Scientific humor

Chemists

- How often you can joke about chemistry?

- Periodically.





Few people remember lab worker Pierre and Marie Curie. Yes, she is strong and not light.



Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender turns around and says: "Sorry, we do not serve the noble gases." Helium does not react.



"I do not know where your uranium».



Physicists

Bloody Higgs boson. He thinks that the world revolves around him.



Schrodinger walked around the room in search of shit kitten, who was sitting in the box neither dead nor alive.



Join the resistance.



A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How do you drink?" The bartender replies, "Do you have enough, you're already so charged."



Tachyon walks into a bar. Bartender him: "Tachyons are not served!" "Strange, - says tachyon - and served tomorrow."



Heisenberg was driving when he was stopped by traffic police. "Do not you know how fast you are going?" - Asked the policeman. "No," - said Heisenberg, - "But I know exactly where I am at this moment."



Mathematics

- What is the "B" in the name of Benoit B. Mandelbrot?

- Benoit B. Mandelbrot.



When a mathematician dancing ...



Alex always had suspicions ...

Biologists

"The day of the 19th, I finally made my professor smile. Now he writes in his notebook something every time I'm drooling. " Pavlov's Dog.



Programmers

Only 10 types of people: those who understand binary system, and those who do not understand.



- Why bit system is 32, 64, 128, 256, 512, 1024? - Well, it's so easy! Look. Do you for example 1000 rubles. Or, for good measure, 1024 ...





Psychologists

- How much Freudians to screw in a light bulb? - Two. One will twist the bulb and the other to keep ne * is ... Oh, that is a father ... Oh, that is a ladder.



About all

Biologists, chemists and statistics went hunting. Biologist shoots a deer, but misses to the left five meters. Chemist shoots deer, misses the bullet stuck in the tree five meters to the right. Statistics: "We shot him!»



Physicists, mathematicians, and engineers were given the task to find the volume of a red rubber ball. Physicist ball dipped in a glass of water and measure the volume of liquid displaced. Mathematician measured the diameter of the ball, and calculated the triple integral. The engineer took from the table "Table volume of red rubber balls" and found the value.



Biologist, engineer and mathematician sipping coffee on the patio, and notice that on the other side of the street went into the house two people. After a while, the house has left three people. Biologist: Two paired, multiplied and left the house three. Engineer: No, just our initial observation of an error! Mathematician: You're both wrong. It is necessary to wait until the house will enter another person and he will again be empty.



Einstein, Newton, Pascal, and play hide and seek. Einstein said, in the meantime, Pascal and Newton have to hide. Pascal escapes and successfully hides, and Newton is not going to run anywhere. Instead, it draws around itself a square on the ground. Einstein opens his eyes and says - Newton, just like you would find! - Nothing of the sort - he says - You found Pascal! Pay attention to the ground - one newton per square meter!