Various funny stories

I learned then in 10th grade, and came to the military enlistment office to get registered. Eccentrics have near enough. One of them made the following: in the office of the medical commission, which was Manik with bulging eyes (do not know what they got out of :)). This eccentric snatched one eye, put it exactly w% PU, and when the doctor told him to get up "cancer" and push you understand that, then he nearly fell off his chair. He saw something like this: it faces backwards guy and his w% of nN stares at him some eyes. But that's polpobedy - with the guy said admirable phrase, after which all were about 20 minutes, "the doctor! And I see you »...

 - In the mid-80s in the studio "Ostankino" was a recording of the program "Good night, kids." In those days it lasted 15 minutes, so there's time to take part various famous people - children's writers, actors, singers. At this time, the transfer of the bard invited Sergei Nikitin. All took their seats - one at the table who are under the table - and the recording is started. Efron said hello to Aunt Lina, Piggy and sirloin, something told me to sing nursery rhyme brief. Then Phil asked:
 - Uncle Sergei, but what you have, in addition to the songs do?
 - By profession I am a biochemist, and the songs - my passion.
The conversation takes Piggy:
 - Oh, how interesting! And what it is - a biochemist?
 - Biochemistry - the science that studies the material from which made living organisms. You, Piggy, from which it is made?
The late, Natalia Derzhavin, who spoke for Piggy, thought for a moment and said cheerfully:
 - Pork!
Shooting resumed only about 15 minutes ...

 - In one house officers, even in Soviet times, put a piece of Civil War. The level of understand - all can speak only from the prompter. In the course of the play where the Red Army commander had to go on stage and say, riding it.
And some political instructor occurred to reach a new level of art. Simply, bring a live horse. There is currently a performance, the audience is bored, while in the right place does not leave the commander close to the prompter. People perked up somewhat.
Says the commander of it, and then the horse itch - he falls off in-by! such cast and starts. The hall has fun. Suddenly - what is it? Commander begins to falter. And then it comes to the audience that he pours something right in the booth prompter!
But that is not all. From booth protrudes hand and begins to take a horse .... that the jet was in the orchestra! Here the audience just slipped under the seat ...

 - I went into the lobby I was there all sorts of first-graders, students, flowers, balloons and any other tinsel. Quite simply adjusts to the blessed a nostalgic mood and then I see the poster hanging outside the locker room. The contents thereof plunges me into a light shock (think about the phrase): "Do you want new experiences? Say NO to drugs! »

 - This story was told to me by my papa.Delo was in the days of his youth, when he served in armii.Vmeste with his friend he was in the hospital, where nurses were young girls, and that his friend decided to have some fun of one of them ... He was scheduled to make klizmu.Neposredstvenno before the procedure, he took a mouthful of water, and when the nurse devastated enema Vodicka jet flowed from his mouth ... the nurse was evacuated ...

 - Heavy morning January 1 :) acute attack "Bird" disease (census :). Barely time to run to the white brother. Interested daughter (2, 5 years) has the following. Thirty seconds to observe the process and issues:
 - Dad, well, who is so scat!

 - I worked in the early 90s in the pioneer camp counselor. In what - I will not say, shame ... And there was a toilet, not particularly remarkable, a standard wooden country house with a pit latrine, with a slotted board with a point, all such know. But if you come to this house with a rear hatch was detected there (for Cesspool hose) and, if the flap fold, it was possible to look inside and see the visitor ass sitting on ochke. As soon as the pioneers of this learned, then immediately came up with a joke - a long stick dressed stuffed with sand, rubber gloves and, once visitors inside pioneers sneak to the toilet, threw back the hatch (stink, incidentally, was terrible), and shoved the outstretched glove of right ass sitting on ochke.
Horror !!! I myself fell victim ... indescribable oschuschunie when during a bowel movement you have enough for your ass from the depths of the cesspool as cold as a dead man's hand !!! I almost turned gray !!!
We (counselors) were confiscated this terrible device, but one day, hard drinking, decided themselves to play this joke to someone. They hid in the bushes, waited for the visitor and made all of the above. It turned out to be the wife of the chief of the camp ... I will never forget how, knocking on the toilet door, sped along the central avenue, getting tangled in his pants, and some on the run from fear, 100-pound heart-rending screaming aunt scaring guests at WEEK-end parents pioneers.

 - When I first learned to date, we had such a subject - history of state and law of foreign countries. Teacher at all the world was. We pass ancient Egypt. Prpod tells about the device state structures.
 - Naib - something like assistants of mayors in the modern interpretation of. - (Thoughtfully repeats) "on-and-be" - and as if thinking out loud - I think they are often deceived ...
Followers torn

 - In schools, mass rattles the traditional "last call." Girls go dressy with red ribbons "graduates" through the chest on his shoulder. The food in the "Gazelle". Back to me a young guy sitting with his son (4 years). Facing him sat three young graduates of the full trappings - white shirts, skirts pedophile much above the knee, bows, ribbons. Girly fun and nervous. Suddenly the lad directs serious face to his father's ear and whispered very loudly, pointing at the girls:
 - Daddy, Daddy! Look! Underpants!!! Instantly red-faced guy louder whispers son answered:
 - Hush hush! I see !!!

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