Short stories

I do not work once under Moscow in a highly secret institute. One of our employees returned from a trip to Baikonur and among other interesting facts reported that there are so few women, as they say local - "per woman of 10 meters * y # in a bucket of eggs ..." laughed ... We started to work ... .a of the head does not go out this remarkable fact. But since all people, scientists, education, and not one, someone said thoughtfully: - Is it true that 10 meters is necessary bucket ???
 All threw their important scientific work and do calculations. And how it was interesting! All the secret department of the Institute all day doing chores such as collecting baseline data, ie determine the average size (how many there were disputes - one shy to say out loud the size in centimeters, so that others did not obsmeyat), the calculation of the volume of the ellipsoid, even entered the "coefficient" laying in a bucket. Then he remembered that this factor - something non-linear, because the top will put pressure on the bottom !!! Even taken into account the shape of the bucket.
 In general, the end of the day the result was obtained - a little more than half a bucket turned ......
 And at this time the whole country expect from the new victories of Soviet scientists in space !!!


1989. Vaclav Havel visiting George. W. Bush. George Bush decides to boast of America's nuclear arsenal, and leads him to the secret room, show remote control missiles. They comes in the room, there is a table, and on it are three buttons - red, blue and green.
 Bush says:
 - Look, Vaclav, I have a three-button remote. Click the green - and a particular country fucked.
 Havel such:
 - Cool.
 Bush continues:
 - But if you click the blue - can any continent entirely destroyed. Havel:
 - Cool.
 Bush goes on to say:
 - Well, if you click on the red - all over the world fucked up, except America.
 - Cool, but it is all garbage.
 Bush surprised this:
 - And why?
 - Well, see, my mother in law had a big house in Prague. In it were three toilets. One silver one - gold and one platinum. So when the Soviet tanks rolled into Prague, it is crap in the middle of the corridor.


8-35. Moscow. Check on Krasnopresnenskaya Embankment. At the traffic light is green color Daewoo Matiz, her VAZ 2106, apparently was once white. Behind the wheel Matiz Semihvostova Vera is her first independent tour of the city. At the helm Shahi Garik Pervolosyan, bombed with seven years of experience.
 The green signal. Vera tries to engage first gear, but damn it is impossible. She is nervous, looking at the traffic light, something nasty in the mirror at Tooting and Morgan entire headlamp only six, and frantically pulls the lever. Finally, she says that it is necessary to squeeze the clutch and a sigh of relief, gets under way. Slyly winking yellow light otzheg red. Vera is not up to him, clutching the handlebars and leaning forward a little tense back, she looks at the road.
 Garik all traffic lights in the mouth fucked, but they themselves, and not be seen through the glass covered with mud Wheel. He goes on instruments. At the rear lighting equipment ahead going vehicle.
 "Oh, and it included a turn signal?" - Faith almost completed the turn.
 "Bilyad !!!" - says Garik rapidly approaching the right Gazelle simultaneously presses with all the dope on the brake and be amazed.
 9-10. Sales of a famous Moscow firm. Quite spacious room, a lot of people, and more women. Included Vera.
 - It is necessary, in the car and was late! - She is so excited and in a hurry to share the impressions that he forgets to say hello. - Place in the parking lot could not find! - Oh, and you drive ?! Herself?!?! - The first office responds her best friend Marina. - Yeah! - Joy and rushing out of his chest. - Herself!!!
 - What do you mean! And I could not probably - Natalia, the deputy secretary. General but fuck both hold a conversation. - How many times have I offered to teach, and I am afraid.
 - When I first sat behind the wheel, I thought ... - Vera Ivanovna, fat aunt forties with traces of terrible yesterday on his face, tried to quickly find a synonym to the word "obosrus" but except for "finish" did not go to his head. - And the exams in the SAI's just ... - she decided to change the subject, but again podvisli on a pair of "ass-fucking."
 - Examinations horror! - Vera came to the rescue. - When I was taking there ...
 - And the car? The car where? - Tactlessly interrupted Marina.
 - Yes, that's just under the windows! - Vera proudly rushes to the window, followed by a dozen women being undermined.
 This same time. Moscow, Krasnopresnenskaya embankment.
 - Fuck what I PVCs Ghawar brother silenen pesda paehal I paehal. Then this bitch bilyad Gazel Minh chat abortion. - Garik sighed and stared at the dull friendly traffic police inspector.
 - Traffic lights which burned? - He repeated the tired.
 - What svitafor brother, I Ms Chiba s what language Gavar, silenen pesda paehal I paehal. Then this bitch right bilyad Minh abortion. Right abortion pameha I told him, yes?


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