30 lessons of selected British humor

The British have always been famous for their sophisticated and refined sense of humor.
Shaw British comedians differ sharp jokes, sometimes black, but always aktualnymii and memorable. They say simply and funny about the man, his problems, fears, desires, habits and pleasures.

< Website quotes gathered the most famous British comedians.

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I do not know what I want, but I know that I want it now.
Dylan Moran
- In men, there is no memory. Women have, so there is a civilization. The woman remembers what you said it 17 years ago! Even the way you looked at it this morning!
  Dylan Moran
  - But there were times when a man was a man and could confidently express their authoritative opinion on a matter about which he knew nothing .
    Dylan Moran
  - I drank tequila with friends. It does not even drink. It is a way to call the police without the phone.
    Dylan Moran
    - The men look at breasts as women look at the kids, "Oh, how lovely!»
      Dylan Moran
      - You say the child ", it's time to sleep Time to sleep, go to sleep." The child hears something quite different: "Lie down in the dark! For a long time! And do not move! I close the door! "Dylan Moran
        
        The love of money can not buy, but for them it is possible to take a good chocolate ginger biscuits. Strong >
        Dylan Moran
        I do not have the courage to answer the question whether I really shy.
        Benny Hill
        When God created man, glasses have not yet been invented, but look where it has placed our ears!
        Benny Hill
        Some people, eager for immortality, but do not know what they would do if it starts to rain on Sunday.
        Benny Hill
        Friends! I do not call you ladies and gentlemen, because I know you well.
        Benny Hill
        - She only thinks about money and - money, money! That's all she want from me!
        - And what it does with them
        ? - I do not know, I do not give them to her.
        Benny Hill
        
        He's strong as a bull. And almost as smart.
        Benny Hill
        You lived life with a capital "F»!
        Benny Hill
        - you are not afraid, that he runs for women
        -? You know, my dog chases cars. But even if we catch up, behind the wheel of something he did not sit down!
        Benny Hill
        
        The fact that no one complains, still does not mean good as parachutes.
        Benny Hill
        
        A citizen detained by police at city hall and got three months for hooliganism, plus three years for leaking state secrets. He used to call the mayor a fool.
        Benny Hill
        I hate half-hearted people. Although not sure ...
        Jimmy Carr
        - Describe yourself in three words
        . -. Smart, active, intelligent, attentive
        Jimmy Carr
        I'm not arrogant. I'm too busy thinking about the things that you do not understand.
        Jimmy Carr
        What to do if you met on the nature of the bear? That's right, pretending to be dead. Do you know why? Because that's how you'll look in a minute. Just to avoid wasting time.
        Jimmy Carr
        I was driving in a taxi. The driver drove the car and whistled. He had a wonderful mood. "I love my job - he said. - I am my own boss, no one I do not decree ... "I said," Turn left "
        . Jimmy Carr
        The end of the film wrote that all the characters are fictitious, and any resemblance accidental. But why it was to write in the "Lord of the Rings"? Someone probably wanted to rest in New Zealand, but was afraid that would ruin everything orc army.
        Jimmy Carr
        If your wrinkle cream works, why you still have fingerprints?
        Jimmy Carr
        The danger could be my middle name. But my middle name - John
        . Eddie Izzard
        Phone - amazingly rough stuff. It's like: "Immediately talk to me!" If you break into someone's office and knocked on the table with the words: "I will make noise until you answer" - this would be considered a monstrous coarseness
        . Stephen Fry
      - - You know how I hate intellectuals
        . - You mean, you hate all who are smarter than you
        . - Well yes. Probably because, Tom, I love you so much and.
        Stephen Fry (The book "Liar»)
      - Education - the result of what students learn each other in the breaks between lectures and seminars
        . Stephen Fry
      - Light travels faster than sound, and perhaps this is the reason that some individuals seem to us a brilliant, yet not open his mouth. < br> Stephen Fry
      - - You now surprisingly late, Healy
        . - Well, you know, sir, is surprisingly better late than never
        surprisingly. Stephen Fry ( "Liar" book)
        
        According to the materials: itmydream, livelib
        Photos on the preview: BBC Wales
        
        via www.cultbox.co.uk/reviews/episodes/sherlock-2016-special-review-the-abominable-bride