If Your child's teasing Bashny.Net

Summer is coming — time dynamic, I travel a lot and meet new people. Unfortunately, they are not always pleasant, and it may happen that you have caught in an unfamiliar team of child offenders appear. He was beginning to tease, and sometimes worse: poison.

Who attracts aggression

You can, of course, dismiss. Do not pay, they say, attention. You don't like your name-calling, right? Well, all forgotten. And it's not working! After all, if man is easy to offend, so he is very insecure — in this lies the main cause of his misfortunes.

Timidity and shyness are rooted in a very early age, when the child in any way instilled the idea that he is not worthy of respect. And when one is not very beautiful day for such a person begin to pour in strikes, he readily accepts them — not even trying to defend its sovereignty.

In the view of people who constantly become the target of ridicule, the world is initially hostile. This setting, combined with the belief in their own worthlessness dictates the style of behavior which is perceived as prone to aggression as the most favored for the outbreak of hostilities.

Indeed, a fighting man, being close to the insecure friend, then meets the gaze of a hunted animal, promises complete surrender of the enemy without any resistance. Stop! This is an important point. Getting no resistance, the offender is likely their attacks will repeat, and the aggressiveness of some children is due to organic lesions of the brain. In order to learn any information, they need a strong emotional outburst — for example, the violent reaction of others to their antics.

DO NOT RUSH TO SYMPATHIZE WITH — BETTER LEARN TO COMMUNICATE

When you see teasing as a child, my heart breaks. But if this baby is yours... However, psychologists say that the worst thing adults can do in this situation is to emphasize the weakness of the child who find themselves in the position of outcast.

Girl teased in the school — house she mourns his bitter fate with their grandmother. That is totally unacceptable. Of course, the child's vital heat of the parent at home, a sense of security, but knowing that the family accept him as he is, from a very tender age the baby needs to gain real experience of dealing with children. And not be afraid of failures!

Don't be afraid to fall. Don't be afraid to be beaten. And if necessary to give the offender the date — Jungian school of psychology believes this turn of events is quite natural. Of course, it is not necessary to heat up the situation and set tolerate the constant humiliation of a child in combat, but it needs to feel your power, and if necessary to be able to stand up for themselves — especially because the fear of being beaten is often worse than the beatings.

Impossible to master the world, holding onto her mother's skirt, but the parents timid children are often inclined to protect their children from too much comrades. In vain! Again, the tendency to fear the people (i.e. autosale) appeared, feed it in any case impossible. On the contrary, it is necessary to invite children to itself, and that the child was not worried about possible trouble, to be close. For example, in the kitchen or adjoining room to their presence not to interfere with the young person to feel master of the situation. He communicates, plays, shares, quarrel, reconciled, self-solving on the job problems — in short, mastering a variety of roles that will be useful to him in life.

THE REVERSE SIDE OF UNCERTAINTY

If the little man never offend, no hits and no name-calling, it does not mean that internal aggression is not characteristic of it: he may restrain himself for fear of reprisal. Or for fear of punishment. Or even afraid to look bad! The child is ashamed of the kind of revenge came up with her abuser that is suffering not because of their deeds, but because of the imagined.

Guilt pressure, and that the internal voltage shoot, you have to let the evil spirits out of the bottle, allowing the child to understand that bad thoughts are not rejected. How? Play, draw, listen to scary dreams and history. Summer on the beach to create sand images of unknown creatures. "Look who I got!" — "Evil wizard!" — "And you?" — "An angry guy". Let aggressive fantasies receive material expression in the form of vague images sandy! The child will be easier, his fears slowly begin to recede, the world will become more harmonious. Together with fears will go domestic violence, when it happens, people will no longer attract humiliation.

Psychologists do not suggest to hide the toy guns what is set for the battle boys and to condemn them for what they are playing in the war: the suppressed aggression accumulates, tormented child, and over time can be transformed into the suicidal tendency. In the game, everything is fun, anxiety expresses itself and comes the ability to get out of difficult situations.

WHAT TO DO?

To help the child that teasing, we must first change its self-image. To develop a sense of security, confidence an adult who is nearby. It is not easy, and without serious efforts of the parents can not do.

First of all let's ask ourselves: what we often do — criticize or praise? One of the tests used by psychologists to determine the relationships between adults and children, the so-called ladder of advantages and disadvantages.

First, parents are invited to draw a staircase negative traits of the child (the top step is the main downside further down the line). Then the ladder of advantages. Around each stage to comment on how often manifests a particular quality. The eyes of loving parents so as the child is several times more than unpleasant.

Did you TRY it?

Children who can't fight back aggressively-minded peers in need of support. But if you give them internal support, they begin to act themselves, and this is the best way out.

No matter how will meet aggression with a child, resigned to the role of victim. It does not matter even, if he answers at all — most importantly, what it will respond in his soul. That means we need to change the attitude towards bullying, which essentially represent vicious criticism. Once that happens, the weapons from the hands of the enemy will be knocked out.

The eternal victim of the attacks, for example, to say: "I don't want to fight, get away. But if the bully is you, why not give back?". Psychologists warn against excessive moralizirovaniya and advice like "feel themselves above offenders" — most importantly, the child acted willingly and not fester resentment.

One of the very famous ways of helping children suffering from vicious criticism of peers, the so-called provocation of aggression. Its purpose is to ensure that the child has learned to fight back — that is, would the interaction that he never solved. In fact a provocation of aggression is a kind of game in teasers — call insulting words have any toy or even a therapist.

I think risky? But the procedure involved is not young punks, not the absolute world Champions in name-calling among preschool and younger school age, and the polite, cultured children who are not able to adequately respond to aggressive attacks of their peers. They never go beyond the bounds of decency. To hear from them a little bit of any turn, a specialist is necessary to incite.

When the internal voltage will result outside and in a safe situation, the child will play with the fact that it hurt, the emotional intensity will be removed. Hanging sword of Damocles the threat of undeserved evil critics will cease to frighten. People will get a new perspective on things, a new way of responding, and if the closest people will support his belief, he will gain internal flexibility and will find their own ways out of difficult situations. published

Author: Marina Kukuliev

P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©

Source: vk.com/love_mama?w=wall-20249656_882029