The Taming of the immortal

Part of the order: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 (well, you never know, maybe someone does not know)

- Well, you, Vanya, fuck, with such jokes! - Muttered Gray Wolf suddenly jumped out of the dark corridor Ivan.
- I'm not with malice, Gray.
- Uh-huh. Not maliciously. But no good. Have you ever seriously thought for a second, why are we here? - I began berating partner Grey Wolf.
- Ash tree stump, not on trips. - Confident in the understanding of the situation said Vanya. - In the ghoul hunt.
- It is, Vanya, we have vampires. And then, we can say Vurdalachy Dad! Ghoul ghouls of all, I would even say!
- Yes, even vurdalachya Mom! - Confidently said Vanya. - Garlic is afraid of aspen dies at the sun can not go. Nothing more than not different from ours.
- Yes, here and there, Vanya. This, as you called it, Ghoul, strong and cunning. Stronger than a dozen athletes fair and smarter Grisha, whom you, durian your noggin, just his wedding ring in chess is not lost ...
- So I would not have lost - outraged Vanka - I have it with both horses led board. And in the face to see, that the Roma in the family he had.
- ... Can control the elements, nasylaya fog or a storm - to tell Wolf continued, ignoring Vankin comment - and control animals and reptiles reptiles. So, you'd here not swaggered, Wang, and?
- I did not ruffle. It is you panicking for nothing. Garlic I ate? - Ivan breathed toward Wolf.
- I gorged. - Grimacing, Gray agreed.
- Aspen peg forgot?
- Did not forget. - Throwing a frown on the meter log with human leg girth, roughly hewn on the one hand, the newly agreed Wolf. - Only, it seems to me, Vanya, you have it in the vampire is not votknesh, because uncomfortable.
- And it is not going, Gray. I have it so easy to steal will.
- Well, in this case, you can and with all his foolishness, - approved the wolf. - Well it's not a translator Transylvanian ...


- Seems to me, I'm someone uebu. - Ivan muttered under his breath, looking at their own, not the small size of a fist.
- Which of the two, Vanya? - With ehidtsey whispered through clenched teeth sitting next wolf.
- Tolmach. - Everything just sullenly said Ivan.
- And after then, why not?
- Ambassador of the old, and says that it is necessary for the position to tell. And this bitch that translates, staring at my wife.
- Sight, Vanya, do not instruct bruises.
- Well yes. The views do not instruct. - Thoughtfully examining his fist, he agreed Vanya.
Rising from his chair, standing on the left hand of the King, Ivan the Fool confidently stepped up to the interpreter and hit.
- Hook. - Grey Wolf stated, scratching behind his ear with his paw. He added. - Knockout.


- Well, it was on necha Vasilisa Zenk your goggle - Ivan protested, remembering the oil sight interpreter, slide on Vasilisa. - Repeat this, I'd still hit it, even if I knew that we were here on this hunt Dracula sent.
- I understand, Vanya, you - straight man, but not a fool. That, however, very often, and it makes you a fool.
- Quiet! - Ivan alert. - Heard?
Somewhere in the depths of dark corridors there was a baby crying, swept echoed by Vanka with Wolf gradually away, becoming quieter, until it came to nothing.
- No way, this vurdalachy dad for dinner child of innocent dragged. And I leave here until the evening. - Share your fabrications Ivan. - It is necessary to rescue the child something.
Sit back and catching the one hand hewn logs, Vanka confidently strode the gloomy damp corridor.
- And if it is not a child? - Seed after him, suggested the Gray Wolf.
- And who do you think?
- Yes, anyone. I f you, Vanya, I say: Dracula - the father of lies and tricks. And it may go to any tricks to themselves from you, fool, secure.
- Afraid so - he stated Vanka and broke into a satisfied smile.
Corridors, intricately intertwined and playing children's crying echoing, Ivan brought the Wolf to the stairs, leaving a steep spiral into the basement.
- Darkness terrible - Ivan muttered, and stepped forward, pulling from his pocket a feather of the Firebird Koshcheeva garden. The light from the pen of the dull glare reflected off the moldy walls.
- A web-something web. He is, you see, from the mud-and wild, but people began to rush. And be cleaned on Saturdays, as you see, and character to clean he became better.
Grey Wolf, listening to Vanya, grimaced, unique to the human face could be a panic ajuy from happening, and admiration for something outlandish, hitherto not seen. And Ivan, meanwhile, continued to rant.
- Here I am, for example, dirt in the palace see, so I have spoiled the mood in the dust. Well, in actual fact! You wake up and mess around you, in the face of the web ... br-rr. One is forced to become nervous. I think it should be our hay girls here.
- Yeah, - sullenly I accepted Wolf - he will be glad, the girls something.
- Of course! They will impose order, and this ill perestirayut underwear and food ready ... and just stare at them pleasure to. They train with us as one - Ivan dreamily rolled his eyes - blood with milk!
- Particularly blood. - Everything just sullenly remarked Gray.
- Well, here it is, yes. - Agreed to Ivan. - It would be better was if vedroidov collect so configure failed. But you see how it all turned into something ...


