The worst thing a parent spell

If you are a good girl and excellent student/student:

• you're okay with a career: a good position and high salary;
• you are all right with the family: in any case, it is available and you are not going to divorce;
• you are extremely competent in all;
• you are beautiful and well kept, or not, but beautiful and well-maintained your family your efforts;
• you work with the most difficult tasks, the most whimsical clients, the most difficult projects and doing "excellent»;
• you never get tired, and go to bed only when very sick, and ache you feel ashamed;

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© Gabriella Barouch

And at the same time:

• you almost always feel shame, guilt and responsibility to all and for all, do not distinguish between these States, not able to care for themselves or to pleasure yourself without guilt in front of others or family;
• hard, burning with shame, bring your own errors; hard to take criticism and survive it for a long time;
• not remember a little; you always like a real adult;
• bad and rarely say "no" and not really distinguish when you are uncomfortable, long-suffering and not immediately go;
• when talking with parents you boast achievements, and they praise you, criticize or evaluate something else;
• you rarely tell relatives, especially parents, about the failures, problems, diseases, injuries, pain, and other things like in your life this almost never happens;
• do not ask for help, do without the support of other people;
• never look ridiculous, avoid stupid or game situations, too shy to fool around and carry bad when I make fun of you
• if you have all this, or have some of the list of stable States, and thus you feel successful and okay, but don't feel happy, then with high probability your parents broadcast you this mantra: "we need you to be proud of".

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Why your parents had you broadcast it, the question now on the twenty-fifth.

What in your life happens and what not happens and what you could be facing a spell?

Usually in life of the person receiving such a message is no life. Avoided risks, aimless pastime, action, adventure, reckless behavior.

And here we can't afford spontaneity, immediacy, restlessness, levity, relaxation. We are bound, wooden, we have a sore back, head, shoulders, neck and stomach.

That message received his child translates as "we won't love you if you:

• sick and cease to be functional;
• not going to regularly give us a reason for pride in front of friends and neighbors;
• do not try to divorce — your marriage should be only happy;
• you will be fired. You can't get fired, as such not bona fide be fired;
• fail any kind of accident before the robbery;

 

Such a message also drags a tail of threats and liabilities:

• we need you to be proud of, so we're not going to support you — support the weak; do not look for support;
• you are responsible not only for themselves but also for us/for all (another "mother's spell»);
• don't come to us with problems, we don't want to know about it.

 

If you dare to complain or merely say "we got divorced", you either point to some "equitable circumstances" from which it appears that you are to blame; or the communication is strange crashing and you not seem to hear, parents get distracted, switch to another theme, do not give not only support, but any General feedback.

I call the spell "we you should only be proud of" one of the most terrible and destructive because each time with the victim of this spell happens to be living life, she feels ashamed.

Living life consists of different, not just good, they sometimes smell bad, betray, deny, and deceive, there disease, disaster, bad days and even years, and the recipients of this zagliani doesn't even come to mind to feel sorry for themselves: they want through the earth will fail, that they just like the simple death of Lucy Pupkin (her own spell, most often "you are worthless"), there is a pimple on the nose, a divorce and fall in a puddle. "Well, are you all right?"a few and a studied indifference, or, on the contrary, it is with great expectation, I ask these parents, and we are silent and do not tell the truth even to myself.

Rebellion against such spells usually in the form of an unbelievable amount of indignation, anger, pain, bitterness, and resentment when we shouted out in the phone or in person to parents — "aren't you interested in how I got things actually!?"that moment when we realize that for many months not talking about his dismissal, divorce, fears and troubles.

 



Regardless of the appearance: the 10 qualities that make a person attractiveThose we love and those who hate it — all our mirrorsIn fact, parents are usually interested in how business really is. But the fact that this spell is often combined with "you are responsible for us too, if you're so good at it", or "in our family there are no losers." In the first case the parents don't know about you, such a strong and successful from infancy, to help, and they should be taught.

And in the second they usually survive such a burning shame ("we're not good enough parents, you bad"), it becomes clear that they never had such support and do not know how to give it to you.published  

 

Author: Yulia Rubleva

 



Source: ulitza.livejournal.com/1073312.html