Humor and fun

- Honestly, I can not find you! You are healthy! - The doctor said the patient.
 - And if I'll tell you what sick? You share with me the fee?

* * *

There is a tram in the city. At the bus stop a man comes and sits down on the seat and his head in his hands said bitterly: - E ... ... Th! Yo ... ... Th!
Here women zavozmuschalis: - Man, you allow yourself ?! Here, children, women, stop swearing!
And he does not pay attention, and continues: - E ... ... Th! Yo ... ... Th!
At the next stop comes cop. Baba to him: - That one man foul language! A cop comes to the man: - Man, what's wrong ?!
A man whispered something in his ear cop. Cop - Yo ... ... Th!
Then the other men in the tram - Maybe a mountain you?
Man: - Last year, my wife went to Africa for turputevku yesterday gave birth to 2 Little Indians!
The whole car: - E ... Th ... !!!

* * *

 - What do the Halley's Comet and blonde with a guide to quantum
Physics in the hands?
 - The two meet again in 75 years.

* * *

Evil - is good, which is not for us.

* * *

 - Pilot Ab zade ibn oglu!
 - ...
 - You is control tower!
 - ...
 - We will not see!
 - ...
 - Oh, we will see!
 - ...
 - Oh, we wa ...

* * *

Sushi rabbit - only the restaurant "Santa Banzai"!

* * *

What distinguishes the bank with a rating of "CCC" from the bank with a rating of "AAA"?
The fact that the first customers of the bank in bankruptcy through his teeth
tsedyat "With-a-bitch!", While the latter shocked shout "A-ah !!!".

* * *

About our stock market

1. In the Mexican village came businessman "buy local monkeys at 10 pesos / piece." The monkeys around the sea, all primates rent retail and wholesale for 10 pesos.

2. Monkeys became less, while the businessman said that the price increases to 20. Residents tense, have caught the last, brought, surrendered to 20. The most recent took 25,

3. and then announced that he wants more and has already 50! But he went, and left for himself control.

4. Managing says: "Let us so I give you these monkeys quietly back on 35, and when the boss is coming, you get them for him ... 50" People glad freebies such - nazanimal lot of dough and bought all the monkeys on the back 35.

5. The next day, the manager disappeared behind the boss, and the people left without money, but with the monkeys.

* * *

The beach is found three types of women:
1. Those who swimsuit slips because bust less.
2. Those who swimsuit slips because larger bust.
3. Those who do not bother about the swimsuit and sunbathe topless.

* * *

Review of the work on the photo site: "Still beautiful, the work deserves respect and admiration, but, plz do not spread here over shit like"

* * *

The market in Zelenograd, in the tray from the carton, for whom there is "a person of nationality ..." decomposed goods - socks, tights and so on. N. On the women's pantyhose attached self-made price tag "Panties WOMEN WITH SLEEVES"

* * *

Football match ... nervous game with a lot of violations and a verbal altercation between players. That is one of the players runs up to the judge and said:
 - Mr. Judge, and I was number five on the ## th sent!
The judge calmly:
 - Play, play - no one is in the field before my final whistle will not go!

* * *

A conversation between two Frenchmen:
 - The Good Wife-one in which the husband and lover.
 - I thought it was bad.
 - No, a bad one in which only a lover.
 - I thought it was fallen.
 - No, the fallen one in which anybody.
 - I thought it was lonely.
 - No, a single one in which a husband.

* * *

They talk to two bachelor:
 - Washable wallpaper is definitely a great thing! But they are so difficult to tear off from the wall and push in the washing machine!

* * *

Phlegmatic Swanson tells his friend:
 - Imagine going, I hear someone behind the beat. I turned around, I was.

* * *

The most illustrative film shows that in life you have fewer words and more action are popnofilmy where people are 99 percent of the time are busy, not idle chatter ...

* * *

 - Mom, I made a proposal Sergey!
 - True? And what did you say?
 - I do not know yet. It offers a choice: either it in the bath or in nature ...

* * *

As a child, my mother went to work, and so I was not bored, I included a vacuum cleaner.

* * *

Juice because the good that the plant all the good in the morning.

* * *

One man said to another:
 - Yesterday I was attacked by bandits. They took the purse, watches ...
 - Vasya, but you have the same medal boxing champ !!!
 - Medal they found.

* * *

Listen, Neo, and drove a minute for a beer!
 - Why would I?
 - Well, you have elected.

* * *

The tender for the manufacture of polygraphs won Moscow factory soldering.

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