10 phrases that are made of a notorious adult children

Family psychologist Svetlana Merkulova said that even a carelessly thrown phrase can greatly effect on the psyche of the little man. Therefore, in dealing with the child should be carefully chosen words and expressions of some mothers and fathers do better to forget.

«I was your age she studied at the excellent" From birth to 6 years of mom and dad for the baby - it is almost gods, who know everything. They form the ratio of child to the world and to themselves personally. Specifically, in this phrase, you can see the competition parent with a child, he seems to be saying to the child: "You are to me, never will not reach! No matter how you tried, I'm better than you. " Children who have grown up with this setting, usually a lifetime proving the family, they are good. Of course, saying things like that, you really stimulate the narcissistic part of the child's mind, which provokes him to achieve certain goals. But the trouble is that in the end the person achieves something not for themselves, but for mom and dad, so they finally saw that he was worthy of them. Growing up, these children never enjoyed his success, joy comes only in the event that a parent recognize their achievements, but it is unlikely to do.

«You are my chicken, monkey, piglet" As soon as any call their children loving parents. All this leads to the depersonalization of the child, it would be like, but there is some kind of toy with which you can do whatever your heart desires. At the beginning of your life is your son or daughter of any spoken word will be taken uncritically, they will trust you. Say to the child that he is a fool, instead of "Do you need help, let me explain," and the child will accept it. Here is an example: my mother said to her son, that he is a coward in the educational impulse. As a result, when meeting a boy presented as follows: "My name is Ivan Ivanov, I am a coward." When you hear the like - this should be an incentive to reflect on how you deal with your own child. The man's name - is its presentation of the world. In some families, it turns out that it is pushed and come up with plenty of fun names for the child, but in vain! Name should always be in the foreground, it is the way people will later feel in this world, as it will be intact. If you are often called a daughter or a son or a yo-hen, you like to bite off on its behalf (by his personality) pieces

«Look, Katie five per quiz, and you - four". Most parents all make the best of intentions. Do the parents a child is likely to have had this experience, and then they say, "Do not worry, I also said so, but I grew up, look how wonderful I am." They were able to "forget" how it hurts when mom or dad you reject and say thus: "Katya better than you." This is a very painful experience, which is often the children suffer in their adult life. This Katya they then begin to hate. The child is always unpleasant when it is compared with someone else - with a classmate, brother or sister. These are grown men always continue to compare themselves with others, and not always in their favor.

"Once you acting, I do not love you" or "I love you, only when you're right for me." After this sentence the child begins to try our best to be right, he pushes all their needs and desires, "grow" a kind of antenna that guessing the desires and expectations of parents. As a result, the child does not exist. He tries all the time to please in adult life, living with the installation of "I want to be loved, and for this I have to please. I will not have his desires, but the desires of other people will be "

" Do not disgrace me! "In other words, the parent says." You're my shame. " Children who often hear such a phrase, very much want everyone to see what they really are, thus, if they get someone's attention, you do not know what to do with it. They hide, closed, lost. Such a child as if there is no choice, he could just be someone else's shame. Saying something like, you injure your own kid.

«You're just like my father (mother)" Of course, this phrase illustrates Pope relationship with my mother, their dissatisfaction with their life together, they take out on the child. That is, the couple did not directly find out the relationship, but after their child say to each other some nasty things. And all these bad things are in the child. If the mother says, "You're as stubborn as your father." It turns out that my father - a poor person with whom it is impossible to negotiate. Now, think about whether the boy wants to be the man, because he is stubborn and bad? When we project their bad attitude to children, they have to live with it. On the other hand, in this phrase, he could hear the overtones that "girls are better than boys." Parents use this manipulation, if there is a fight for the baby, and he had to choose a side or dad or mom

"Do not mess doesh - will be weak and stupid," I had a girl friend who always said. "If you do not doesh hlebushek, it will run over you all night. " As much as it may sound funny, but she was terrified of bread, that is, parents have the opposite effect. Similar phrases - it is also pure manipulation. Very often they are used and grandparents who experienced hunger as a child. Then they are passed from generation to generation, unbeknownst to us. The child may develop a similar expression of fears or very difficult relationship with food, her cult, weight and so on.

«You will not behave themselves, we'll give Uncle (babayke)" This is a very specific message in which It states that a child is valuable only if it is convenient to my parents. Parent translates to the child: "Do not be yourself, you have to be the way you are satisfied with us." Growing up, these children do not know what they want, and try to please everyone.

«Houses get!" This is about the fact that the parent has the right to do with the child anything without referring to his senses. In a second mum or dad turn into a parent-warden, who punishes or forgives. Children often hear such expression in his address, difficult are the relations with the authorities, as a parent figure as if glued to the figure of the chief and the man begins to fear the boss and wants to please him, not to be punished. But as a rule, the management feels this attitude and in response begins "Ridicule" such subordinate

"Go away, that I have not seen and not heard" Translation:. "You ruined my life, get lost! You should not be. " And then a child lives with a deep sense of guilt to a parent for the fact that he interfered with the parent to live happily.

We have to be cautious with such statements, because people can carry their cargo lifetime. Generally, before something to say to your child, you need to think twice. Many adults do not hear what they say, it would be useful at least sometimes hear yourself from the outside. Now there are a lot of gadgets, write your speech carefully and learn how you refer to their child, what words say it. I assure you, you will make a lot of discoveries and, perhaps, not the most pleasant.

Author: Svetlana Merkulova