After the official reception, as usual, there was a banquet. Aged Ambassador peacefully dozing in the corner, despite the hullabaloo raised by the terrorists, loud crying some rollicking song, a translator from the abundance of dishes and wines quickly slid under the table, where, dropping saliva, and fell asleep in an embrace with her beloved dog Tsarev.
- Listen, Gray, I call the basic idea caught that about vedroidov, and most did not understand. Explain, eh? - Crunching salted cucumber, I asked Ivan.
- Yeah, what's to explain. Buy want your vedroidov.
- So have not already - Vanka threw up his hands. - They have turned unruly, you saw ...
Dragging the edge of the mantle on the floor, went to the King of Vanke.
- Well, Vanya, vedroidov gather a dozen?
- So you are well, the king's father, told the drawings themselves burn, ashes to eat, and then the wind to dispel!
- Ordered. - Agreed to the King. - Now here's the reverse'll have. Transylvanian our neighbors, well, very much needed. They are for the solution of their problems are willing to pay well. And I, as King, a benefit for the treasury have no right to miss!
- Duc no opportunity! - Vanya threw up his hands - I f ashes somehow dispelled as he was told. As soon as it came out of the body.
Grey Wolf grimaced in disgust, remembering how Vanya, strictly fulfill the requirements of the king dispelled digested ashes.
- This Vanya is not my concern. Do not gather, so he will go with ihnim Durakuloy deal. Fortunately, you have similar names. You - a fool, he Durakulo. You look, and agree to a consensus.
And famously drank the last of the wine, the King strode back to the table.
Vanya looked at Grey Wolf. He sighed sadly and understandable language Vanke explained the problem:
- In the neighboring Transylvania evil, like for example our Koshchey. Only Koscheyu live but dead water life is extended and this, Transylvania, contrived from the blood to produce the necessary components. And in order to gain eternal life, I got into the habit of people to ruin without measure. Force a lot, and dabbles in witchcraft. Military people first forced to fight among themselves, and after ponadkusyval all, and how kittens scattered. That came transilvantsy for vedroidami, in the hope that the iron he would not be able to do anything, and they will overcome it. And as our King has already said that to you it is a trifling matter, and then you take the rap.
- And also like this interpreter immediately uebat - Vanka sighed, - until he explained what they needed. Now disentangle.
- Wan, what you first, whether that?
Vanya stood up and munching cucumber, agreed:
- Not the first time. So, I will go its still a time uebu. - In response to questioning glance gray he said - once, twice, three ... still have not wriggle from the trip.

Soon, from under the table with a squeal he jumped Tsar favorite dog. Behind him - with round eyes horror Transylvanian translator. Following, he came out from under the table Vanka. But chasing interpreter did not. Just called out:
- I love you, bitch, I will steal all the way!


