My mother called and told me that relatives were coming to me, I could have kept quiet, but this time I decided to do something different. Bashny.Net

Many psychologists are now overwhelmed with the same problems from their clients. The topic is not new, but it probably comes up too often. How to Defend Personal Boundaries Talking to relatives? The thing is that in our ever-changing world, certain dogmas that have been very stable for decades, if not centuries, often collapse. The old generation is used to certain norms of communication and does not want to accept any changes.



Peels Young people, in turn, are used to a different type of communication. They dislike when they are pushed or referred to their authority, based only on the question of age. Today, the average city man must spin like a squirrel in a wheel, just to be afloat. Therefore, he does not have time to observe some etiquette imposed from the outside. And it all turns into a real headache. Yesterday you greeted your boss and slapped him on the shoulder, and today you have to curtsey the second cousin alcoholic uncle you've seen a couple of times in your life. No wonder many people are annoyed by this.

If you think about it, the first happiest day of my life was the day I moved to the city. As a girl who was born in the countryside, it's hard for me to convey this to you, but I can't stand all this fresh air, silence and work in the garden, without an end and an edge. I know there are people who will disagree with me, but I am. Give me access to the Internet, a pack of burgers, a room, even the tiniest, and I'd love it.

So you probably wouldn't be surprised that my number one goal was to buy a city apartment. And that goal was fulfilled six months ago. I had to work hard, deny myself everything, take out a loan. But now I am the owner of a small Khrushchev almost on the outskirts of the city. And you know what? It was the second happiest day of my life. Because I got hooked and now I can live like I always dreamed.

Parents, I confess, were not happy about it. They wanted me to stay with them in the same house. I found a local groom and continued the family tradition: he works at the enterprise, and I spend days cleaning, cooking, washing, raising children. In general, as it has been for centuries in our history. Service staff, with a gold ring on their finger. That's what I'm really afraid of.

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My mom is constantly calling and demanding my attention and help. He and Dad are fine, though. There are no questions for my brothers. They left long ago and started their families. But I, the only daughter, have a special demand. I tried different ways to explain that everything. I'm living my life. If I need to help you with something significant, I will. I just don’t have time for all this nonsense. I'm working and building a career. Excuse me.

But no, no one gave me that right. Thought... Of the latter, there was one illustrative case. My mother called me in the morning and in the usual way for herself put before the fact that Aunt Lida and her son will come to you for a couple of days. Don't worry, they have a cot in their car. Nikita needs to go, and there is no place to spend the night. I arranged for her to stay with you. During the day, they will probably be at the institute, and at night somehow squeeze, not strangers.

They will take food with them, potatoes, tomatoes, cucumbers. All fresh, just picked. So you'll benefit, and you'll help them. Just help them bring it in. Nikita's a weak one, she won't tell.



That's it. My mom paused after that, not to hear my real answer, but to hear me say yes, of course. I tried to answer that I would be uncomfortable, I was not expecting guests, I am a mess and everything. But my mother, as always, did not respond. I tried to make a joke, and then when I realized that I was really going to refuse, I began to push morally. I remember some of my childhood misdeeds, about my duty to my parents and so on.

I refused again and hung up. I've never actually done that, to be honest. But there has been so much work lately that the internal forces that normally hold me back are simply lacking. Mom called me again, and then again. Eventually, I got a message on my phone saying she already said I agreed. And by 8:00 p.m., I'll have my family. I mean, I was confronted with a fact.

At 8:00 p.m., I was at my door. And waited another half an hour until the Tetkin "Zhigul" appeared on the horizon. Aunt Lida looked at me, hugged me and began to tell some local news about people I do not know at all. Nikita got out of the car second and only shyly looked at his feet. I could see that he was not at his plate. Knowing the character of his mother, it was not surprising.



When my aunt wanted to unload her garden treasures from the car, it was as if I had clinked. I asked her to stop and told her I couldn't take them home. Looking into the wide-opening aunts of my eyes, I said without hesitation that I now have a man in my apartment. So the two of them better stay at a hotel nearby. Yeah, my mom called me this morning. But there's such a bad connection in the village that our call broke down. And there was no way to call her back: bad communication, no signal.

I even offered to lend her some money just so she could stay a few nights somewhere else. But Aunt Lida refused, said they had the money. After all, if you come to the city from the village, you must definitely go shopping. But she's sad that they can't be with me as relatives. I said yes, that's sad. But maybe tomorrow, after work, we can sit in a cafe.



I quickly sent Nikita all the necessary addresses on the phone and they left. That's it. I couldn’t believe my family would react so calmly. I was expecting, I confess, a scandal and screaming all the way up. But it was different.

My mother called the next day. Of course, she did not shelter relatives, betrayed her family, in short, committed a mortal sin. What to do, do not ignore it all your life. I got the phone. I heard my mother's voice from the phone. She said hello, asked how you were. I answered standard, it's okay. My mother asked me what kind of young man I had at home last night. I said it didn't matter and imagine she agreed! I apologized for asking my personal questions.

We talked nicely for another ten minutes, without shouting, interruptions or any ultimatums. It was unusual. And then, when my mother said goodbye, I already realized that I have an adult, independent daughter. From now on, I will treat you with more restraint. But please give me a serious answer to a serious question. When will I see my grandchildren?



Peels Conclusion: Mom will always be a mom. And even if she stops thinking of you as a child, as an adult, you still have to obey her. Only this will concern some more serious topics. In fact, nothing will change. Now, I don't know. Where can I find a date?