6 Ways to Stop Fearing People Will Think You’re Boring

The fear of being boring in conversation haunts many of us. This social anxiety is so common that it has its own name – “boresomphobia” (from the English “boresome” – “boring”). Because of this fear, we often avoid new acquaintances, refuse to speak, and even devalue our own stories and opinions before sharing them. But what is particularly sad is the formation of a vicious circle: fear of appearing boring, we behave constrained, which as a result makes us less interesting interlocutors.
“We misunderstand what it means to be interesting. It’s not the ability to talk about incredible adventures. It is primarily the ability to be interested in other people, in the world around and in their own thoughts and feelings.”

Studies show that about 85% of people experience anxiety associated with social interactions, and 13% admit that it is the fear of appearing boring that keeps them from actively participating in conversations. At the same time, according to psychologists from Harvard University, our self-esteem as an interlocutor often does not correspond to how we are perceived by others – people tend to underestimate the impression they make on others.
If you recognize yourself in these descriptions, do not despair. There are proven methods that will help get rid of the fear of appearing boring and begin to enjoy communication. In this article, we will look at six effective ways to deal with this problem.

1 Realize that “boring” is a subjective concept
The first step to overcoming the fear of appearing boring is to realize that the criteria for “interestingness” vary widely from person to person. What seems boring to one can be fascinating to another.
Practical advice:
Make a list of your hobbies, hobbies and topics that you really care about. Even if you find some too mundane or specific, there are people who will share your interest. Finding like-minded people is the best way to start a comfortable communication.

Research in social psychology confirms that authenticity and genuine enthusiasm are more important than the topic of conversation. According to the work of Dr. Judy Kuriansky, people are significantly higher rated interlocutors who talk about personal interests with enthusiasm than those who try to talk about “fashionable” topics without internal interest.
2 Move the focus from yourself to the interlocutor

When we fixate on how interesting or boring we are, we miss out on the most important thing in communication – the opportunity to make a real connection with another person. Paradoxically, the best way to be interesting is to show a genuine interest in the interlocutor.
Active listening techniques:

• Ask open-ended questions that require a detailed answer
• Maintain eye contact
• Use confirmation phrases (“I understand”, “interesting”)
• Rephrase what you heard to show that you are really listening.
• Ask clarifying questions that demonstrate your interest

Psychologist Carl Rogers, the founder of client-centered therapy, found that people value those who listen attentively and show genuine interest. They remember people who are “nice” and “interesting,” even if they say very little.
3 Train your storytelling skills
The ability to tell stories is one of the most valuable communication skills. The good news is that it can be learned. Neurobiological studies show that stories activate more brain regions than facts and statistics, making information more memorable and engaging.
The structure of a fascinating story:

• A lead. An intriguing beginning that attracts attention
• context Minimum necessary information about where and when the action takes place
• Conflict or challenge The problem or obstacle that gives the story its momentum
• The culmination How the situation was resolved
• Conclusion What it means or what it taught you.

Start with a simple exercise: Write down one interesting story from your life every day – a funny incident, an unexpected discovery, or even a failure from which you learned a lesson. In a month, you will have a collection of 30 stories to share in the right situation.
4 Get rid of comparing yourself to others
Often the fear of being boring is amplified by constantly comparing oneself to particularly charismatic and sociable people. We see people who easily start conversations and hold the audience’s attention, and we think we can never be that way.
It is important to understand that charisma and sociability have many manifestations. Someone attracts attention with loud laughter and vivid stories, and someone with deep knowledge and thoughtful comments. Still others have the ability to create a comfortable atmosphere and show empathy.

Psychologist Susan Kane, in her book Silence: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, highlights the value of different types of communication and how quiet, thoughtful people can be just as interesting and influential as extroverts.
5 Develop your horizons
The fear of appearing boring is often associated with the feeling that we have nothing to offer in conversation. The best cure for this is to constantly expand your horizons and be interested in different areas of life.
Simple ways to enrich your experience:

• Read a variety of literature - from popular science books to fiction works of different genres
• Listen to podcasts on topics that intrigue you or about which you know little.
• Visit new places in your city or travel whenever possible.
• Try new hobbies and activities, even if you are not sure they will work for you.
• Communicate with people from different fields and cultures

Studies show that people with a broad outlook not only have more topics to talk about, but also easier to find common ground with different interlocutors. At the same time, it is important not to strive to become an expert in everything at once – sincere curiosity and willingness to learn are much more valuable.
6 Learn to accept discomfort

The fear of being boring, like any social anxiety, will never completely go away. And that's okay. The key to success is to learn to act in spite of discomfort and gradually expand your comfort zone.
Exposure therapy techniques:
Create a “fear ladder” – a list of anxiety-inducing situations, from the least to the most frightening. Start with the simplest steps and gradually move up the stairs, giving yourself plenty of time at each stage.
For example:

1. Ask the seller a question in the store
2. Maintain a short conversation with your neighbor
3. Speak at a working meeting
4. Meet a new person at the event
5. Tell a story in the company of friends
6. Give a small message to a group of people

Metacognitive therapy, developed by Professor Adrian Wells, suggests paying attention not to the disturbing thoughts themselves, but to how we treat them. Instead of fighting the “I’m boring” thought, you can learn to notice it and let it go without letting it control your behavior.
Conclusion
Fear of appearing boring is not a sentence, but just one of the manifestations of social anxiety that can and should be addressed. Remember that “interesting” is not an innate quality, but a skill that can be developed.
Start small – show a genuine interest in others, develop the art of telling stories, expand your horizons and gradually move out of your comfort zone. Over time, you will notice that the focus of your attention shifts from worrying thoughts about your own boredom to the real pleasure of communication.
And most importantly, be yourself. Authenticity and sincerity attract people much more than trying to conform to someone’s ideas about the ideal interlocutor. After all, the best way to be interesting is to allow yourself to be interested: in life, in the world, and in the people around you.

Glossary
Boresophobia is an obsessive fear of appearing as a boring interlocutor or storyteller. An informal term derived from the English word "boresome" (boring) and the Greek word "phobia" (fear).
Active listening is a communicative technique that involves full concentration on the words of the interlocutor, understanding not only the content of what was said, but also the emotions of the speaker, with the subsequent demonstration of this understanding.
Social anxiety is an intense fear of social situations in which a person may be judged by others. Anxiety that others may negatively evaluate a person’s behavior or appearance.
Metacognitive therapy is a direction of psychotherapy that focuses not on the content of negative thoughts, but on the processes of thinking and the person’s attitude to their thoughts.
Exposure therapy is a psychotherapeutic method based on the gradual controlled encounter of a person with situations that cause fear or anxiety in order to reduce the emotional response to them.
Authenticity is the coherence between a person’s inner experience and his outer expression; authenticity, sincerity in self-expression, lack of desire to appear as someone else.