusty bicycle lying. Beautifully situated on the fence head previous guests neatly on pegs nasazhennnye. Okay this economy.
The owner sportingly cereals swung over the abyss, apparently intending to take a shit, to the delight of the village. Crooked teeth, he held on to the sycamore branch, paws and held three newspapers.
Ivan looked closer to a snake dragon. Magic Vasilisin and immediately made a fresh approach - poor bastard had only one head, but three assholes.
- Miserable! - The prince sighed.
- Cho is he unhappy? - Gingerbread Man protested.
- And you count how much he needs to eat, to work to provide three assholes. Kharya crack. Okay, I'm going to freshen it. The main thing is not to spoil the pelt.
- In the words of Chikatilo, handsome man is not words but deeds - Gingerbread Man admonished him in his manner.
Ivan unsheathed his sword sharp, came out of the bushes and shouted boldly:
- Hey, you're a three-pointer! Come to a fair fight!
Poor Dragon surprise almost dropped on the village of brick, but quickly pulled himself into the clutches. Not bothering to pull his pants because he was without his pants, he rushed to Ivan Snake lightning tore the giant sword, and broke his head on exuberant.
Head contracted.
- Well, that there is any suggestions? - Asked the dragon.
- All zmeyuku you ran - said the prince, and reached into his pocket depth. - Now I'll chisel pyrnu Pope Carlo.
- Oh, shit, not that! What he likes to do with me, just do not pyryay chisel Pope Carlo! By the way, who do this, the Pope Carlo?
- Now you find out! - Said Ivan Dragon and with one stroke cut off his ass.
- I - everything! - Whispered the serpent and died.
- Countries - The prince was surprised, carefully looked around the lifeless body - I thought his ass instead of a single two new grow!
- They grew up - said Gingerbread sad. - Only you.
Prince clutched his lower back.
"All the topsy-turvy!" - I recalled he lost consciousness.
© Dmitry G.Donskoy
Source: http: //
- Nájera - shouts - you burned my skin ?! I prevented it to you, whether that?
But man does not much alter, the end is still one.
- And fuck you anywhere your skin spreads? - Ivan shouted in response. - Not a house, and some cesspool! Wherever you spit, stockings scattered everywhere, some bras, and even leather!
It seems, and he was right, and his wife, too, can understand. Sitting, poor, without cover, red muscles, tendons is white, blood-stained stool. Vidocq, frankly sinister.
- This is my house the same as yours! - She yells again. - And if you do not like a mess, remember, until the skin will not return, everything will be through the stump deck, upside down and backwards!
Foot stomped, clapped his hands and into the bedroom sebala.
And he sees Ivan, at once changed everything! Where Paul was, there came the ceiling where the ceiling hung there dirty floor. On the table in order srach turned and cat've stole the sausage from the buffet, was the rat.
- Chur me, mind you! - Prince reached into his pocket, and there dick! No pocket!
Ivan got cold feet. Wife loved it, but then the witch cursed. From sleeveless throws bones so that they become ducks. With such talent, she and a knife in the throat can throw. Around the left, that the skin had to get blood from his nose. While the frog horseradish dobudesh. Lyaguh something, his friends, Vasilisa all exhausted. Invited to a wedding in the restaurant for a hen party, and there they ate. A correct and who now need a rival? Even and toads?
Ivan began in the mind of all the friends to touch, with whom you can tear skin. To hell with him, with the size, in extreme cases, and the figure can be fit. Or stretch.
Bear did not immediately went too hairy for some epilators you can splurge. In Kashchei skin substandard, all ribs beat. Baba Yaga is too old, rip off her skin, is like wife to fuck - uninteresting and tedious. On reflection it turns out that in the competition for the supply of leather defeated Dragon.
"So his hour!" - Decided to Ivan and went on their way, in the long edge, to dangerous adventures.
***
Popizdil prince of the forest, chews a blade of grass, birds chorister sings. But the birds, birds of a bitch, he heard his roulades, mother and shut up. Do not taste them youthful tenor, you see. And some had the audacity Finch vindictive and cruel kaknul Tsarevich right on the head. Ivan could not stand, of course, such an outrage, climbed a tree, and shit in the finch nest. And protein hollow shit, just in case. In general, everything breathed peace and quiet.