-Ept! You hear Grey? Ottel cry. Really ottel! - Vanka ran to the gravestone, out of which came the sobs of children. - Well this is what a monster you have to be something!
Vanya was like around the plate, an example of how to turn off polovchee place. However, the plate was too heavy and grab was not for that.
- Give me a fulcrum and I will move the world! - Recited Wolf.
- What?
- The lever is needed, Vanya.
- What?
- Crowbar or something, a rod of iron.
Lever as Grey Wolf suspected, was the Vanino timber, which he insisted on calling stake. And when the plate has moved from its place, from the depths of the grave with a nasty squeak escaped flock of bats. One of them even managed to snatch from the hands of the coveted Vanina luminous feather and fly with him into the gray gloom of the corridor.
Croy in-god-soul-a cross-mother known only to your imagination progenitor bats, Vanya comically waved from their hands until until it fell, tripping over his own log.
- Bravo!
Standing in the doorway, aristocratic peasant casually slapped one hand against the other.
- What are you for dick? - I asked Ivan.
- I do not dick, as you say.
A wide collar of his cloak, which lies on the shoulders of an unknown man, Vanya was associated only with the bare foreskin.
- A similar. - Handed Ivan, looking at the figure in the doorway.
- I have been known to locals under the name Dracula. - To present an aristocrat. - I would like to hear your name and the reason for the visit.
- A, - said Ivan, shaded wild surmise - For thee I'm looking for?
It is the turn aristocrat surprised.
- Me? Why?
- Ebalo stuff. - With his characteristic simplicity said Vanya.
Dracula nasty chuckle.
- What, sorry, stuff?
- The front part of the head - said the silent before the Gray Wolf.
Dracula just noticed the Grey Wolf, barely discernible in the twilight of the basement.
- You?! - Dracula's surprise could not have been forged. - Returned !?
- Yeah - pretty purred Wolf. - I told you I'd be back.
- What the fuck is happening constantly, Gray ?! - Outraged Vanka. You're always in some part, with all the familiar, know everything about everybody.
- I'll tell you later.
- Once again later? Why can not tell right away, before we go somewhere and before any garbage starts to happen? ..
The door slammed shut without a squeak. And the darkness became impenetrable. Loops in the castle, in spite of the general neglect, were surprisingly well lubricated.


After several attempts to open the door, a brief explanation of the relationship and mutual accusations, including "mudilo chetyrehlapoe" and "stupid ass with a log" were the most harmless, Vanya, after all, found somewhere in the corner of the basement candle candles, tan wick set it on the very gravestone. But after a few minutes spent in silence, Gray Wolf spoke.
- I still do not know how it happened, and I can not find an explanation for what happened. I was reading a story to his son. I remember all admired, like a fairy tale it's simple and easy, and it is not easy in real life. And this crazy idea flashed, that would get in a fairy tale! And you know, Vanya, there was no bright light or some tragic music, the wall did not leave a magician in a peaked hat and a staff ... nothing at all like that. I finished reading son story, and then another long tossing and turning in bed, thinking, dreaming. And, finally, into the night to sleep. And I woke up - here, in this body. More precisely, the skin.
Vanya listened open-mouthed.
- And it seems to me, Vanya, that as long as I have at least a glimpse not take part in all the subjects that are read in my life, I can not see the road back.
- Huyase, stories - scratched the top of Vanya. - This is where are these stories kind to people drinking blood?
- And the most interesting, is not one I am. - To continue the Gray Wolf, ignoring Vankina replica. - Remember, I told you that Juliet was a witch before? Well, Julia, in our opinion.
- Yeah.
- So, before she flew off the rails and put me on a chain, he told me that her similar miracle happened. She was reading a book by a famous author of our world. Shakespeare is his name. And really, really wanted to love her the same. As to the book. Just fell asleep ... and woke nee Capulet ... book something, it is not very well-finished. There's lovers died. Who drank the poison who stabbed himself ...
- Stabbed herself for love? Huyase stories! - His voice again Vanya.
- Well, she did not want to die, bearing in mind than the book ended. And ran. Without waiting for developments. And then it suffered tales, spun. And, finally, on the role of Baba Yaga and stopped.
- So, as the Dracula, his How do you know?
- And I was here already. With doctor. Van Helsing was his name. Oh, and notably are we then show off. - Wolf fervently shook - All vurdalache their nest to the nines smashed. Alone girls mature in upyrits facing twelve pieces shall rest. And this contagion, not hiding, not run away ...

