Separation from parents in adulthood

Separate from parents at 30 or 40
Separation from parents as an adult is a complex process. A person will not only have to realize that he can exist independently in this world. But also to gain understanding, knowledge of what one wants and needs. And get rid of everything that may limit his life and relationships.



Understanding your desires and goals as part of adulthood
Understanding what we want and need is not easy. And these are not just some material things. Every person has needs for emotional connection, recognition, love, friendship. But if a person, as an adult, remains connected to his dad and mom, he has to ask what he needs, he has to be dependent on his parents, he deprives himself of many opportunities for a happy life and relationships.
And when the realization comes that it is so uncomfortable to be dependent, to constantly ask, to be deaf to your desires and needs. A person may find that he has needs, but he does not allow himself to think about them. After all, he is emotionally, financially, physically dependent on his parents. And they are the source of satisfaction of his needs. Then why look for reasons in a failed relationship or career, when you yourself are not the master of your life. You just need to become an adult and separate from your parents.
Separation and fear of responsibility
As you know, the attitude towards oneself and one’s needs is formed in childhood. Children usually make demands on their parents, to which they react differently. Some may not give the child what he wants, thinking that they are pampering him, while others literally dissolve in him. And it turns out that the child learns whether he can expect his needs to be met, and understand that his parents can decide everything for him, as in the second case. Or the child realizes that in order to get something you need to fight. In addition, some parents express their attitude towards the child’s needs in different ways.
For example, they may respond with irritation to a demand to buy a toy. Or they may only respond positively to needs that they approve of. And then the child understands that he can be comfortable for his dad and mom, not irritate him again, so he closes his desires inside himself. Or he will begin to be demanding about the fulfillment of his needs, becoming spoiled and selfish.



But in the process of separation from parents, a person explores his thoughts and feelings about desires and needs, including emotional ones. It becomes clear that in childhood, parents instilled the idea that wanting or needing is unacceptable. And that the parents will be angry. But here it is important to understand that an adult does not need to depend on someone who responds to his desires. After all, you can do everything yourself. Take responsibility for your life. After all, a fear of responsibility for one’s life may live in the soul and succumb to the influence of parents, on whom one is accustomed to rely.
As you work on yourself, a person will begin to understand and realize that all these are negative beliefs. And the lack of close relationships in life was associated with a childhood desire for someone else to satisfy needs.
Advantages of separation
The process of separation from our parents allows us to develop, live happily and comfortably, and understand who we are and what we want. It also allows you to cope with a lot of positive and negative feelings in this world. The more we are able to ask and hear ourselves, the more ready we are to change, to separate ourselves from the influence of our parents, the more chances we have for a happy and successful life. Being an adult is hard, but becoming an adult is even harder for some. But this is only possible if we are willing to do it.
Author: Diana Shcherbanskaya