Mega joke is not the first freshness

 USA. Headquarters - Apartment "Greenpeace" from the marsupial opossum Petit living in Russia, and who knows how to write in Russian.
 Dear "Greenpeace"! Appeals to you marsupial opossum asking me to return to their historical homeland, or in any other place. If only out of a five-storey cottage in a prestigious area of ​​the city of Novosibirsk. Now you will understand why.

I was born in New Zealand and there was almost reached puberty.
 But one day I met a vacationing in our region the "new Russian" and bought just in case. When he brought me home, his wife asked, "What is this monster?" I understand that exotic, but not to the same extent!
 "New Russian" long remembered my name, and finally said I - "Marsupial PETEK»!
 My wife called me Petya left to live under the seventeenth TV lounge in the third.
I tried to feed them in a scientific way. For a lot of money have hired large expert, who said that from the food I eat only the young shoots of bamboo ...
 So I tried it for the first time the young bamboo! It was disgusting.
 I had to sacrifice principles and steal the camel thorn from hamadryad that the neighborhood made a nest in the fourth bedroom fireplace tenth.
He, too, are fed scientifically, so thorn he does not eat anything with anything. Once even I lashed out at me! Eat like! ...
 Yes eaten something just nothing more slaver. But remember unpleasant!
 Then my owners attempted captive breeding. They led me to a female opossum. At least, so they thought that the female. In fact it was a full-grown male that came to me and asked, "Well, brother, what shall we do?»
 "In what sense?" - I did not understand.
 "The physiological! They do not fall behind! Will we turn the porn and slip "Playboy." While we were with you, so to speak ... »
I certainly for procreation, but not the same way! Well I can not inspire a TV and a passion to pounce on this ...
 "You do not flatter yourself! - I read my mind hardened male - is a female you confused! So what do we? »
 And yet we had for ten hours all together and flipping porn movies "Playboy».
 And once the bandits broke into the house, masked and hamadryad confused with the "new Russian".
They tortured the monkey iron and asked where the money is hidden. So it's disgusting animal by torture learn to speak! And what were his first words? "Ask the opossum. He knows! »
 Then the bandits began to torture me. I had the same master articulate speech and the way he said: "You forgot to include the iron!»
 It was a subtle calculation. The bandits said gamadrily:
 "And you, bastard, why silent about iron?" Again began to torment this reptile.
 Recently I found in the freezer refrigerator tenth live penguin. He was there disguised as chicken okopochok.
 I asked him where he lived before, what penguin replied:
 "In the third refrigerator. But there were over dumplings. »
Then he said that living here has no one left. And dead too. And he asked me to bury him after the death of the homeland, in the third refrigerator.
 But worst of all, the owners had guests last night. One of them was a gourmet, in the perverted sense of the word. He said he has great respect for roast opossum.
The hosts once a new looked at me and invited everyone to come in a week on the evening of exotic dishes. Now I have a little time left, and little hope that will start with hamadryad.
 Therefore, dear "Greenpeace", do not sit Sydney, do something, do it!
While rare species of animal not become less for another copy. With respect brutal,
 Your marsupial Possum Pete.

Sent by Zidane


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