Behind the door there was a woman's laughter. Cute, charming. Such laughter when he heard that, I wanted to hear it again. And further. And further. This laughter was fascinating, calling for him. This laughter was mixed passion and innocence, candor and restraint, the fire of lust and desire rapid waterfall.
- What you are there laughs? - Shouting at the door, he asked Vanya. - Do nothing? The procedure, place the better! And then lit a mess! Walk through the castle disgusting!
Laugh at the door hurt verse.


They were just as much needed spark to burn itself out. At a time when the candle candle trembled, giving the last sparks of light, the door swung open. In the doorway stood Dracula.
- Dark. - He said.
- So you waited until the sun sits - said Wolf. The hair on his nape stood on end, and the upper lip quivered, exposing fangs. - That no options. To enter into force.
- Well, of course! - Agreed to Dracula. - I'm not that naive Vampirchiki you are with the castle drove Helsing. I'm sure it's better.
- Grey offense will not give! - His voice Vanya.
- Would you, my good fellow, was as safe. I'm evil to you do not cherish. I like you did not do anything wrong. And this here - Dracula nodded toward Wolf - all the brides of my wasted. No one did not leave. And I, by the way, among them four favorite was.
- I ... - hesitated Vanya - Well, yes. Indeed, foolishly I got here. - He turned to gray and the guilty voice continued - sorry, the Wolf. I still want to live.
- That's right - encouraged Dracula. - Go, Ivan, on all four sides. What do you need someone else's showdown?
- Yeah, well, to nothing - still sadly agreed Vanya vzvalivaya a number cudgel on his shoulder and headed for the exit. He glanced at the door. - Do not be angry, Gray. I'm still young, I die too early. And you still do not go through all the tales. - And he went out the door.

- Well, what, gray, pereverneshsya, or in the guise of a wolf fight will be? - Hissed Dracula.
- In the human, fuck! - Heard from behind and hit aspen cudgel pripechatal skinny aristocrat to the wall, so that the stone crumb crumbled apart. - Grey, extinguish goat!
In the glow of the torch hanging in the hallway, it was seen as the number of Vanin club describes a wide arc by one, transforming an enemy into a leather bag full of broken bones and rescued the innards. Wolf did not even try to intervene.
- Do not you have enough knowledge of the mind and kill me - wheezed twisted like a rag doll, a vampire. - I will restore, as if you did not mutilated. I am immortal, Vanya! Immortal! And I will revenge!
- Wow. I already vzoprel - Ivan said, wiping sweat from his forehead.
- And I will raise up! I will become what it was! And do not be lazy - get back to you. - Continue to laugh Dracula.
- Hey, Grey, and the peg-it does not work! - Notified Vanya, once again, dropping a log on the long-suffering vampire skull. - Maybe this is not at all an aspen?
- Can not Aspen. - Agreed Grey Wolf - I'm not good in the trees.
- And what am I to do something, Gray?
- Well, if you can not be destroyed, you must disarm. - It has assumed the Gray Wolf. - Stick it in the tomb sealed. I honor the special prayers.
- Good. - Agreed Ivan zapinyvaya mutilated body of the former the father of lies through the open grave. - Read it.
- Pater noster, - I began Wolf - qui es in caelis, sanctificetur nomen tuum ...
Dracula, grating, how allowed the fractured jaw, chuckled from the depths of the grave.
- It's a fairy tale, Gray! There is no religion! And this means that your prayers will not work!
- Hmm ... Prayers may not work - said Vanya. - There is one little idea, Gray. Walked a little, huh? Well, while I defused it.


- You, too, Vanya, do not be angry, but I'm in a different direction. I'm with you and so stayed longer position. And the scenario with your namesake Prince remained unrealized. And I still oh how stories ought to survive!
From somewhere in the castle came a prolonged, chilling howl.



See also

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