Attentive parenting: 12 tips from Jon Kabat-Sinn

Early childhood experiences and behaviour lay an imprint on all our lives. How to help children grow up happy, healthy and helpful? How to transform your experience of parenting in the path of awakening? Jon Kabat-Zinn and his wife Maila wrote an entire book about it. And this twelve tips from it.

If we are attentive, if we returned his attention to the present, raising children can be our daily meditation.






1. Try to look at the world through the eyes of your child, letting go of your own view of the world. Try to do it every day, at least for a few moments to frequently remind yourself of who your child is and what he or she faces in this world.

2. Imagine how you perceive your child — what he sees and hears? For example, how does it feel to have you as a parent today, in this very moment? How this change of perspective can change how you hold on your behavior and manner of communicating? How you want to treat your child at this moment?

3. Try to see your children are already perfect the way they are. View whether you are able to be attentive to their independence. Work to accept them for who they are, even when it is especially difficult to do so.

4. Be attentive to the expectations that you impose on your children, and to what extent they actually coincide with the interests of your child. Pay attention to how you speak to your children about these expectations, and what impact do your words.

5. Practice altruism: put your child's interests above their own whenever possible. And then we'll see — maybe there is common ground where your interests and needs can meet. You will be very surprised when you see how many points of contact can be detected with this approach. Especially if you show patience and strive for inner balance.

6. When you feel lost or confused, take a moment and try to perceive what is happening as a whole, shifting all your attention on the current situation, on your child, on you and on your family. This will allow you to go beyond judgments, even correct judgments, and can intuitively feel with all my being, what needs to be done at the moment. If the situation remains unclear, perhaps the best thing to do is to do nothing until then, until she clarified. Sometimes it is better to remain silent.

7. Try to bring a silent presence. Over time it will develop both the formal and informal mindfulness practices, if you will watch how you behave and that is manifested through your body, mind and speech. Listen carefully.

8. Learn to live, being in tension, but without losing his own equilibrium. In the book "Zen and the art of archery" Eugen Herrigel describes how he learned to remain in a state of high tension, not putting effort and not while releasing an arrow from a bow. At the right moment, the arrow mysteriously shoots herself. No matter how difficult, try to be present in each moment without trying to change anything and without requiring a specific result. Just bring all your awareness and presence in the moment. Try to assume that everything that happens can be easily fixed if you are ready to trust your intuition. Your child needs you to be the center of balance and confidence, a reliable landmark by which he or she will be able to determine their own direction. Arrow and target need each other. And through wise attention and patience they are faster than each other discover.

9. Always apologize to your child, even if you are only very slightly betrayed his trust. Apologies have healing powers. They show that you have pondered the situation and came to a clearer understanding, or perhaps help you better understand the point of view of your child. But be careful not to ask forgiveness too often, otherwise, your apologies will lose their meaning. Frequent excuses can become a habit, and then they will become a way of avoiding responsibility for their actions. Sometimes cooking can be a good way to meditate over your remorse. Don't make decisions until then, until the food is ready.

10. Every child is special and each child has their own special needs. We all have a unique perspective on the world. Hold in your heart the image of each of your child. Uberite all his being, wishing him well.

11. Sometimes we need to be firm and be direct towards our children. It has to come more from our awareness, generosity and empathetic understanding, rather than out of fear, bigotry or desire to be in control. Attentive parenting does not involve connivance, carelessness or weakness, but it also doesn't mean you have to be hard and oppressive.

12. The biggest gift you can give your child is yourself. So part of your job as a parent is to continue your personal growth and to develop their awareness. Select the a sufficient amount of time for meditation and quiet contemplation. We have only now, only this moment is real, so use it to maximum advantage for the benefit of your children and yourself. published

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind - together we change the world! © Join us at Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki

 

Source: vnimatelnost.com/2014/04/16/%D0%B2%D0%BD%D0%B8%D0%BC%D0%B0%D1%82%D0%B5%D0%BB%D1%8C%D0%BD%D0%BE%D0%B5-%D1%80%D0%BE%D0%B4%D0%B8%D1%82%D0%B5%D0%BB%D1%8C%D1%81%D1%82%D0%B2%D0%BE-12-%D1%81%D0%BE%D0%B2%D0%B5%D1%82%D0%BE%D0%B2-%D0%BE/

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