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TRUTH to say her child or to hide?
Once, when I haven't had my daughter, I came across a discussion of one situation. The little girl's mother wrote about how the daughter asked her about the homeless kittens in the doorway, why they have no home. To which the mother replied that in kittens, of course, have a house, they just came out.
With great surprise I read a lot of supportive comments. All "friends" of the author approved of this act and mom wanting to protect daughter from experiences.
Around the same period I came across another story. Dad a little boy had brought his son to the window, pointed to people who were walking or riding, talking on the phone, Smoking, and so on and said, "Look, son. This is a world in which a lot of people. And you none of them needed. None of them will come to you for help. You're in the world alone and can only rely on yourself."
The comments under this post are not just surprised, but rather shocked me. "The audience" support the Pope, seeing in him a desire to raise the boy a "real man" "without rose-colored glasses".
Of course, I also wrote. In the first case I asked timidly, and that, say, if the girl to tell the truth and stay with her until she is faced with the imperfection of the world and their feelings in this regard. In the second I (too shy) I noticed that I for example, live in a world where I help where I'm needed.
In the first story, I was accused of purposely desire to cause the child pain, and the second is that I live in the most rose-colored glasses, and actually other people, I just feel like me.
Now my daughter is five years old, and never ceases to amaze me how differently distort the perception of the world parents their children. Surprising and strange, we can solve for yourself the question "what to tell children and what not." Than we follow? Their own distortions, of course. Their illusions about the world, their fears, gaps, biases.
For someone the world is unfriendly, hostile, there is no care and help. For someone the world is perfect, it may not be a stray kitten.Deciding what to tell you about the world, we share your perception of the child.
In my opinion, there are topics to talk about necessary. In this case, it is necessary to speak: a) free, b) carefully. This is a difficult topic. Such as death, sex, loss. And so many other things that most of us give rise to unpleasant feelings. Pain, fear, shame, anxiety, resentment, anger, disgust. These feelings and prevent us from talking with their children.
The point is that before you tell the child about the homeless kitties, you need to be prepared for what they are. Be prepared for your feelings in this regard.
By analogy, to tell a child about death and to help to survive and to accept their mortality , if only you took the fact that you did precisely when you will die. Not just understand it with his head and had the "pleasure" to deal with all the horror, fear, anxiety and pain in this connection, to live and live.
By analogy, free to talk with your child about sex is possible, if you are without inner conviction love him and not think something dirty. If for you sex is not associated with vulgarity, filth and as a consequence, shame and ban, then you and your child will be easy in this thread.
By analogy, we talk about the loss (divorce, broken toy, moved the other) to help the child to live is possible only if you are able to be in this pain. Avoid offense and suffering – of course, in this case, in the world of your child they will not.
Well, not, it would seem that with the fact. Well. The child lives without pain, without suffering, without loss. Living in a world where nobody dies, where do all the kitties have a home. Must be his happy childhood in the end, and so on.
That may be so. But if to interfere with the child to develop in a timely manner, then it will be much harder. It is much harder to deal with mortality in 30 years when you did not know how to do. You can, of course, from her habit of running away. You can run long, some run life. It would be like to live on a rainbow and hard to notice only one color.
The color of death – he's not black. In fact, after the horror and pain the awareness of mortality comes very much. As, for example,incredible value to my life, every minute.
Many of us probably grew up in the Soviet family — in a country where "no sex" as there is no dirt. As if sex is something vile, that should not be allowed on the threshold. As a consequence many men and women ashamed, do not know how to deal with his sexuality, locking her inside along with a variety of diseases or to scatter it, not knowing how truly beautiful sexy dress, not associating sex with filth.
I know families in which death is not discussed. Found dead animals in there "asleep". I know families in which children do not know that their parents are divorced. I know a family where the word "sex" taboo. I know families that can't cry, can't be angry. I know families where the parents never swear in front of the kids and terribly proud of it.
I know a family where, on the contrary, stories and honesty abused. Where the mother in a divorce tells a child about how bad his father was. Where to have sex at the younger child. Raising those "real men", distorting the world, making it worse than it really is.
Nobody can give right answer about what to tell the child what to hide. Everybody decides this question for himself, starting, as I wrote above, my feelings and thoughts.
As for me, it's very important to be Frank with the child and help her to deal with different "colors" of life, to live the encounter, not to run from them.
When the daughter asked me if she dies too, someday (dead birds), I said, "Yes." Once my daughter realized that since I was born before her, I die early. We sat with her in the hallway on the floor and roared together. When he died the country neighbor, I took Maya by the hand to show her, looks like death. She begged me. Before she saw death only in animals.
But at the same time, when a little kitten at the cottage mother-in-law tore up dog, I couldn't tell Maya. I said I gave it to other people. The dogs have a kitten is too much for me, I'm not ready to accept this fact, I myself prefer not to believe this.
See also:
The most powerful magical word to achieve cooperation with the child
Parenting from mommy millionaire: 6 useful tips
This is my basic idea – share with your children what you yourself accept as part of life where you are ready. And share if you find it difficult. Just do it consciously. Realizing that you just can't. Not because "a child shouldn't know."
In fact, the child is much more important to know about how people die and how to live loss than the names of distant countries and planets, the English alphabet, what did the people a thousand years ago or anything teach children that has so little relation to their real life baby.
