The dependence on forgiveness: don't ship children with guilt!

I remember when daughter was little and did something bad enough for me she was just talking about it. I couldn't calm down until he zavenovichu it all under the domes.

And she, accordingly, was not enough just to admit guilt, for example, and to apologize. She had something very disproportionate to confess for a misdemeanor.

As I said, it needed wine, it is not appropriate to the offense. Much more than there is inside.

Then took this and think, "What the hell? Why would I do that?".

Well, obviously, they'd hit the mother, its inadequate, guilty and completely lost personal sensors fault.

How much guilt need to respond to the harm caused to another by my behaviour?

Was eternal and inevitable hanging between the two poles. To avoid guilt, to cleave, not to feel. Even where it is quite normal and adequate. Or Vice versa, to wallow in guilt. Perhaps even where this is not normal and inappropriately.

Still regain freedom in this option. Because I know that wine is a very important mechanism for maintaining connections and relationships. Messed up — felt guilt and make amends for the damage. It is a subjective experience, which involved almost all parts of my personality. Feel bodily, evaluate the consequences, emotionally react to something. It's in the healthy adult norm. If the fault were assigned inside next to the adult...

What does it mean?

Relationship with the fault are formed on the basis of forgiveness or unforgiveness. An important ability of an adult to be able to forgive. Forgive!

That child will inevitably be lazy, do bad things and stupid things. Next Adult. He says: "AI-Yai-Yai! Poorly made. But I forgive you! Come to me. I don't banish you for it. Go back to our connection...".

To be able to forgive is the responsibility of an adult.

Along with that, to care, to be available to comfort and so on. All mental structure developed normally.

In the future, the child has the option of guilt in a healthy normal. No neurotic hang-UPS, pathological and somatic otygryvaya hiding the bone.

To forgive is the job of the parent! And not the child!

But whether my family was different, then it is generally the mentality and culture is. We have somehow the fault of the child is not supported by the adult's ability to forgive. But the burden of the child Virovitica, repent and redeems!

And then lebanonvoice to take responsibility not for their guilt at their own school,and for the offense of a significant adult. That is not an adult should have this competence, and the child has something to do with the transfusion of a parent before his arrival to normal. So there is a DEPENDENCE on ME...

Know how to identify stuck, depending on forgiveness of people? They firmly believe in the mantra "we must learn to forgive". There are almost one hundred percent in the personal history of the parents, unable to forgive and demanded from the child redeems some fantastic amounts of non-existent guilt.

And another subtle point. Where the feeling of guilt almost always a logical problem with separation. Because wine is responsible for the opportunity to move away to a distance in the relationship. And inadequate volume — control method first, autonomy from the parent. And then the blame becomes an independent way to be in the link posted...

Author: Julia P. S. Pirumov And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©



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