But then, out of nowhere, his head rolls. Strange this, without neck, without a body and without a nose, somehow.
- Hello, Ivan Tsarevich! - He says.
- And you do not fall ill, talking head! Who are you?
- I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel, in barns Metheny and name - Koloboks. Me, Vanya, Vasilisa sent, to help you, enemies to the shame.
- Well, now the fucking enemies miserable! Himself breadcrumbs with mouse poop instead of eyes they went to war! You know? Wali-ka you here to his mother-parasite!
- No, Ivan! Word Vasilisa - law! So, as the armless soldiers grenade, I'll never leave.
And the bun rolled along the path, raking calloused ears road dust.
- Hey! - I called him Ivan. - And the nose, then you where?
- Erased - briefly replied.
- Gingerbread Man, damn - Prince grumbled, catching his companion's unexpected. - Well, at least not Kopromezhnost.
***
Long or short they were, how they came to the castle, impregnable to the horror.
- Maybe ask for a night? - Invited the prince.
- Fuck! In the words of a monument to the Manneken Pis, cho-ta I STU - he shivered Gingerbread. - It is well known in the castles haunted nest. They, and even murderous butler.
Only together they go further as suddenly jumped out of the gate some girl, but how vtopit the woods! Look - mad in their hands - a crystal shoe, size, so about forty-two. And after her prince rushes, clad only in boots and a second crown.
- Stop, you bitch! - He yelled with all his valiant and fired after her arquebus from the slaughterhouse. - Give me my shoe!
Bullet wench othrenachilo leg on the knee, but she did not give up, jumped into a pumpkin standing in the wings and rolled away down the hill.
- That bastard! - Prince limped walked over to the leg lying in blood and called a servant:
- Hey, how you got there!
- Yes, Your Highness! - Stood at attention Chaldean.
- You take it, a servant girl's leg, and union with her kingdom all. Try on the go, everyone who meet. And who is it suitable, he means, and boots've stole!
- Listen! - I grabbed the limb and the servant mounted his horse hot.
- Yes, and more! Try on only one-legged, you can save time! - With these words, the prince returned to the castle.
- It's been Cinderella? - Gingerbread Man rubbed his mouse poop. - Sur some!
"Everything will be through the stump deck, upside down and backwards!" - Ivan remembered the words of his wife and shivered. Something was waiting for them on?
- All right, roll, stirring loaves. We still have to look for lodging.
***
Friends spent the night at a roadside inn and came out with the first rays of the sun. The weather was beautiful, just do not have the birds chirping local seen the rumor about Ivan reached these places.
Suddenly appeared in front of them some princess, startling them with its suddenness.
- Help me, good people!
- Ivan, it seems to be you, - said the gingerbread man. - I have something no man.
- Damn, this pace we Gorynycha long before we reach - Ivan spat. - All right, my beauty, tell me how to help.
Then the princess without further ado took them some stupid gardens through fucking river some tihostruynuyu to obscure high mountain, where a gigantic someone proburovil much deeper hole.
Ivan stared into the darkness sad. It rocked the coffin on chains, again made of crystal, which, like herring in the bank, placed compact seven unshaven heroes. Snoring and perdeli them so that the walls shook and crumbled hole.
- That, sleep like the dead, - the stranger nodded.
- The dead do not fart, - said the prince.
- Good title for a novel! - Gingerbread Man said.
- In short, sleep and sleep. Maybe tired. From us something that you want? - I asked Ivan Woman.
- Kiss them.
- Kiss my ass. To person crowned some dogs smerdyachih kiss ?! Yes in zhist!
- Oh please! What are you worth?
- Yeah, you go into a deep hole with such ideas!
- You have a fifth who refuse! What should I do?
- As a proctologist finger - go to hell! You, young lady, the king's son Elisha needed - prompted Gingerbread. - It is the plot needs. And we're all to do with the affairs.
Then, out of nowhere, he appeared Elisha. He previously managed to chat with the sun, moon, wind every so slightly so tired. King's son learned what was wanted of him, and was not happy.
- Another dead princess kissing I agree. Watching, of course, at what stage of decomposition. And on the heroes, I did not sign!
- For the sake of your whims, we are not going to kill the princess. And they won, are ready - said Ivan. - Best not to bristle, and do what they say. My wife over trifles all fairy tales wrenched inside out, and you, if necessary, will turn.
