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Modesty vs Self-realization: How not to be held hostage to your virtue
When modesty becomes a cage: The science of quiet rebellion
The paradox of virtue: Why "not leaning out" is dangerous
A Harvard Business Review study found that 68 percent of employees who describe themselves as “modest” get a promotion 37 percent less often than colleagues. But how do you distinguish healthy modesty from self-limiting behavior? The answer lies in neurochemistry: an excess of serotonin with the constant suppression of ambition creates the illusion of comfort.
5 Signs of Toxic Modesty
- The closed circle effect: You rewrite your email 7+ times, removing mentions of your achievements.
- Impostor syndrome: Even after success, say, “I was just lucky” (which is typical of 82% of women in STEM, according to Nature).
- Financial blindness: Refuse to ask for a bonus even though you know the market price of your skills.
- Diplomacy at its own expense: Always give in to arguments, even with facts.
- Cognitive dissonanceYou feel guilty when you are praised.
Metamorphosis: How to turn modesty into a tool
Psychologist Albert Bandura proved: self-efficacy Increases productivity by 48%. But this requires a bridge between the inner potential and the outer world. Build it in 3 steps:
- Anchor techniqueBefore an important event, remember your 3 real achievements (even small ones).
- The 20/80 rule for modesty80% of the time listen, 20% - make a reasoned statement about yourself.
- Game of Contrast: In negotiations, first voice someone else’s idea, then add: “To complement what was said, I developed ...”.
Case: Maria's story
A software engineer, who worked in the shadows for 8 years, started a Diary of Influence, documenting how her solutions change the product. After 6 months, she showed recordings at the performance review - she received management of the department.
Glossary
Self-efficacy
Belief in the ability to achieve goals through managing your own actions
Impostor syndrome
Psychological phenomenon in which a person devalues his achievements
Cognitive dissonance
Mental discomfort in the conflict between real actions and self-esteem
Philosophical summation: Modesty is not the enemy, but it needs a controlling stake in your personality. As Nietzsche said, “He who cannot command himself will always be a slave.”
