The most disastrous Hollywood crafts

There are among us those select few who know how to use "Wikipedia". So I mustered the courage found her small but instructive list of the most spectacular financial failures of the film industry. I was surprised to find that a number of the works of the top ten I was not that he did not see - but not even heard about the add.

Immediately spent working on the mistakes and correct gaps in education, otsmotrev all the leaders of the list of losers. If you are too lazy to turn the same - you can find a brief report of what he saw.

This is a review of Oleg Bocharov ten most unprofitable films in Hollywood history, which is better not to remind him at the meeting. ))
10 films

1. Cutthroat Island
The losses adjusted for inflation: 147 million. Dollars [next]

If the word you Carolco Pictures imagining something long and good, not deja vu shooing a fly swatter. Really I lived and prospered such a nice film company that gave us the "Rambo" and the second "Terminator". In that light it sent "Cutthroat Island" the most disastrous film in film history - a proud with this diagnosis, he was listed in the "Guinness Book of Records».

To understand what's wrong with this movie - I swear - it is difficult, even though I tried my best to find fault, but admitted powerlessness in the criticism. "Cutthroat Island" - really strong, hardened, well stuck together all the standards and patterns adventure attraction. Well, with the stars in it tensed, one Gina Davis - also slightly skewed - a mass audience in the movie does not drag, but if we drag - sit, rejoice. It's definitely not the worst pirate movie, I do not weaker than the second and third "Pirates of the Caribbean" (if to pretend that Johnny Depp in itself, but a pirate movie - itself).

To remove the water films generally not cheap. But after "The Island", has collected only 10 million spent in the 115 and bankrupted Carolco Pictures, all of a sudden remembered that four years before the pirates devastated purse Spielberg with the failure of "Captain Hook." Then Hollywood pirates was vetoed, sealed curse, taboos and black mark. Up until the release of the saga of Jack Sparrow.

2. Alamo
THE ALAMO (2004)
The losses adjusted for inflation: 135 million. Dollars

Fort Alamo - it is them, the Americans, the Brest Fortress. Stories about how a couple of hundred Texans repelled Mexican locusts to the last bullet. Still the Wild West, gun, guns, flags and battle horse - is it possible to ruin a movie, I wondered.

It turns out you can. Yet as soon as possible! Because this ten-Feil epic "The Alamo" - the most helpless intolerable, unattractive and incurably defective gigantic motion picture. The first hour and a half, you - overcoming the senseless, tragic monologues full of idiotic characters - all waiting when will the battle. And when the battle goes, you do not even realize that she passed.

Here I saw the worst of the battle scenes in existence - believe a man who has seen even a second, "The Chronicles of Narnia." Feeling as if the village is fighting with a group of mummers pioneers collected counselor to "heat lightning". A couple of times it throws the nucleus through the wall (almost hands as guns themselves bombarded with boredom on the set), Texas general on a horse waving a saber foil pushing it, that democracy will win in that whatever the cost to the end of the film - that , in fact, all the events of two hours and 145 million budget.

And a drop of blood. If not a military epic, and a tutorial on "BBC". Only people with "BBC" better withdraw, even if they have no money to give at all. I hope that the crew of "The Alamo" was buried in a mass grave right after the premiere reception.

3. Pluto Nash
The losses adjusted for inflation: 134 million. Dollars

After watching the trial, knowing what they vbuhali more than a hundred million dollars, studio bosses buried Pluto Nash. On the screens the film was released secretly, without promotion and hits critics collected a measly 7 million and vanished from sight. The diagnosis: a deadly unfunny fantastic comedy with Eddie Murphy, taken imbecile and imbeciles.

All this I knew before you begin reading this masterpiece kinorastrat, but the results show little pokorezhili my prejudices. The point is that if you kill a word "comedy" and look at it untroubled creation as a space fighter for children and teenagers, the film works.

The story of how Eddie Murphy founded on the Moon nightclub and defend it from attacks mafia shot silly, easy, nice and kindly unobtrusively. Operating jokes in the film, but a lot of that shooting, rumbles, flying, running, jumping and flashing neon lights - in general, looks like a "Cop galaxy Beverly Hills." If you are not allergic to ostentatious nonsense, then you can get from "Pluto Nash" radiative dose of joy ... I wanted to say.

SAHARA (2005)
The losses adjusted for inflation: 133 million. Dollars

Muscular intellectual adventurer scouring the African desert in search of the lost ship battleship (yes!) And parallel to Penelope Cruz saves from the clutches of the treacherous dictator - a suitable plot, if you want to learn the $ 160 million budget studio.

On the grand scale created by Epic threatened to become a mega-franchise level of "Indiana Jones" or - at worst - "The Mummy." But it did not. According to rumors the film ruined too arbitrary funding - we see it, by the way, on the screen - all that could explode explodes everywhere where enough of a moped, a helicopter appears, ten tanks and antique "Rolls Royce».

Movie looks great in fact - as the "Indiana" with a modern face and a more muted tone clown. A number of scenes to be remembered as a classic ... look this film at least someone. But, no, look no steel. Starting with the first place for the weekend in America, "Sahara" has dried up instantly and surrendered without a fight, not mastered costs. Maybe - as is the case with the "Island of thugs" - it was not born at the time, not in the wrong place with the wrong face.

The losses adjusted for inflation: 126 million. Dollars

Even at the box office catching "Thirteenth Warrior" then I long wondered what all the movies so angered. Maybe allergic to Antonio Banderas. Perhaps the abundance of blood at inappropriate unpretentious plot - Asian warrior fits into a group of soldiers of the Vikings to find and punish some wild and absurd tribe of thugs.

