I became an actor for a very simple reason: pissed away all chances to become someone else.
I remember very well my first interview. It was right after "The Graduate" (1967 film that made known Hoffman. - Esquire). Came to me Studs Terkel (the famous American journalist. - Esquire). We talked for about three hours. And then he said, "Wait a minute, I'll check the recorder." Recorder was not working. Terkel said, "Do you mind if we talk about the same thing again?" I said "No". And we talked for three hours. I do not think that there is something on the success of novice actor. Now I would have said the same thing.
Most of all I regret that did not used to be a jazz musician.
I do not like Hollywood, but would never criticize the heads of the major studios. Imagine you have spent $ 65 million on a movie, 60 - print copies as much on advertising as much on the little things. If I manage multimillion movies, I would lay on the floor and moaning in fear. One small mistake - and you're dust.
The only comfort in the fact that being a celebrity - is the ability to pick up the phone and easily call other celebrities.
If you have talent, you should know that this thing keeps you strong grip on his balls and leads you through life wherever it pleases.
When you become famous, you do not fear death. The moment when you became a star, you're already dead. Or was embalmed alive.
Envy dudes who can simply enjoy the sunset. Vulgar thing, but when I see the sunset, I always think about how I took it. For this reason, always seemed to leave me some absurd trifle far-fetched.
In order to survive, I need a little sun and coconut milk.
I always feel cheated, and inferior, when I think that I do not have the opportunity to experience what it is - to be pregnant and bear a child what it is - to breastfeed.
I'm afraid all of their six children. Because they know about me, what about me nobody knows.
I envy those who are now twenty. When I was twenty years old, I was shining only become a waiter or taxi driver.
Always preferred a banana half a banana.
I love to tell jokes. I think they are akin to poetry, but it is more convenient than poetry, because they are much easier to understand.
So, the head of McDonald's comes to the Pope and said: "We'll give you $ 500 million, and for this you will change in prayer," Thank you, Lord, for this bread "to" Thank you, Lord, for the Big Mac. " Dad says, "How dare you!" Then this makdonaldsovsky dude says, "Well, well! I'll give you a billion dollars. " Dad thought and said: "I need to confer with the Cardinals." He goes out into the hall, where the Cardinals are sitting and said: "I have good news and bad. The good: we have just received billions from McDonald's. " Cardinals: "The bad news?" - "The bad news is that we pissed away a contract for 750 million to Burger King».
Myth unites us, imagination always breaks apart.
Beware of Congress, and the like. After talking with these people your head is surprisingly packed with fantastic rubbish, get rid of which is practically impossible.
I crappy expert - so correct me if I'm wrong - but it seems to me that the cause of all modern wars - the desire of domination, money and oil.
The worst thing for me as an American - is that at some point I suddenly realized it is clear that the effective governance of the country the presidential administration simply manipulates human fears.
In my opinion, the world is too many weapons.
The value of art is easy to put into question. Suppose lit Louvre. In the hall on fire two things - the Mona Lisa and randomly pick a street cat here. And you only have time for that to save one thing. What will you choose? I remember when I was about twenty, we often discussed this situation with the guys for a good glass of wine and the jamb. But I do not remember what we decided.
There are people who argue that Kierkegaard had no sense of humor. Nonsense - that's what I say. The best proof of his return is a metaphor that is life. Of course, I perevru all messed up, but Kierkegaard said something like this: "You are suspended over an infinite ocean of the arms and legs on a thin fishing line at a height of fifty yards - so this is the life." I think this statement is fully proves that Kierkegaard was a sense of humor. Because hearing this, one can only laugh.
I love to talk about premature ejaculation. You know, the girls do not like guys healthy who suffer from this disease. Once I was inclined to agree with them. But when I got older, I realized that there is nothing more amazing than premature ejaculation. Now, when sometimes it takes me an hour and a half, I almost dream about it.
On the set between a man and a woman, it is important to maintain something like romance. When I co-starred with Barbra Streisand in "Meet the Fockers" (a comedy in 2004. - Esquire), at the beginning of each day, I said to her, "Damn, your boobs look awesome today!" And she immediately began to treat their boobs and around the rest is much better.
Never anything do not ask actors. Because all they want - attention. "Look at me - I went into the shower! Look at me - I went to shit! »
None of the actors had never asked for my advice.
Not so long ago, I realized that at some point lost all respect for the actors. All that we do is - just an imitation of God, no more.
I love Johnny Depp - that's who does only what you like, and does not try to be a star.
I support the actors who are constantly overlooked role. It's nice to meet someone who looks like you.
I think a lot about modern celebrity. Look at the cult of Paris Hilton. Wealth for wealth, fame for fame. Is all of this? My children often meet her. They say she's polite and sweet. It seems to me, with Paris Heaton no special problems. The problem is those who admired her.
Watch the career of older actors - rather amusing occupation. You sit in front of TV, watching the news and konstatiruesh: "So, in the new movie Morgan Freeman play God. Shit, again! »
It seems to me the most cruel way to insult the director - is to ask to make another double as he just said "great».
Once I asked Olivier why he continues to play in such an advanced age. And he began to scream. Look at me! - He shouted. - Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! I'm an old fart wrinkled, but I'm still in the spotlight! »
Death for us when we look at their own old photos. Some call it the memories, but for me it's always been more like a punch in the stomach, completely debilitating.
Perhaps I am alone in this, but sometimes when I look at the homeless, for murderers, for the simple scoundrels or drunks, I suddenly start to imagine their infant photography. In these photos, they are the same as we are on our own. And the fact that we have not grown as they only amazing, inexplicable accident.
Not so long ago I stopped actively removed. Somewhere has got a spark. Somewhere has got to talk. Can, of course, I will write something. Or try something to remove. But I'm going to do it very quietly.
Infinity of things that I see around me, great. So I never knew such a thing as boredom. You may be depressed, but I could never understand the origin of the boredom.
Feeling that death close, pressing on me. I have always tried to lead her some game. I said to myself: "Dude, you have not lived and a half of life." When I turned forty, I said to myself: "Those guys is not half." Then I turned fifty. I said, "Okay, now I'm in the middle of the road." Then, when I turned sixty, I told my father-in: "You know, I think I begin to feel something like a midlife crisis." And the test told me: "Middle hell age ?! Dustin, and how much do you know of 120-year-olds? »
Life - shit. But this does not mean that it is impossible to enjoy.
Kierkegaard was right, guys.
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