If you feel difficulty in some topic is a sign that this topic you first need to survive.published
Author: Anna Zhulidova
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Join us in Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: slovomame.ru/article/2083#
With great surprise I read a lot of supportive comments. All "friends" of the author approved of this act and mom wanting to protect daughter from experiences.
Around the same period I came across another story. Dad a little boy had brought his son to the window, pointed to people who were walking or riding, talking on the phone, Smoking, and so on and said, "Look, son. This is a world in which a lot of people. And you none of them needed. None of them will come to you for help. You're in the world alone and can only rely on yourself."
The comments under this post are not just surprised, but rather shocked me. "The audience" support the Pope, seeing in him a desire to raise the boy a "real man" "without rose-colored glasses".
Of course, I also wrote. In the first case I asked timidly, and that, say, if the girl to tell the truth and stay with her until she is faced with the imperfection of the world and their feelings in this regard. In the second I (too shy) I noticed that I for example, live in a world where I help where I'm needed.
In the first story, I was accused of purposely desire to cause the child pain, and the second is that I live in the most rose-colored glasses, and actually other people, I just feel like me.
Now my daughter is five years old, and never ceases to amaze me how differently distort the perception of the world parents their children. Surprising and strange, we can solve for yourself the question "what to tell children and what not." Than we follow? Their own distortions, of course. Their illusions about the world, their fears, gaps, biases.
For someone the world is unfriendly, hostile, there is no care and help. For someone the world is perfect, it may not be a stray kitten.Deciding what to tell you about the world, we share your perception of the child.
In my opinion, there are topics to talk about necessary. In this case, it is necessary to speak: a) free, b) carefully. This is a difficult topic. Such as death, sex, loss. And so many other things that most of us give rise to unpleasant feelings. Pain, fear, shame, anxiety, resentment, anger, disgust. These feelings and prevent us from talking with their children.
The point is that before you tell the child about the homeless kitties, you need to be prepared for what they are. Be prepared for your feelings in this regard.
By analogy, to tell a child about death and to help to survive and to accept their mortality , if only you took the fact that you did precisely when you will die. Not just understand it with his head and had the "pleasure" to deal with all the horror, fear, anxiety and pain in this connection, to live and live.
By analogy, free to talk with your child about sex is possible, if you are without inner conviction love him and not think something dirty. If for you sex is not associated with vulgarity, filth and as a consequence, shame and ban, then you and your child will be easy in this thread.
By analogy, we talk about the loss (divorce, broken toy, moved the other) to help the child to live is possible only if you are able to be in this pain. Avoid offense and suffering – of course, in this case, in the world of your child they will not.
Well, not, it would seem that with the fact. Well. The child lives without pain, without suffering, without loss. Living in a world where nobody dies, where do all the kitties have a home. Must be his happy childhood in the end, and so on.
That may be so. But if to interfere with the child to develop in a timely manner, then it will be much harder. It is much harder to deal with mortality in 30 years when you did not know how to do. You can, of course, from her habit of running away. You can run long, some run life. It would be like to live on a rainbow and hard to notice only one color.
The color of death – he's not black. In fact, after the horror and pain the awareness of mortality comes very much. As, for example,incredible value to my life, every minute.
Many of us probably grew up in the Soviet family — in a country where "no sex" as there is no dirt. As if sex is something vile, that should not be allowed on the threshold. As a consequence many men and women ashamed, do not know how to deal with his sexuality, locking her inside along with a variety of diseases or to scatter it, not knowing how truly beautiful sexy dress, not associating sex with filth.
I know families in which death is not discussed. Found dead animals in there "asleep". I know families in which children do not know that their parents are divorced. I know a family where the word "sex" taboo. I know families that can't cry, can't be angry. I know families where the parents never swear in front of the kids and terribly proud of it.
I know a family where, on the contrary, stories and honesty abused. Where the mother in a divorce tells a child about how bad his father was. Where to have sex at the younger child. Raising those "real men", distorting the world, making it worse than it really is.
Nobody can give right answer about what to tell the child what to hide. Everybody decides this question for himself, starting, as I wrote above, my feelings and thoughts.
As for me, it's very important to be Frank with the child and help her to deal with different "colors" of life, to live the encounter, not to run from them.
When the daughter asked me if she dies too, someday (dead birds), I said, "Yes." Once my daughter realized that since I was born before her, I die early. We sat with her in the hallway on the floor and roared together. When he died the country neighbor, I took Maya by the hand to show her, looks like death. She begged me. Before she saw death only in animals.
But at the same time, when a little kitten at the cottage mother-in-law tore up dog, I couldn't tell Maya. I said I gave it to other people. The dogs have a kitten is too much for me, I'm not ready to accept this fact, I myself prefer not to believe this.
See also:
The most powerful magical word to achieve cooperation with the child
Parenting from mommy millionaire: 6 useful tips
This is my basic idea – share with your children what you yourself accept as part of life where you are ready. And share if you find it difficult. Just do it consciously. Realizing that you just can't. Not because "a child shouldn't know."
In fact, the child is much more important to know about how people die and how to live loss than the names of distant countries and planets, the English alphabet, what did the people a thousand years ago or anything teach children that has so little relation to their real life baby.
If you feel difficulty in some topic is a sign that this topic you first need to survive.published
Author: Anna Zhulidova
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Join us in Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: slovomame.ru/article/2083#
