Why do we hear and understand NOT what we say

Many people have the belief that you can know what feels and wants to do with me other people.

I would in this post wanted to divide flies and cutlets.

It is true that we can read non-verbal reactions of other people. But by reading them, we give them their values and invest in their meaning.


For example, the other man suddenly frowned. I can think of:

— he frowned, because this is his reaction to my words here and now;

— he frowned, because in connection with what I said here and now, in his mind surfaced, something that makes him frown;

— he frowned, because that saves me a grudge;

— he frowned, because I disliked him;

— he frowned, because he wants to show me his attitude to me.

— he frowned,... (the list is endless).

Phenomenon is the fact that he frowned.

That he feels, only he knows.

That makes it those feelings — only he knows.

He thus wants to tell me (and wants?) — only he knows.


So we can really see the reaction. But the value we can give or not give yourself. True value knows only the author of the response.

All of the values that we attach to the behavior of other people, talking about us and that:

— if I were in his place, I would have frowned at such and such a reason;
I usually frown when experiencing such feelings.

There is a TV series "lie to me". I don't like it because there is idea that all the emotions people Express the same. Since I had to live among different social and cultural groups, I have the experience proving, that people can Express MIME (I'm not talking about the action) the same emotion different way. For example, contempt may be confused with disgust, embarrassment with joy, fear with surprise.

The danger of such confusion? The fact that interpreting what happens with another person, we begin to communicate and not respond to his true reactions, and their interpretation of his reaction.

And then there is the lack of mutual understanding/misunderstanding:

— you wanted to hurt me!
— and in thoughts was not!
— you don't care about what I experienced!
— I'm only thinking of your words!

For example, in childhood I was often accused of indifference, just because I didn't react immediately to what he heard, and pondered his first. And I really spent a lot of effort to prove to others that I'm alive and warm, and not seeing emotions in other people, I as well as my parents, people accused of indifference. Now I can arrogate to itself the right to think and slow reaction, and in this regard I can give to another person the right to not Express emotions immediately. This is very much change the relationship between people.

The conclusion is clear: relations were clear, to make it easier to interact with other people, it is important to assign your own interpretations to take responsibility for their attached values, and to afford their own ways to respond in order to allow others to be themselves. This approach allows us to be interested in the reactions to each other, hear each other, to come to an understanding, and with all this to be yourself in a relationship.


Also interesting How your "annoying" to all and tell all about you

When I stopped to listen to unsolicited advice...

And about the meaning of relationships, how I see it. When the relationship dependent, they hold that people require from each other to meet their needs (and that is why they are destroyed). When a person finally assumes the responsibility for the care of the self, the meaning of relationship is changing — important are those relationships in which I can be myself with unique reactions and feel safe. That is the meaning of relations between the two self-sufficient (independent of people), I see the development of trust and secure comfort zone.published


Author: Anna Paulsen


P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©

Source: anna-paulsen.livejournal.com/457779.htmlc


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