Underdeveloped patients

Stock up on food - stories in today's collection will be very much.

Patient №001. One American drunk swallowed a doorknob. I do not know to what extent it was necessary to get drunk to do it, but the fact remains. He held a door handle in the stomach for three days - apparently hoping that it will come naturally. I do not come out. I had to see a doctor. The funny thing is that when the handle was removed from the stomach by surgery, the first thing he asked the patient after regained consciousness after anesthesia was, "Can I take the doorknob home?».

Patient №002. The boy was taken to hospital with lacerations and abrasions on the hands, knees and ankles. As explained by the patient's physician, he was riding a bicycle past the rowing canal, which held the race, holding in one hand and a can of beer constantly looking at competitors. At the moment when the boy slid down the hill, he decided to let go and applaud the participants of the steering wheel. What upset him most is the fact that it rained all the beer cans.

Patient №003. The patient was taken to hospital with a minor gunshot wound. When asked where he caught a bullet, he said, a bullet from his gun and he decided to wet dry them on a gas stove ...

Patient №004. The patient was taken to the gynecology department with lacerations in an intimate place. Near spun worried boyfriend, which is a dumb question physicians explained they decided to have sex, but the house did not have a condom, so they used a package of potato chips ...

Patient №005. A registered dietitian his patient pills, chastened - take 1 Thing a day. Mamzelke so eager to lose weight, she took a couple of pills in the morning and then another at 10 am, then stood on the scales and called an ambulance, "Your pills do not work, I did not lose a single gram of its weight!»

Patient №006. The surgeon, told the following story, remember his patient for life. Moreover, in his memory, he received an unusual souvenir - a T-shirt-gag "We'll play a carpenter - you get a hammer on the head!". The owner of this T-shirts appeared before him with a 10-centimeter nails, thumb stuck in his hand and the hand itself. I finish the pancake.

Patient №007. The hospital asked a man complaining of acute pain in the throat. External examination revealed no abnormalities, but an x-ray dot the «i» - stuck in my throat ... the keys to the car Ford. As it turned out, the patient a week ago, he had quarreled with his wife and she tried to get away from him. To prevent it, fool swallowed the keys to her car ...

Patient №008. Police rushed to hospital in handcuffs guy - his pants were torn to shreds by bum ankle. History is not only amused the cops and doctors. The fact that the guy was a significant date - the year he met his girlfriend. Wanting to make a surprise for the lady of the heart, he broke down the door to the conservatory Phipps (this is a huge beautiful greenhouses in Pittsburgh, which became a favorite destination for honeymooners) to have sex in colors. During foreplay man pressed a button hidden alarm. A few minutes later the police arrived ... With dogs ...

Patient №009. In the emergency room the patient is enrolled, whose body was excised as if he suffered from the explosion of a fragmentation grenade. But as it turned out, the patient had not been in the war, he decided to simply dispose of an old tube TV in the backyard of his house and threw it into the fire.

Patient №010. At night, the hospital brought the 30-year old boy, bleeding just below the waist. The surgeon took to impose 38 stitches to sew lacerations on his scrotum. The patient regained consciousness and told the cause of the injury, he got into an argument at the flagpole and then slid down the pole, holding his feet. The idiot forgot about the existence of the bottom of a special "hook" on which the fixed rope. That ran.

Patient №011. Blondes often become heroes category "The most stupid of the patient." One of them went to the hospital complaining of strange white discharge from the intimate space, which appear immediately after sex. The doctor asked - whether her boyfriend uses a condom? The answer was negative.

Patient №012. An American was playing with a vibrator and finished badly - sex toy stuck in the ass. He worked long and hard trying to pull it back, but in vain. Consult your doctor, but there was getting vibrator slipped even deeper. In the clinic, the doctor on duty caught fluctuations in the abdomen of the patient and the surgeon called. A surgeon, to his credit, got a sense of humor. "Well, as soon as I get to the vibrator, you want me to remove it or just changed the batteries?" - He asked duraleya.

Patient №013. By the way, since we are talking about asses. A fool managed to miss the ball into the rectum for cricket. He did not call an ambulance, but he decided to get to the hospital. You would not guess on what he went to the clinic on a bike ... !!!

