When you have three kids, the idea that one of them you will not be able to agree, seems absurd. What do you mean can't? Well, and to live it with him?
We all live in thrall to their ideas and their experience. So do I Lived in captivity their ideas and their experience. According to which children must obey their parents, sometimes to indulge, to demand of sweets and pastries to whine, but not for long, and then rapidly improve, well, and then as lucky.
Two children of the three I was given a fully matched my internal list, but to the average girl it was different. The only one of all of us, from childhood, she loves the perfect silence, perfect cleanness and... to all who heard it.
Photo Kate Vellacott
From the moment her daughter began to speak, she, as a Jewish pensioner, always had something to say. "I want you asked me so, not commercials," "I decide where we go, and only me, Why can't you talk to me gently all morning?", "Stop counting! Just convince me!" "Adults don't behave like that: you can't wear a tail and dance!"
Oh, the tone drove us crazy! All the adults in her environment — from parents and teachers in kindergarten to passers-by in the subway. How do you react if a four-year lapwing will read you the riot act about the choice of words in your speech?
We went to a psychologist, we consulted with the pediatrician, we tried not to pay attention, angry, re, doubted myself, gave in and protested. It seems that for five and a half years of life with baby has been tested everything.
The psychologist told me, adjusting her glasses on the characteristic national nose: "You're too soft, mum! Children need authority, rigidity, immutable rules. You haven't given it to her? She will set you to rule."
About the way it was. Child set the rules and we, like petulant during forced to live with a strict parent, I bristle, then suffered. Finally I must have matured more intuitively than consciously changed from three things: physical contact, topics of conversation and leisure format.
Actually, it all started with the physicality — I discovered that two of my children with whom I have no problems, more and more cuddling with us and each other. And accustomed from childhood, and accustom us to the bodily restraint medium once separated from piles small.
Few weeks, I step-by-step "unfreeze" it and was accustomed to touch. Say so taught is taken from the orphanage children — well, looks like I had re-adoption of own child too early. A month later I found unusual: the girl that used expertly stopped all addressed to her tenderness, and began to run up and hug me first.
The second thing that changed were the topics for discussion. For anybody not a secret that in the daily race of trying to catch everything and everywhere, we often switch from kids mode "of signals". "Do it", "fetch", "off", "don't stop", "faster", "be careful" — and even if you're switching from the race home — garden — school — section — house on something like family baking or cartoons, to talk to continue in the same mode.
I became very hard to monitor how and what you talk with children: discuss with them the books, making up stories to tell each other stories. It turned out that the reduction in the number of verbs in the imperative mood in my speech affects the speech daughter.
Finally, we get to the topic of leisure. I will not say that I chose some special, pedagogically verified performances. For this fall quite randomly we saw a Jewish play, staged by the project "Eshkol", one performance in the youth Theatre and attended several parties for "mothers with children". Then I had the insight.
Most of my communication with the children for a long time happened from the point of view of functions. I mean, I hug them when I wipe after a bath or when pulling out of bed in the morning (not when I just randomly wanted). I talk to them often about something that matters right now, what needs to be done immediately, or quickly, or tomorrow (not that cloud looks like a cap from cream cone).
I go with them on children's performances, picking the long ones, to a couple of hours to spend in a dark and quiet space, where it is not necessary to answer questions and talk. I behaved like a typical cold, tired mom.
And I was such a typical Soviet children: clean, washed, neatly combed, with knowledge of English and basic skills of sculpting the bear, but completely devoid of my true presence, if you know what I mean.
This fall I started to choose completely different ways of communicating with them. And completely different ways of leisure. Not the performances, which will give me to shut up in silence (although how do you want this after a whole week of work!), and those, in which together we will dance, conjuring and crawl around the stage a race in ridiculous masks.
I choose films that I watched in my childhood, and choose words that will tell their children about why the music of these movies makes me cry — so we watch "the adventures of electronics", boluchevsky "Alice", "the Tenth Kingdom", which I once discovered with her oldest daughter.
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I choose places where I won't have a chance to stay in the side, and instead of a restaurant with children's entertainment go to the "Printing press" in front of the former Golden Palace and sit on the floor for the first time in 30 years to play with dolls and cars. When I corrected the twisted foot public Barbie, my daughter comes to me and asks: "Mom, where are we going next?" "And where would you like that, baby?" — "I don't know you're a mom, you must decide!" Wow, I say to myself, wow. It seems that this is a breakthrough.published
Author: Maya Bogdanova