Family psychologist Svetlana Merkulov said that even a carelessly thrown phrase can greatly effect on the psyche of the little man. Therefore, in dealing with the child should be carefully chosen words and expressions of some mothers and fathers do better to forget.
"I was your age she studied at the excellent" From birth to 6 years old Mom and Dad for a child - it's almost the gods, who know everything. They form the kid's attitude to the world and to themselves personally. Specifically, in this phrase, you can see the competition parent with a child, he seems to be saying to the child: "You are to me, never will not reach! No matter how you try, I'm better than you. " Children who have grown up with this setting, as a rule, the whole family lives prove that they are good. Of course, saying things like that, you really stimulate the narcissistic part of the psyche of the child, which provokes him to achieve certain goals. But the trouble is that as a result a person achieves something not for himself but for mom and dad, so they finally saw that he was worthy of them. Growing up, these children never enjoyed his success, joy comes only when parents recognize their achievements, but it is unlikely to do.
"You are my chicken, monkey, piglet" As soon as any call their children loving parents. All this leads to the depersonalization of the child, it would be like, but there is some kind of toy, which can do everything your heart desires. At the beginning of your life is your son or daughter of any spoken word will be taken uncritically, they will trust you. Say to the child that he is a fool, instead of "Do you need help, let me explain," and the child will accept it. Here is an example: my mother in a fit of educational told his son that he is a coward. As a result, when meeting the boy seemed so: "My name is Ivan Ivanov, I'm a coward." When you hear such - it should be an incentive to think about how you deal with your own child. The man's name - is its presentation of the world. In some families, it turns out that it is pushed and come up with plenty of fun names for the child, but in vain! Name should always be in the foreground, this is how people will then feel in this world, how it will be intact. If you often call the son or daughter of chicken or devils, how would you bite off on its behalf (by his personality) pieces.
"Look, Katie five per quiz, and you - Four" Most parents are doing everything with the best intentions. Do the parents a child is likely to have had this experience, and then they say, "It's okay, because I also said, I grew up, look how wonderful I am." They were able to "forget" how it hurts when mom or dad you reject and say thus: "And Kate better than you." This is a very painful experience, which is often the children suffer in their adult life. This Katya they then begin to hate. The child is always frustrating when it is compared with someone else - with a classmate, brother or sister. These are grown men always continue to compare themselves with others, and not always in their favor.
"Once you acting, I do not love you" or "I love you only when you are right for me." After this sentence the child begins to try my best to be right, he pushes all their needs and desires, to "grow" a kind of antenna that guessing the desires and expectations of parents. As a result, the child does not exist. In adult life, he tries to please all the time, living with the installation of "I want to be loved, and for this I have to please. I will not have his desires, but the desires of other people will be ».
"Do not disgrace me," In other words, a parent says, "You are my shame." Children who often hear such a phrase, very much want everyone to see what they really are, thus, if they get someone's attention, you do not know what to do with it. They hide, close, lost. Such a child as if there is no choice, it can only be someone else's shame. Saying something like, you injure your own kid.
"You're just like my father (mother)" Of course, this phrase illustrates the relationship of father and mother, their dissatisfaction with their life together, which they vent on the child. That is, the couple find out the relationship is not directly, but through their child say to each other any nastiness. And all these bad things are in the child. If the mother says, "You're as stubborn as your father." It turns out that my father - a poor person with whom it is impossible to agree. Now think, if the boy wants to be the man, because he is stubborn and bad? When we project our bad relationships on children, then they have to live with it. On the other hand, in this phrase, he could hear the overtones that "girls are better than boys." Parents use this manipulation, if there is a fight for the baby, and he had to choose a side or dad or mom.
"Do not mess doesh - it will be weak and foolish" I had a girl friend who always said, "If you do not doesh hlebushek, he will run for you all night." As much as it may sound funny, but she was terrified of bread, that is, parents have the opposite effect. Similar phrases - is also pure manipulation. Very often they are used and grandparents, who faced hunger in childhood. Then they are passed from generation to generation without us. The child can develop such an expression of fear or very difficult relationship with food, her cult, weight and so on.
"Will you keep behaving badly, we'll give you my uncle (babayke)" This is a very specific message, which states that a child is valuable only when it is convenient to their parents. Parent translates to the child, "Do not be yourself, you have to be the way you are satisfied with us." Growing up, these kids do not know what they want, and try to please everyone.
"Houses get!" This is about the fact that the parent has the right to do with the child anything without referring to his senses. In a second mom or dad turn into a parent supervisor who punishes or forgives. Children have often heard a similar expression in his address, difficult are the relations with the authorities, as a parent figure as if glued to the head of the figure, and the person begins to fear the chief and wants to please him, not to be punished. But as a rule, the management feels this attitude and begins to answer "Ridicule" of the slave.
"Go away, that I have not seen you or heard" Translation: "You ruined my life, get lost! You should not be. " And then a child lives with a deep sense of guilt before a parent for what he interfered with live parents happy.
We have to be cautious with such statements as a man can carry the load of their entire life. Generally, before something to say to your child, you need to think twice. Many adults do not hear what they say, they would be helpful at least sometimes hear myself. Now there are a lot of gadgets, make a note of his speech and carefully examine how you treat your child of what the words say it. I assure you, you will make a lot of discoveries and perhaps not the most pleasant.
Author: Svetlana Merkulov
Photos in the preview: Igor