Patient №014. Movie idiots acts just like the moon on the werewolf. Value exit cartoon from Pixar «Toy Story," as immediately found an idiot who decided to test Base Svetsik in fact, that is in the body. Extracted figure has surgery - did not wait until the idiot went to bum figure to rescue Woody base.

Patient №015. Car mechanic asked the paramedics after being shed on his shoulder battery acid. In the emergency room the man fell to the bag squeezed lemon. When doctors eyes widened in surprise, fool explained that he was trying to neutralize the battery acid and citric acid so squeezed at the burns on his body a few kilos of lemons.

Patient №016. And how do you the story of 15-year-old blockhead, entered the emergency room with second-degree burns on his chest? And the burn had a clear outline of the iron. No, the boy was not tortured, he was trying to pet a shirt for yourself. I asked the doctor, "And why the heck did you do?" The boy replied, "Well, it did not hurt until I pressed the button a couple» ...

Patient №017. American, received by the "fast", said doctors in filling card of the patient: "I have experienced the death of one of the brain» ...

Patient №018. Elderly Americans suffering from bleeding from the rectum. He heard somewhere that open wounds can be cauterized to stop the bleeding. He signed up to the doctor, but had to wait for so long, that he was afraid that by the time it runs out of all the blood. He decided to cauterize the wound. How? Hairdryer hair curling! It is ideally entered in the ass, and the man turned it into a network. Doctors have to get hair - they had to break down the door, as the patient to get up from the floor was no longer able to.

Patient №019. The "fast" asked an American with complaints of pain in the scrotum. The doctors did X-rays and found inside a 10-inch nail. As it turned out, while the fool put his lap pnevmomolotok and accidentally fired a nail.

Patient №020. And how do you the story of 15-year-old schoolgirl who was taken to hospital with terrible bruises on his leg. The injuries were so severe that she could not even walk. Asked doctors: "What happened?" The girl replied that kicked from all stupor bowling ball, trying to knock the strike.

Patient №021. The hospital asked a woman who complained to doctors to "dry mouth." The doctor asked how long she had this condition. "Three hours" - said his aunt. "Have you tried to have a drink of water?" - Asked the doctor. "And that - it helps?" - Surprised aunt. As soon as she was given a glass of water, dry mouth instantly went.

Patient №022. 20-year-old, who was taken to the "fast" with lacerations in the groin, he blushed when asked, "What happened?". Fool told that he was washing the dog in the bathroom ... naked. On the street he drove the patrol car, siren wailing, and dog, frightened, began to struggle.

Patient №023. The ambulance brought the boy, who screamed in pain and clutched his hands to his groin. He brought two friends, who told the doctors what had happened. Three blockheads were playing in an abandoned factory and found industrial magnets. Oh, the desire for experimentation - two boys magnets positioned on either side of the third testicles. Well, magnets, and pulled. History is silent - managed to save fertility guy or not.

Patient №024. The patient, who appealed to the "fast" with complaints of pain in the penis, nurse flabbergasted when told the cause of the pain. As it turned out, the idiot wanted a bit of oral sex. The girls he was not, but close ... cow grazing. Fool took off his pants and went to face the animal, well, a cow and licked. Okay so I licked - from the heart.

Patient №025. Our next fool too easily dressed during a snow storm. After some time, he is so stiff that the frostbitten all that he could. Cause "fast" on such "trifle" he considered unnecessary. Instead, he went to the nearest store and bought ... drank antifreeze. Idiot I understand the name "nezamerzayki" literally and decided that she would save him from the cold.

Patient №026. And how do you a patient who came to the doctor and said, almost in the doorway: "The owner of the house in which I live, put magnets on my floor and now my breasts sag !!!»

Patient №027. Believe me, over the years, with the blunt surgery patients are accustomed to everything. Even to this: a man tried to get stuck in the ass during sex games golf ball using ... tablespoon. He did not expect that the spoon is also stuck.

Patient №028. The woman turned to the department "first aid" with complaints ... six mosquito bites. Noticing the puzzled look doctor, madam decided that that surprised her insight.
- Yes, yes, I'm sure it was the mosquitoes - she began to explain to him. - Because it is summer, and I was on the street at night. Believe me, I saw and felt each of these mosquitoes ...
When the doctor was able to get a word in, he asked with a frightened patient decided that mosquitoes - this is an emergency?
- Yes, I was bitten by mosquitoes before - pouted madam. - But I've never had 6 bites on one leg.


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