Only now eleven years later, proznav price pattern (85 million at the rate of 1999), I have lost faith in the power of art. If it was me, of course. As a small-town movie-massacre with the legwork in the northern forests, "The Thirteenth Warrior" is not bad. But in the system of values ​​of major blockbusters, he would not squeezed, even if he cut off the hands and feet.

We will refer to him as a painfully botched experiment, and forget this bad words against the bankrupt.

6. towns and villages
The losses adjusted for inflation: 115 million. Dollars

Realizing that to complete this list I would have to see a romantic comedy, I must confess, I got cold feet. I do not watch romantic comedies never, under any circumstances. And if you come down from heaven Santa Claus on and get me a bag of gold (Collector's Japanese edition), I do not have rotted, honestly.

But duty is duty. I gave my word that the inspection "towns and villages" to the middle, and then deal with their own affairs - go torturing animals and cut the ropes by the elevators to restore peace of mind. But nothing - at some point became involved and have looked 104 minute action entirely. In some moments and did a couple of times allowed himself to laugh.

"Town and Country" - a film plight. For his filming (for still unfinished script) drove to the site a whole bunch of ripe and overripe Hollywood stars. Among them, Warren Beatty, Diane Keaton, Goldie Hawn, Andie MacDowell, Nastassja Kinski. The shooting came with painful difficulty, dragged almost to the Apocalypse, and then fled the actors - they had to work in other planned projects. When they met again a year later, the whole shooting team had to disburse salaries again. In general, the budget has come to unprecedented standards for romkomovskim 90 million. Dollars.

Paid for the ticket viewer was typical comedy about a wealthy married couples where men change recklessly, rush on resorts and trampled field of golf clubs, and offended wives leave them without a livelihood alone with divorce lawyers.

Recapture assigned to the project money is not the film that he could not - he was not even born for this mission! It's all the same that to bake a loaf of black bread, spending a couple thousand dollars, and try it to sell to someone in a week, when she zacherstveet.

The "Cities and villages" had a chance to leave a good memory, but ... But the last third of the writers run out of ideas, but do not run out of stocks of cocaine studio. As a result, on the screen instead of the isolation we are seeing panic painful mess of stream of consciousness, from the root to pull out a rare crop of good and eternal, which made its way to the light in the first half of the picture.

7. Speed ​​Racer
The losses adjusted for inflation: $ 106 million. Dollars

The film is a dream, even by those damned fans Wachowski, who, without prejudice to health experienced a second "Matrix". But what of "Speed ​​Racer" is common, except bogomerzkoy Monkey among the characters and transvestite among filmmakers?

Yes, it is acid to stimulate innovative cinema seizures. It is for boys under 16 years of age and their sympathizers (not pedophiles, but kidalty-kinoestetov). And most importantly - "Speed ​​Racer" is made with the soul. And when the soul is, it does not matter what acid shows alarms brains. Sadly, the predictable failure - proof of the fact that sbycha dreams in Hollywood has always been a fiction merely recited.

8. Cloud Gate
The losses adjusted for inflation: 104 million. Dollars

Filmed in barely painted sepia on massive Western military Rumble in Wyoming in the late nineteenth century. Is not it a dubious subject for blockbuster? Even worse you feel, when I say that the movie came out in rent in four-version! When it began to sink in front of the viewer under the weight of its own ambition, someone had the idea to the studio to cut "Heaven's Gate" to two and a half hours, but it was too late.

Film reveals the theme boobs, but did not disclose any other fact - you sit and stupidly staring at the screen, trying to understand what is going to tell you this, if even after one and a half hours of the move on the screen did not happen anything. And how marasmus motivated actions of the protagonists - inexplicably, even in the hands of a horoscope.

A rolling disaster "Heaven's Gate" buried the career of director Michael Cimino, shortly before to get five "Oscars" for "The Deer Hunter." Do not be the one who knows - maybe he took two hundred million six-hour tape of beekeepers from Kansas. What a loss for the cinematography!

9. Final Fantasy
The losses adjusted for inflation: 100 million. Dollars

Another film-dream actually ruining their dreamer - Hironobu Sakaguchi, creator of the eponymous series of games. The first and (to the joy of acting union) a failure to make "live", "vsamdelishny" computer animated cartoon, where cartoon behave realistically live actors million dollars.

The darkness of cutting-edge technological know-how, visual beauty of galactic scale and the complete absence of at least some encouraging audience, who spent the final session. On the artistic merits of the picture is the fact that it is very exciting to watch a screenshot - it excites the imagination. But the "Final Fantasy" to your fantasies does not make it, you can check.

Incheon (1982)
The losses adjusted for inflation: 90 mln. USD

Closes our honorable losers ten most amazing tape. The film is so unknown that became invisible - I could not find any trace of "Incheon" in any of the torrent trackers, which used to graze in search of lost treasure. So I was not able to personally verify the unprecedented artistic value of the film by Terence Young's battle in Incheon at the start of the Korean War in September 1950.

Hollywood productions of paintings by the two half-witted funded Asian - the head of some of the Korean Church and the Japanese journalist, initially they had planned to make a movie based on the life of Jesus or Elvis Presley. At some point, their plan was reborn in the epic production of the landing of Americans in Incheon. Attracted to the promotion of the movie posters in store church, where US bombers soar in the skies over Korea, and above them hovers the face of Jesus. Sorry, this venture just stopped.

Here I write these lines, with each letter more and more want to see this marvel of religious funding. I hope I still meet with this film, even in Hell.



See also

New and interesting