Usually everything I write is based on personal experience. In this case, the theme is not close to me – I never faced treason face to face. But so many times I've received a request to Express their opinion that it is time finally to do it.
For me cheating is primarily a loss of confidence. To the partner, yourself, present, and future. Familiar and reliable crumbles to dust. The ground was slipping from under his feet. And you get a punch in the stomach that break into thick oil breath.
I can imagine the pain a person experiences, he learned that he had been betrayed. As starts to make noise in the ears, crawling along the spine sticky cold fear spreading throughout your body, the adrenaline numb fingers. As instantly erased everything that was "before," and head throbs only one thought: "Why? Why me? For what? What do we do now?"
How do you can then go to the kitchen to put the kettle on, to continue to live, to work, to solve the case and to wash my socks, buy pasta and buckwheat, to shave my legs? As if all that was keeping you afloat and seemed to be firm and stable, suddenly turned into smoke, which eats away the eyes, the desert burns inside, kills any feelings?
As we now touch the other if he was with someone how to put it back in myself, to afford to bring into your bed, someone else's skin?
I believe that sexual desire does not kill the bad linen, stretch marks or cellulite, but the open spiritual networking and loss of connectivity. Devotional trust is disgust at the level of nausea: please don't touch me, I'm disgusted.And hurt.
Cheating in my view is always a point of no return. The beginning of a new path, the decision which you accept yourself. And this decision cannot be delegated nor friends, nor the psychologist, nor to the Church. Because they do not understand the consequences, you. They shook his head, regret and go about their business. And you have to get out and live.
Probably lucky, but I never had a chance to try the role of a mistress – even being free, I didn't consider married men as a possible object of interest. And no matter in what condition was their marriage fell like a rotten fabric, or have committed adultery. For me, the ring on the ring not just a piece of metal, and taboo, a dangerous shield. Sunsya – and opens the gates of hell: and there
everything goes downhill, and you have
However, I do not condemn those who made a different choice. I am generally opposed to bring in morality – it is too easy to speculate.
In a love triangle suffer all: and who are deceived, and who deceive and who are deceived. So let's put aside this desire to understand everything fast, without understanding: one to hold the head the Martyr's crown, the second to fasten to the wall and shot.
What exactly need is the courage to take responsibility – if you changed, and courage to face the pain – if you have changed. And then have to make a choice that no one has the right neither to condemn nor to challenge:
to forgive, to forgive, to leave, to stay, to live with what happened next or to start with a clean slate.
I am for ruthless honesty with himself and the utmost attention to your own feelings to bypass any framework and requirements "from above". Go away if you don't like. Cheer survive the separation, if you know that you will never be able to forgive.
Even if you have children.
I do not believe in saving marriages "for the kids". Mom and dad remain parents even when they cease to be spouses.
And if both reasonable and appropriate, you will be able to agree on cash assistance, and about the appointments and about decent behavior towards each other.
In my opinion, much worse to silently hate, but to tolerate, never together, not to sleep, but to build a joint life, fastidious to recoil in case of accidental touch, but studiously pretend that "everything is fine".
Because the child once or twice reads the current voltage, and the worst thing is not learning love. And the last in a marriage manifests itself not only through words, but also the light of silence, the volume of morning steps, power closing doors in the hallway, caring trivia, good trivia. Even through how is the plate on the table or rise up the scattered socks on the floor.
I say this as the child of divorced parents. They have been together for 20 years, they have their own families and lives, but I sincerely thank them for what they found the strength not to hurt each other, and I didn't have to grow up in scandals and bickering, under constant cross-fire. I am grateful that I grew up not absorbing it, not accepting the norm.
Let's not prevaricate: unfortunately, most of the cheating and divorce go hand in hand. Latest a mistress, they are threatened by the offended spouse, it scares the children (me, for example, it seemed that I was going to give to the orphanage). But for this and given a language to speak fears.
To tell the child, "no matter What happens, you'll always be love, and my father (mother) – nearby, if not together." To say: "Sorry, I know it hurts to hear it, but I don't love you anymore, and into my life came another man". And to whom I say it, to admit defeat: "Despite the fact that I don't believe that, life is not ended: I have me, and we'll handle it.".
Intuition is always the FIRST THOUGHT!Household parasitism
I don't know if it'll help at least a bit of what I wrote here, – someone, anyone. But if you have something to say, please say it. How experienced. About what their role is visited and a decision was made. Because there are no uchebnikov truths – there is just little life, reflected in millions of stories.published
Author: Olga Primachenko