318
Two scandals – the third suffering
What determines the longevity of marriage?
Mainly, of belonging to one social group, the coincidence of characters, types of temperament.
Equally important is the coincidence of biorhythm: "owl" and "lark" is comfortable at different times of the day, so a twofold increase in the risk of irritation of one of the spouses may provoke an argument.
By the way, a tactic of argument, too, is a risk factor for the bonds of marriage. "Lovers' tiffs are harmless". What a fanatic optimist invented that excuse?
The reason for the quarrel can serve any trifle:
In the heat of a quarrel you can hear the terrible words:
— How tired you are, even though have disappeared somewhere!
— You ruined my life, I hate you!
Steam is released, the altercation had subsided, but remained in the memory of mutual insults. How is it to live? Maybe the "peaceful" time we pretend to be, and quarrel unleashes what is hidden in the subconscious? And the best thing is to end the relationship?
Psychologists advise to distinguish between the quarrel and the conflict.
A quarrel arise on an empty place, to remove the accumulated aggression at the end of the working day or difficult period in life, to "let off steam" from negative emotions. There is an opinion: the frequent quarrels – a clear signal that a rift. Not necessarily! Rather, it is an occasion to think about the culture of communication, especially in the presence of children.
There are people who never argue. But here too not all so is unambiguous: well, if they are wise and supertechina; maybe so emotionally distant from each other, which is absolutely indifferent to their cohabitation?
Conflict – the phenomenon is much more serious and disturbing. It is not a scandal for discharge, it is a war for power, territory. Here a noise-a cry not solve the problem. It is necessary to negotiate, make concessions, compromise.
If, after a stormy argument, it becomes easier, I want to make peace, it is not necessary to keep in memory the harsh words – they're not worth it. And quarrels arising from the conflict exhausted nerves, a heavy stone lay on the heart and transform the life of a family in torment.
Difficult for grownups, and what about the children?!
In the first five years of his life intensively formed traits of masculinity in boys and femininity in girls. If during this period the family is missing a father or a worthy stepfather, the child can later cause serious problems of a psychological nature.
Adolescent girls, who lost in the childhood of the father in relationships with men are showing a lack of confidence, restraint and shyness. In school, they trust teachers to women.
Boys brought up by one mother, have deviant behavior of two types:
- some adopt "feminine" traits: selfish ambition, talkativeness, flirtatiousness;
- others demonstrate an exaggerated "masculinity" combined with the dependence that is commonly seen in juvenile offenders.
The father may be absent for two reasons: either he died or left the family.
It turns out that the reason for the absence of the father significantly affects the behaviors of the child, especially girls, on its further destiny.
This behavior, as studies have shown, is typical. Therefore, many spouses continue to support the obsolete relationship, wanting to protect their underage children from such serious consequences. Or divorce in a civilized manner, while remaining caring parents.
Also interesting: family quarrels lead to depression
10 rules for friendly argument
Over time, the pain of loss or separation ceases. But creating one's own family, the children consciously or subconsciously imitate the behavioral responses of their parents. And very often fail in marriage.
Author: Mila Alexandrov
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Source: inmedio.ru/articles/112039-dvoe-skandalyat-tretiy-stradaet
Mainly, of belonging to one social group, the coincidence of characters, types of temperament.
Equally important is the coincidence of biorhythm: "owl" and "lark" is comfortable at different times of the day, so a twofold increase in the risk of irritation of one of the spouses may provoke an argument.
By the way, a tactic of argument, too, is a risk factor for the bonds of marriage. "Lovers' tiffs are harmless". What a fanatic optimist invented that excuse?
The reason for the quarrel can serve any trifle:
- limp soap in the soap dish;
- Slippers are perpendicular to the Mat, not parallel;
- butter is in the fridge not on the shelf.
In the heat of a quarrel you can hear the terrible words:
— How tired you are, even though have disappeared somewhere!
— You ruined my life, I hate you!
Steam is released, the altercation had subsided, but remained in the memory of mutual insults. How is it to live? Maybe the "peaceful" time we pretend to be, and quarrel unleashes what is hidden in the subconscious? And the best thing is to end the relationship?
Psychologists advise to distinguish between the quarrel and the conflict.
A quarrel arise on an empty place, to remove the accumulated aggression at the end of the working day or difficult period in life, to "let off steam" from negative emotions. There is an opinion: the frequent quarrels – a clear signal that a rift. Not necessarily! Rather, it is an occasion to think about the culture of communication, especially in the presence of children.
There are people who never argue. But here too not all so is unambiguous: well, if they are wise and supertechina; maybe so emotionally distant from each other, which is absolutely indifferent to their cohabitation?
Conflict – the phenomenon is much more serious and disturbing. It is not a scandal for discharge, it is a war for power, territory. Here a noise-a cry not solve the problem. It is necessary to negotiate, make concessions, compromise.
If, after a stormy argument, it becomes easier, I want to make peace, it is not necessary to keep in memory the harsh words – they're not worth it. And quarrels arising from the conflict exhausted nerves, a heavy stone lay on the heart and transform the life of a family in torment.
Difficult for grownups, and what about the children?!
In the first five years of his life intensively formed traits of masculinity in boys and femininity in girls. If during this period the family is missing a father or a worthy stepfather, the child can later cause serious problems of a psychological nature.
Adolescent girls, who lost in the childhood of the father in relationships with men are showing a lack of confidence, restraint and shyness. In school, they trust teachers to women.
Boys brought up by one mother, have deviant behavior of two types:
- some adopt "feminine" traits: selfish ambition, talkativeness, flirtatiousness;
- others demonstrate an exaggerated "masculinity" combined with the dependence that is commonly seen in juvenile offenders.
The father may be absent for two reasons: either he died or left the family.
It turns out that the reason for the absence of the father significantly affects the behaviors of the child, especially girls, on its further destiny.
- The girl, brought up by the widow, more reserved. In everyday life, she avoids contact with men, does not take the initiative in communicating with young men. In memory family entrenched idealized image of the father, with whom other men find it difficult to compete. Mother always says about your father – he is still with them. Any new external familiarity is difficult to overcome this barrier, guarding the tranquility of their lives.
- The daughter of a divorced mother keeps a critical attitude to the father as a traitor who abandoned them. She is looking for a safety next to another man. Wants to move away from home with a heavy atmosphere, to experience a new life. Therefore, it sets in motion its own charm to attract the attention of men and arouse their admiration, initiates the flirting and does not avoid early sexual relations.
This behavior, as studies have shown, is typical. Therefore, many spouses continue to support the obsolete relationship, wanting to protect their underage children from such serious consequences. Or divorce in a civilized manner, while remaining caring parents.
Also interesting: family quarrels lead to depression
10 rules for friendly argument
Over time, the pain of loss or separation ceases. But creating one's own family, the children consciously or subconsciously imitate the behavioral responses of their parents. And very often fail in marriage.
Author: Mila Alexandrov
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Source: inmedio.ru/articles/112039-dvoe-skandalyat-tretiy-stradaet