How to wean yourself from accusations and allegations

Accusations of a good family is prohibited!Household charges many acts — attacks, criticism, slander, censure, reproof, petty accusations, the expression of dissatisfaction: "You're always! Why you? Because of you!".






Reproaches and accusations — the manifestation in the first place piffle, and sometimes internal problems in any case, the frequent causes of quarrels and conflicts. Domestic charges can be academically defined as a hasty blaming the other, but it's easier to call them conflictogenes and dirt in communication.

About any charges easily answer the question "Why?" and it is difficult to answer the question: "Why?" — unless, of course, to answer thoughtfully and honestly. Bright charges can attract external sympathy, but kill the good relationship between you. Deliberate charges can be a well-deserved punishment of the guilty, but the rash only cause protests and mutual accusations. If you beat the charges you are on your strike you get the answer mutual. Educated people with good, the closer the relationship between household charges do not use.

Accusations of a good marriage is prohibited. Completely. No reproach neither husband nor wife can not be. If women are attentive and really care about family relationships, they are on tape recording their conversations with her husband. And then listen to – and if there were criticisms and accusations?

Dear women, this does not mean that the husband is sinless, not at all. If there is a question you (for example) without reproach sit next to him and say, "Mother, I have a question for you for discussion." This is not a reproach, it is a question, this proposal, which you think it necessary to discuss. The style of discussion may be different: the discussion can be soft and warm, the discussion can be very hard, ultimate is any. But it's not the accusations that are thrown, it's the questions that are put up for discussion. And now the man understands that this will not resolve the question posed, and no other topics will not be discussed because the issue should be resolved.And then - to discuss and agree on the future.

There may be other options: requests and suggestions, description of his condition, to understand the reproaches not, and instead of accusations and recriminations — many other, perfectly acceptable ways to reach out to the person next. As it is possible to negotiate?

What is the charges?If the conversation at least something can be achieved, instead accusations it is better to use the construct in the first place requests and suggestions. Instead of "Why are you sitting there, me in the kitchen." sounds better: "please Help me, in the kitchen, we'll cook Breakfast!". Heavy "because Of you we're late!"can be replaced by: "I Have a favor to ask — next time prepare your stuff in advance so we are not in a hurry".

In dealing with women and children good work I message, if a standard situation changed more difficult, it makes sense to use a scheme competent critics and algorithm for conversation about difficult relationships.






How to wean yourself from prosecution?To wean ourselves from reproaches and accusations - it's really hard, and the main difficulty is that we them do not notice. We are simply told about their dissatisfaction, it is natural for us as "share", and the fact that for a person close to this reproach, we had not thought of. If we do not notice that we can read as many clever articles, but subject to change we will not.What to do?

The first is from the obvious and usual charges (such as most of us have), elementary educated person to wean themselves still possible. Make yourself a list of your "why do you like always?", "How many times have I told you",all these formulations will learn and hang in a prominent place (maybe in the kitchen?) as a reminder to myself. Additionally it is useful to ask someone from relatives or friends to watch over you.

The second is the most serious approach. Stand the system step-by-step development of the individual. Work six months, will become another person, change your communication and your life.

How to teach family members to communicate within to Teach loved ones to communicate in the framework is not a simple task, often leading to increased tension and conflict. The worst the contentious is an identification of another of his conflictogenes!

However, this task is not a dead end, the decision she has. If you love your loved ones and really want to help them, all in your hands! published

 

Author: Nikolay Kozlov

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind - together we change the world! ©

Source: //www.psychologos.ru/articles/view/upreki_i_obvineniya_-_zaprescheny_vos_zn_

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