And there was a great fun here. Elisha, twisting his ebalo kissed mohnoryluyu mug. Awakened to see what was subjected to desecration, ebashil with all the dope in the scoreboard deliverer. By the fifth athlete prince he has looked like a steak with blood.
- Come here, - said Ivan Koloboks - and in the heat it until I get. And I'm going to kill him if at all.
- In the words of the Negro skinheads, you are not a tolerant man! - Gingerbread Man sighed.
And continue his friends a long way.
***
Later in the afternoon the travelers came to a small town, and saw a picture impossibly sad.
Near Pinocchio lying dilapidated garret, dead is not folded on the chest resinous gnarled hands. Around him he gathered his sidekick: Malvina, Pierrot, Artemon, well, Harlequin, where without it. They draw a smile rather shitty harmony with the general mood. Next, looking at nothing unseeing eyes, she rocked on his heels gray-haired old man. Timidly approached him the travelers.
- Hello! I - Prince - introduced Ivan. - What happened to you? What can help?
The old man emerged from the morass dense and stared at the travelers.
- Yeah! You're just what I need! - Ivan considered it and took out his boot chisel. - I smekaesh, Pinocchio - a man from a tree, then it will do the coffin of the man. In my opinion, everything is logical.
With these words he rushed to the Tsarevich, but Ivan destroyed his logical constructions Pinocchio between the eyes. The old man collapsed, burying entire doll pristyazh.
- Ah, it's dad Carlo! - Gingerbread recognized him.
- Dad? Something too early to him from the Vatican released!
- Do not think about the Ivan! Take a minute of his chisel!
- What for? I have a sword, - surprised Prince.
- Take, take. This chisel is not easy! She is from inanimate matter has made a living person, so that the reverse process a piece of cake for her.
Ivan shrugged his shoulders, raised his instrument, and they went further.
***
Many more wonderful they saw along the way. Palchikov a boy chicken on the foundation of the Cock-Rogue, Snow King with icicles instead of the penis ... Finally we reached.
Chalupa Snake freely stretched on the edge of the cliff, allowing Dragon to make sudden raids, raids and naprygi the village, lying down. Friends quietly crept closer (after creeping up significantly at all makes no sense), merged with the surrounding environment, and began to study it.
And the atmosphere was nothing like that. The yard geese peacefully walked on the rope laundry dried in the nettles rusty bicycle lying. Beautifully situated on the fence head previous guests neatly on pegs nasazhennnye. Okay this economy.
The owner sportingly cereals swung over the abyss, apparently intending to take a shit, to the delight of the village. Crooked teeth, he held on to the sycamore branch, paws and held three newspapers.
Ivan looked closer to a snake dragon. Magic Vasilisin and immediately made a fresh approach - poor bastard had only one head, but three assholes.
- Miserable! - The prince sighed.
- Cho is he unhappy? - Gingerbread Man protested.
- And you count how much he needs to eat, to work to provide three assholes. Kharya crack. Okay, I'm going to freshen it. The main thing is not to spoil the pelt.
- In the words of Chikatilo, handsome man is not words but deeds - Gingerbread Man admonished him in his manner.
Ivan unsheathed his sword sharp, came out of the bushes and shouted boldly:
- Hey, you're a three-pointer! Come to a fair fight!
Poor Dragon surprise almost dropped on the village of brick, but quickly pulled himself into the clutches. Not bothering to pull his pants because he was without his pants, he rushed to Ivan Snake lightning tore the giant sword, and broke his head on exuberant.
Head contracted.
- Well, that there is any suggestions? - Asked the dragon.
- All zmeyuku you ran - said the prince, and reached into his pocket depth. - Now I'll chisel pyrnu Pope Carlo.
- Oh, shit, not that! What he likes to do with me, just do not pyryay chisel Pope Carlo! By the way, who do this, the Pope Carlo?
- Now you find out! - Said Ivan Dragon and with one stroke cut off his ass.
- I - everything! - Whispered the serpent and died.
- Countries - The prince was surprised, carefully looked around the lifeless body - I thought his ass instead of a single two new grow!
- They grew up - said Gingerbread sad. - Only you.
Prince clutched his lower back.
"All the topsy-turvy!" - I recalled he lost consciousness.
© Dmitry G.Donskoy
Source: http: //
