Brothers and sisters, causes of family conflicts between children
Who of us in childhood did not quarrel with their peers, brothers or sisters?
Brothers and sisters, children of the same parents or, as psychologists call them, siblings. How often from children who have seemingly the same genes, grown in the same atmosphere, grow up completely different people. In many families, brothers and sisters in the childhood constantly argue, fight and hate each other.
Parents often believe that with time the situation will change and, as adults, children will no longer be in conflict and become friends and family. Sometimes it happens, but most childhood conflicts smoothly flow into adulthood, and become much more serious. Why, it would seem that the native people – brothers and sisters – sometimes for whole life and can't find a common language?
The family grows two or more children from a certain age there's a struggle for "a place under the sun" – the struggle for attention and love of parents, for personal space, for things. The appearance of brother or sister leads to the fact that the eldest child (especially if the age difference is small) for a long time, is at a loss why adults are touched, looking at this screaming creature, robs mom all the time and effort that until recently belonged only to him.
Even the best parents with the advent of a second child can not be given to the senior as much time as they would like, and that is classic jealousy of the senior child to the younger.
Senior are constantly being told that he was a senior, even if the age difference is very small that he is obliged to give way, obliged to take care of Junior. Junior grows up, and eventually begins to notice that, in comparison with the senior, he is considered ignorant by silly that he's not allowed some of the things that dozvoleno older.
There is competition for the approval and attention of their parents, and this struggle is often one of the children tends to put themselves in the best light, and "rival" – with a bad hand.
Children grow up, but the rivalry for the love and approval of the parent remains, however, and enters another plane. Adult brothers and sisters (often without even realizing it) looking around at each other, constantly compares: who has a higher position who earns more, who has better family who will take care of elderly parents, to decide what will remain of their parents ' estate after their death, etc., etc.
The hidden children's resentment settled in my heart, do not give rest to an adult, sophisticated people. According to psychologists, one of the main reasons why in many families, "brother against brother" goes to war, is, unfortunately, errors of education, which in adulthood to fix, alas, is almost impossible. Parents its wrong behavior in conflict situations themselves lay the Foundation of envy and unhealthy competition.Here are the most common mistakes, not thinking about consequences, making many parents:
STOP words in communicating with children — quickly, efficiently and smoothlyShame and fear: WHAT are we passing on to their children
- Often the birth of a second child leads to the fact that the senior is moved to the second plan;
- Secretly or openly prefer someone from the children who love him more;
- One of the children is constantly taken as an example;
- Parents constantly compare children.
This constant comparison, this competition runs through life, it would seem that the most close and native people, and so exhausting that may eventually lead to the complete rupture of relations.
To fix something in the current situation it is very difficult, that's why it's so important to learn to be a parent.published