Israeli themed jokes

Tel Aviv City Hall opened to the public bomb shelters. The first hour -
20 shekels, each next 15 minutes - 7 shekels.






Hamas has proved that a woman can still get together out of the house
less than a minute and a half.




I do not understand the Arabs. Why spend millions on a rocket, and then repair our house for 10 shekels per hour? Where is the business plan?




Poor rocket - flew 70 kilometers and did not find parking in Tel Aviv




 - Do not know what a terrible in siren: stay in the apartment or go to the stairwell and find the superintendent, who do not pay for six months.
 - And I've always said that the shelling Gush Dan organized superintendent.
Never before has our house manager was not so easy to put together all the tenants
House at the entrance to the meeting.




Palestinian rocket exploded in Tel Aviv in an open area.
This news excited the construction contractors - in the "city that
never sleeps ", still have the plot!



Thank Hamas! At least someone got me engaged in morning
jogs.



Hamas monitors the health of Israelis. Put them on a diet missile -
rockets in the morning, afternoon and evening jogs to bomb shelters.
HAMASutra: Bend over, obuytes and run to bomb shelters.



Brazil has shown interest in the "Iron Dome" (This missile defense system sounds in Hebrew - Kipat Barzel). Want to install it on the gate instead of the goalkeeper. Called "Kipat Brasil».



And now for the weather: in the central regions is expected to partly
Cloudy with "hail».



What are you doing tonight during a siren?



Siren. Elderly couple should run to the shelter. Wife hesitated.
 - Tzipi faster! What are you looking for?
 - I can not find false teeth.
 - Here meshugine! You think they're on Gaza throw at us sandwiches ?!



Airport workers decided to go on strike in protest against
that the threat of a strike disrupted HAMAS airport workers.



Emmmm? Do I understand correctly that we have sent to Gaza in the morning 200 trucks with metal pipes (for construction, of course), sugar (yes, for food) and nitrate (fertilizer only)?



Israel fired a missile "Fajr-5" ... decided not to respond and wait "Fajr 5-S»



 - Hello, I'm about the barn.
 - You made a mistake, it's a missile base.
 - No, you were wrong.



A resident of Ashdod Pasha failed casting in a bomb shelter.



In July, we do not go to the beach, because there are jellyfish and missiles.



2% of Israelis are afraid siren alarm, 3% of Israelis are afraid of missiles, 95%
fear that the alarm would find them in the shower.



Man - Girls: You're not going to the shelter in this form.

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