Why the obedient daughter stopped communicating with her mother and how to get her back

There is always a special bond between mother and daughter. And this is normal, because it is impossible to imagine people who would be closer to each other. But sometimes relationships develop in the wrong way, leading to a complete collapse. And motherhood It is unbearable for my daughter. But the opposite is true.

Today's edition. "Site" The story of a young woman who owes everything to her mother. Despite this, the relationship did not work out and interrupting the relationship was the only way out. Who's to blame?



I was exactly the daughter that every woman dreams of: obedient, caring, hardworking. My mother raised me this way, and the people around me did not tire of congratulating her on the fact that she coped so well with my upbringing. But I, a good and well-mannered girl, broke off communication with her. And although many continue to condemn me, this act I had to go, said 38-year-old Lisa.

In the wedding photos, my parents seem happy. Mom gave birth quickly to tie her husband to her. But the marriage broke up after 4 years. Whether it was her maniacal desire to control everything or the reason for it in another woman is still unknown to me. But this failure, which is what she called her failed marriage, hit her self-esteem hard.”



I, her daughter, constantly reminded her of that failure. A project that ended in failure. Life with my mother was not easy, because she tried to make me the perfect daughter. One that no one is ashamed to show.”

“I was given to dance. I was not happy about it, the classes did not bring me pleasure. But she did not dare to contradict and obeyed. I did not find any special talent, I did not take first places in competitions. In the end, the mother gave up, deciding that bad men and children are born stupid. Another failure.

Daughter or main culprit? “I was finally the cause of all her troubles. I was the explanation for her problems with men and the ticket to lonely old age. From her I learned that I have a back “like a cabman” and an inconspicuous face. And from my appearance in almost any dress, she contemptuously raised her eyebrow and pressed her lips, says the young woman.

“Her passion for control manifested itself in everything. When I was 15, I had to pack only as she had indicated, and she regularly checked my pockets and bags for any “forbidden” items. The latter meant not only cigarettes, but even gum and notes from boys.”



So, she said, she prepared me for a dangerous and challenging adult life. But even today, when I look back and evaluate my life, it seems to me that my greatest difficulty was it.

“Yet I cannot call it insensitive, callous or evil. She just didn't know how to be kind. Perhaps the reason for this is her difficult life. Raising a child alone was difficult at the time. And when my peers considered bread and sugar a treat, we had meat, butter and other shortages at home. I could go to paid mugs and dress well.”

“That was not enough for me. I was jealous of Svetka’s friend, for whom her closest friend was her mother. And I also wanted to just sit with my mother in the kitchen, drink tea with sugar, not condensed tea, and listen to her stories about her youth, about friends and classmates. I wanted her to pat me on the head and smile. But my life with my mother was different. She believed in other values.”



Can Time Change Everything? – Nothing has changed over the years. I got married, but my mother was dissatisfied: the husband is so himself, the work is hopeless, and we should not have children at all. And yet I had a daughter.

The baby seemed to me the most wonderful in the world. But the new grandmother immediately determined that her granddaughter’s hair was too fluid, and her ears were just as protruding (like mine), and she was no different (like me).

“In spite of everything, my mother demanded my attention. I had to see her every week. I should not have come, as in my address immediately poured accusations of ingratitude. The appearance of the child did not bother her. She continued to think that I was eternally indebted to her, and therefore had to think first of her and then of everyone else.”

The last straw was her “genius” idea to sell our apartment with her, as she wants to buy a smaller house, and invest the rest of the money in the business of his friend.

“I had to sign the documents. In the meantime, my mother planned to stay with me and my husband. The prospect of living with my mother under the same roof again made me rebel. My arguments that it was stupidity, which could leave her without money and without housing, did not convince her.”

“She accused me of ingratitude. Said I was just waiting for her to be gone to take over the apartment. It was too much even for her. I said everything I thought, but never dared to say.



“I walked home as if in a fog.” My daughter was cranky in her wheelchair, and I yelled at her right on the street. She cried even more than she made me angry. At home, I uttered harsh words to my husband from the threshold and defiantly closed myself in my room.”

“Then I could not sleep for a long time. I was ashamed of my husband. I was especially ashamed of my daughter. It was as if I was already living this moment, only in the place of the frightened and crying child was the little me.

“That night I realized I didn’t want to poison my life anymore. I don’t want to hear my mother’s reproaches and arrogant reasoning about how stupid and empty everything is. I stopped answering her calls, stopped visiting and bringing groceries. She has a roof over her head and a steady income, she's definitely not going to be lost. And if anything happens, my cousin promised to let me know.”



By the way, only my sister, husband and close friend supported my choice. Relatives, learning that I do not communicate with my mother, ended the relationship with me. Even unfamiliar people react painfully. I see how, when I find out that I don’t keep in touch with my mother, they change their attitude towards me. The change is for the worse.”

“I can't convince them. I cannot tell everyone the story of my life. No, I do not take revenge on anyone and I do not punish anyone. I'm not proud of what I did. But I want to protect my family (and especially my daughter) from what I went through. My life has finally ceased to be like a battlefield. And that's the main thing, Lisa concluded.



It is a difficult story, but it eloquently shows that even relationships between the closest people can be destroyed. And this does not require any intrigue from outsiders. It is enough to be an unbearable person to be alone.

In a relationship, it is not money, clothes and delicious food in beautiful tin cans that are important, but warmth, understanding, support. This should be remembered when you have to sacrifice time with your family for the sake of additional earnings. Perhaps, instead of money, you can give your family something more.